Being Alone Means You Get to Choose Your Own Holiday

Did Thanksgiving make you feel thankful for your solo life?

Did you survive Thanksgiving and the overlap that trickles through the weekend? The holidays can magnify our aloneness more than any other time of year. Despite the fact that many people live alone, we are showered with images of happy families, as if we all have them close at hand.

Even for those surrounded by family, that perfect holiday picture is a fallacy. Have you ever been to a big family gathering where at least one person didn’t have some kind of meltdown? I haven’t. The turkey burns, a child throws a tantrum, another child gets hurt, grownups make the mistake of talking politics . . . it’s always something.

I had a good Thanksgiving. Three days of hard driving through rain, tough roads and mega traffic brought me to my family and a chance, for once, to not have to drive, cook, or make major decisions. I miss my routines and I’m going to need some serious diet and exercise to work off the calories, but I have gotten a good dose of conversation, hugs, kids, dogs, cats, and sunshine.

Soon, I will hit the road again to visit other loved ones before heading home. After my last goodbye, I will feel both blissfully free and tragically alone. I will be glad to see my house but will fall into the overwhelm of too much to do. I will wish I had someone to help me. Like the cows I saw eating near the barbed wire fences here in the boonies, we always yearn for what we don’t have, certain that it must be better.

The chores of Christmas loom now–cards, decorations, gifts–and I will do them even though I know I don’t have to. Think of the holidays like a choose-your-own-adventure game; call it choose-your-own-holiday. The world won’t end if you don’t do it just like everyone else.

I would miss the festivities, so I’ll do it all. This time. I reserve the right to change my mind. For example, I’m leaning toward not traveling next holiday season because the weather in November and December ranges from miserable to life-threatening. Why not visit when the sun is shining?

We have to weigh our options. If we live alone, we can celebrate or not, decorate or not, focus on the religious side and ignore the glitz or skip the religion and go full-on Santa Claus. We can hermit out until January or travel somewhere warm where nobody cares about the holidays. We have choices.

While others are shopping, I choose to delete every Black Friday email and stay far away from stores for the next few days. I want my gifts to be creative, unique and well-matched to the recipient, not the same expensive stuff everyone else is buying. I refuse to stand in line to buy whatever this year’s hot toy is.

I like Thanksgiving because it can be meaningful to everyone, and no gifts are involved. Whether you’re alone or with family, Thanksgiving is a good time to be grateful for the blessings in your life. I am grateful for you and for this chance to connect with you. I am grateful that I have my life, my health, my freedom, my work, my music, my house, my family, my friends, a car that runs, enough to eat, and faith in God watching over things. At least half the time, I am grateful for the freedom of living alone.

At the moment, I am grateful for this sunny day and being in a warm, safe place that smells like the cake my sister-in-law just took out of the oven.

Challenges are coming up, but I will feel stronger for having had this respite.

How about you? Did your Thanksgiving go all right? How are you feeling? What are your plans for the Christmas season?

Photo by Jinen Shah on Unsplash

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How did I end up alone? My first marriage ended in divorce. My second husband died of Alzheimer’s after we had moved to the Oregon coast, far from family. I never had any kids, only dogs. Now I live by myself in a big house in the woods. You can read our story in my memoir, No Way Out of This: Loving a Partner with Alzheimer’s, available now at your favorite bookseller. Visit https://www.suelick.com for information on all of my books.