Hi Sue, I'm in the UK so we've passed our mother's day thank goodness. It is officially called Mothering Sunday in the UK, so that recognises anyone mothering/caring for others but unfortunately, that title has been swept aside by the advertisers who much prefer Mother's Day and images of happily ever after families.
You got it on the nose, Sue . I have spoken to our priest to please be aware this day is not a happy one for many women . Yammering on and on about the glories of motherhood has me seated at mass as opposed to standing and receiving the blessings. Or I just don’t go .
So much sadness revolving around this day . Why don’t the clergy understand this?
I too am in the UK and a mother and a grandmother but I agree that the commercialisation of the day is awful. I am always reminded my dear Mum is gone too, but even flowers for her grave are likely to be double the price on Mothering Sunday.
As many say, no one needs a special day to honour those they love. As a family we avoid all the hype and get together when it suits us.
For those women who chose not to have children I imagine the day passes without concern. I imagine for those who wanted to be mothers, but for whatever reason it didn't happen, it's hard to ignore and becomes a yearly reminder of a yearning you once had for a family.
For me, being a Mom has always seemed to be a rich blessing… but my relationship with my adult married children continues to morph in ways that are confounding and not so joyful. As their children/my grands are no longer little ones, their family life schedule is crazy busy, and it feels like I am disappearing from their thoughts and concerns. Mother’s Day will be shared with my sweet Cody, the most loving and devoted companion ever🐾🥰
In the U.S., and perhaps elsewhere, every holiday is commercialized to the max. Making money is the singular goal of retail outlets not celebrating whatever the holiday happens to be. The one that bothers me the most is Christmas. So much money is spent for this holiday that retailers begin before Thanksgiving (mid to late Nov.) with Christmas decorations and "specials." Every holiday excludes someone or some large group, not to mention the holidays we don't recognize that correspond to non-Christian religions. We could have a retail holiday for Suffrage, for instance. We got June-teenth until this administration decided to demote it. Anyway, I'm off topic. Mother's Day. Some years, my two adult kids forget it and other years, they arrive with a hanging basket of flowers. I welcome any appreciation of me as their mother.
Annoying is the word. I find it just plain irritating that there is so much emphasis on this, and assumptions made, that women are mothers. Give me a break! It is SO not true. I'm in the UK so it's not happening this weekend, but I just ignore it when it does. Your advice to stay off social media and garden or whatever is good :)
I too wish clergy would wake up to the hurt they can cause. It used to be Mothering Sunday, a day when servants got leave to go to their Mother Church. I choose to avoid church on Mothers Day because either I’m left out from being given a posy of flowers or given one as a pity posy, neither is good for me. Thinking of all those who find the day difficult.i
It's mother's day on Sunday here in Australia too. I'm childless by choice with no close family and my relationship with my mother was not the best. She always refused anything other than a card for mother's day. Although she died a few years every year I find myself reliving the strains of the relationship and it is not a happy time. Thanks for writing about this Sue. So many people probably struggle with the day (men as well) and it's great to see that acknowledged.
You’re very generous to show up on that piano bench, Sue. I’d be tempted to call in sick. Spotify kept reminding me to send double-size bouquets as I walked through the woods today. Instead I cried. Back home, still crying. Preparing to go to the gym, where the lovely fitness instructor has kindly worked a Mother’s Day song into his playlist for this week’s classes to celebrate all the moms. He means only good. He is joy personified. But, still. Thanks for linking to my post above. Sending you love Sunday.
May I just add for forgotten people like me - those of us who had horrible abusive mothers or never had a mother for one reason or another (other than death), ours in another layer of disenfranchised grief. Ironically as long as we are invisible and others have no interest in acknowledging that some mothers are horrible, abuse will continue. Hold firm, as you have all these years.
I was thinking similarly as I read this post. Lots of reasons why this is a hard day for many of us. Hugs to everyone who, for whatever reason, finds it difficult.
I was not able to have children due to endometriosis, horrible, painful condition! And I had a very cruel narcissistic mother! So clearly has never been my favorite day. My husband says I am a great dog mom and I accept that.
I have bought myself flowers like you did because they are beautiful the only difference is I remove the “Mom sign” and put it in another pot. Haha! 71 yo rebel here!
I like that we have Mother's Day. Commercialization doesn't bother me, I guess. But then, I still like religious holidays, too, whether they're for my faith or not, because I'm fond of celebrating that which we honor. I've lost my mom and mother-in-law, but I'm still grateful I had them, still like thinking about them. That being said, I'm really sorry for the sadness Mother's Day brings to others.
I understand where you come from on those. I am a dog mom, I have a son, but my “Mother’s Day” is like my birthday or any holiday, me and my dogs - and that is enough for me. To each their own. I am glad you bought yourself flowers, we all need the occasional pick-me-up!
I am a mom, and I am SO sick of the mythology and marketing of this day!!!! And I know how hard it is for so many people, including myself at times.
What I will say at this point is it is the hardest thing I have ever done, and my relationship with my mom is the trickiest relationship I have. And our country makes it so hard, so little support other than lip service. I honor ALL the women in my life, it takes a village to get through life. And not all family is biologically connected. I couldn't do anything without my Aunties and sister friends.
We never celebrated Mothers or Father's day much when everyone was alive and coherent. As she got older, I made more of a big deal about Mother's Day. Now, with the dementia and never knowing if she is even old enough to be a mother (in her mind, at the moment) I just let it pass. But, I was happy to see her aide celebrate it with her, buying her a single rose and ice cream. It warmed my heart, I just couldn't do it anymore. And I really hate when men, especially, wish every woman a happy mother's day. When I say I'm not to hear them say, "but you could be..." Never wanted it and don't want it at 68 either. However, I would like to have one or two grown kids when I'm Mom's age, perhaps I can adopt a well-off adult orphan.
Hi Sue, I'm in the UK so we've passed our mother's day thank goodness. It is officially called Mothering Sunday in the UK, so that recognises anyone mothering/caring for others but unfortunately, that title has been swept aside by the advertisers who much prefer Mother's Day and images of happily ever after families.
The idea of a Mothering/Caring Day is quite lovely.
You got it on the nose, Sue . I have spoken to our priest to please be aware this day is not a happy one for many women . Yammering on and on about the glories of motherhood has me seated at mass as opposed to standing and receiving the blessings. Or I just don’t go .
So much sadness revolving around this day . Why don’t the clergy understand this?
I too am in the UK and a mother and a grandmother but I agree that the commercialisation of the day is awful. I am always reminded my dear Mum is gone too, but even flowers for her grave are likely to be double the price on Mothering Sunday.
As many say, no one needs a special day to honour those they love. As a family we avoid all the hype and get together when it suits us.
For those women who chose not to have children I imagine the day passes without concern. I imagine for those who wanted to be mothers, but for whatever reason it didn't happen, it's hard to ignore and becomes a yearly reminder of a yearning you once had for a family.
For me, being a Mom has always seemed to be a rich blessing… but my relationship with my adult married children continues to morph in ways that are confounding and not so joyful. As their children/my grands are no longer little ones, their family life schedule is crazy busy, and it feels like I am disappearing from their thoughts and concerns. Mother’s Day will be shared with my sweet Cody, the most loving and devoted companion ever🐾🥰
In the U.S., and perhaps elsewhere, every holiday is commercialized to the max. Making money is the singular goal of retail outlets not celebrating whatever the holiday happens to be. The one that bothers me the most is Christmas. So much money is spent for this holiday that retailers begin before Thanksgiving (mid to late Nov.) with Christmas decorations and "specials." Every holiday excludes someone or some large group, not to mention the holidays we don't recognize that correspond to non-Christian religions. We could have a retail holiday for Suffrage, for instance. We got June-teenth until this administration decided to demote it. Anyway, I'm off topic. Mother's Day. Some years, my two adult kids forget it and other years, they arrive with a hanging basket of flowers. I welcome any appreciation of me as their mother.
I’m a mom but I dislike Mothers Day and I wish the US celebrated Woman’s Day like is done in Spain and Italy
Annoying is the word. I find it just plain irritating that there is so much emphasis on this, and assumptions made, that women are mothers. Give me a break! It is SO not true. I'm in the UK so it's not happening this weekend, but I just ignore it when it does. Your advice to stay off social media and garden or whatever is good :)
I too wish clergy would wake up to the hurt they can cause. It used to be Mothering Sunday, a day when servants got leave to go to their Mother Church. I choose to avoid church on Mothers Day because either I’m left out from being given a posy of flowers or given one as a pity posy, neither is good for me. Thinking of all those who find the day difficult.i
It's mother's day on Sunday here in Australia too. I'm childless by choice with no close family and my relationship with my mother was not the best. She always refused anything other than a card for mother's day. Although she died a few years every year I find myself reliving the strains of the relationship and it is not a happy time. Thanks for writing about this Sue. So many people probably struggle with the day (men as well) and it's great to see that acknowledged.
You’re very generous to show up on that piano bench, Sue. I’d be tempted to call in sick. Spotify kept reminding me to send double-size bouquets as I walked through the woods today. Instead I cried. Back home, still crying. Preparing to go to the gym, where the lovely fitness instructor has kindly worked a Mother’s Day song into his playlist for this week’s classes to celebrate all the moms. He means only good. He is joy personified. But, still. Thanks for linking to my post above. Sending you love Sunday.
Good advice.
May I just add for forgotten people like me - those of us who had horrible abusive mothers or never had a mother for one reason or another (other than death), ours in another layer of disenfranchised grief. Ironically as long as we are invisible and others have no interest in acknowledging that some mothers are horrible, abuse will continue. Hold firm, as you have all these years.
I was thinking similarly as I read this post. Lots of reasons why this is a hard day for many of us. Hugs to everyone who, for whatever reason, finds it difficult.
I was not able to have children due to endometriosis, horrible, painful condition! And I had a very cruel narcissistic mother! So clearly has never been my favorite day. My husband says I am a great dog mom and I accept that.
I have bought myself flowers like you did because they are beautiful the only difference is I remove the “Mom sign” and put it in another pot. Haha! 71 yo rebel here!
Thanks for being real about it.
I love the idea of putting the Mom thing in another pot. Next year, I may do that.
I like that we have Mother's Day. Commercialization doesn't bother me, I guess. But then, I still like religious holidays, too, whether they're for my faith or not, because I'm fond of celebrating that which we honor. I've lost my mom and mother-in-law, but I'm still grateful I had them, still like thinking about them. That being said, I'm really sorry for the sadness Mother's Day brings to others.
I understand where you come from on those. I am a dog mom, I have a son, but my “Mother’s Day” is like my birthday or any holiday, me and my dogs - and that is enough for me. To each their own. I am glad you bought yourself flowers, we all need the occasional pick-me-up!
I am a mom, and I am SO sick of the mythology and marketing of this day!!!! And I know how hard it is for so many people, including myself at times.
What I will say at this point is it is the hardest thing I have ever done, and my relationship with my mom is the trickiest relationship I have. And our country makes it so hard, so little support other than lip service. I honor ALL the women in my life, it takes a village to get through life. And not all family is biologically connected. I couldn't do anything without my Aunties and sister friends.
We never celebrated Mothers or Father's day much when everyone was alive and coherent. As she got older, I made more of a big deal about Mother's Day. Now, with the dementia and never knowing if she is even old enough to be a mother (in her mind, at the moment) I just let it pass. But, I was happy to see her aide celebrate it with her, buying her a single rose and ice cream. It warmed my heart, I just couldn't do it anymore. And I really hate when men, especially, wish every woman a happy mother's day. When I say I'm not to hear them say, "but you could be..." Never wanted it and don't want it at 68 either. However, I would like to have one or two grown kids when I'm Mom's age, perhaps I can adopt a well-off adult orphan.