Duck and Cover; Here Comes Mothers' Day

This is not a happy day for everyone

See these roses? They’re lovely. I bought them for myself. $11.99 at Fred Meyer’s. I tossed the “Mom” decoration after I took the picture. Ain’t no moms in this house.

I was shopping for vegetables and burrito ingredients, but everywhere I looked in that store was something about Mother’s Day. Flowers. Cards. Candy. Gifts and food for special Mother’s Day meals. A little champagne for your mimosas?

As if everyone who comes through those doors is planning a big Mother’s Day party.

Look again, marketers. I know you’re just trying to make money, but many of us do not have children, or if we do, they’re not around. Some are grieving for children who have died. Many of us, especially here on the coast, where the average age is over 65, have lost our mothers. We’d rather not be reminded.

I’m sure everyone who saw me buying the roses assumed they were a gift for someone else. No, they were a gift for me and not because I’m anyone’s mother.

For those of us who are not mothers and/or have lost our own mothers, Mother’s Day (and likewise Father’s Day) can be a painful kick in the gut. It does not help that people assume all women of a certain age are mothers, grandmothers, and even great-grandmothers. They seem offended when you try to tell them you don’t qualify for the Mother’s Day special.

This is a good weekend to stay home, but I’ll be sitting on the piano bench looking at an undeserved carnation while the moms at church stand for a blessing and Father Joseph goes on about the glories of motherhood.

I did convince one priest in my past to honor all women, mothers or not, but I don’t see that happening at St. Anthony’s.

I used to get a lot more upset about it, but after all these years, it’s just annoying, like having a mosquito in the house and not being able to find it when you want to turn off the light and go to sleep.

There’s nothing wrong with celebrating moms. Mothers give an awful lot of themselves to their families and could use a little appreciation. Dads too. Just leave me out of it. Let me treat it like a normal Sunday, passing the day with chores, music, and a long walk. Let me disappear until Monday, when people stop yammering about motherhood and posting photos of their beautiful families.

My advice for you: If Mother’s Day is uncomfortable, stay off social media and don’t go to restaurants or other public places where you’ll find yourself alone in a sea of happy moms and grandmas. Take a hike. Binge on your favorite TV series. Work in the garden. If you have no one around, ignore the festivities, and do what makes you happy. If that means buying yourself some flowers or candy, go for it. We are all worthy of a treat.

If you do have children who go all out for Mother’s Day, have fun, but don’t let them push you into doing something you won’t enjoy. It’s your day, after all.

To all, be aware that Mother’s Day can be hard. Don’t make it worse by assuming everyone has something to celebrate.

Let’s Talk

How do you feel about Mother’s Day? What do you usually do on that day? If people assume you’re a mom and you’re not, do you correct them? Do you go out or hide away?

If you are a mother, does the day usually live up to your expectations? Tell us about your best and worst Mothers’ Days.

More to Read

“Why This Childless Woman Chooses to Celebrate Mother’s Day Alone” by Y.L. Wolfe

“Surprise! Not Everyone’s Happy on Mother’s Day” by The Cobh

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How did I end up alone? My first marriage ended in divorce. My second husband died of Alzheimer’s after we had moved to the Oregon coast, far from family. I never had any kids, only dogs and cats. Now I live by myself in a big house in the woods. You can read our story in my memoir, No Way Out of This: Loving a Partner with Alzheimer’s, available at your favorite bookseller.