Oh No! It’s That Face Again: When Your Phone is Full of Selfies
What people photograph when they’re mostly alone
Ding! My phone’s Google Photos app is offering another “special moment,” my photos compiled into a slide show and set to bouncy guitar music. They are all pictures of me, taken by me. Selfies. Instead of smiling at pictures of loved ones, I critique pictures of myself. Bangs too long, bangs too short, no bangs, what was I thinking wearing that yellow top, gosh I have a lot of wrinkles, oh, that one’s not too bad . . . no, delete!
Google, I don’t want to look at that much me. Save? Why?
Some days Google gives me photos of Annie, my dog. Look, says Google, we found similar photos and made a collage for you. Same boring music. These pix make me sad because she is gone now, and the grief is still fresh.
Once in a while, my phone will show me beach pictures, photos from somewhere I traveled, or yet another sky shot from my yard, but mostly it’s me.
The last time I had formal pictures taken was at church for the parish directory. The photographer was sure I’d like to order some 8 x 10s, 5 x 7s, and wallet-size pictures to give to my loved ones. No, I said, just the digital copies.
“Surely your kids will want some,” he said.
“I don’t have any kids,” I said.
The young photographer looked at me like I’d just said I was from Mars. Doesn’t every old lady have kids and grandkids? No. Some of us just have dogs.
If my phone was filled with pictures of family gatherings, multiple poses of little ones, or romantic getaways with my lover, it would be a whole different experience. But I travel alone. I take my own pictures, hoping to get a little scenery behind my big head. I smile because my unsmiling selfies scare me.
I rarely attend gatherings where people take pictures of me. Well, that’s not completely true. Every Saturday, I face the Zoom camera while I’m singing the psalm at Mass (watch on YouTube, St. Anthony, Waldport, OR). But that is a fleeting, moving image that won’t end up in anybody’s photo album. I hope.
On the rare occasions I see my family, it never occurs to them to photograph me, unless I specifically ask them to.
So I take selfies. Lots and lots of selfies. Like most people, I no longer paste printed photos in albums to be saved and passed through the generations—or tossed in a dumpster when I die. I save my photos on my phone, in my computer, and in the “cloud.” When technology changes, they will go away.
Why bother? I need photos for my website, blogs, back covers of my books, publicity, bla bla bla. So I either pay for professional photos, or I take selfies. Sometimes when I make a public appearance, someone in the audience will photograph me and I’ll beg for copies, but mostly I’m taking pictures of myself on days when I feel attractive. I might have just gotten a haircut, the lighting is perfect, or I’m all dressed up and think I should capture this loveliness. I usually don’t look as good as I thought I did.
I have studied the art of the selfie: Hold the camera up high, not down low; have the light in front of you, not behind you, and watch out for poles, halos and other things that might appear to be growing out of your head. Practice with different poses and facial expressions.
I’m so sick of my own face.
I got two dings this morning. One was scenic pictures for which I might want to order canvas prints. The other was . . . me.
What about you? What pictures come up on your phone? Are there people pictures or just dogs, flowers, and food? Do you take selfies? What do you do with them? Will you take a picture of me if I take a picture of you? Can we do one together?
Here’s some great advice on how to take pictures of yourself: https://www.wikihow.com/Take-Flattering-Photos-of-Yourself
And some more: https://thirdeyetraveller.com/take-photos-of-yourself-when-travelling-solo/
Photo: Hotel bathroom selfie taken on my 66th birthday in Blythe, California, on my way to the Tucson Festival of Books
How did I end up alone? I didn’t have any kids. After my husband and I retired to the Oregon coast, far from family, he died of Alzheimer’s. You can read our story in my forthcoming memoir, No Way Out of This: Loving a Partner with Alzheimer’s, coming out in June. Visit https://www.suelick.com for information on all of my books.
I'm laughing. Cats seem to be winning. Maybe I should get a cat. Dogs are so needy.
I take photos of our great-nephew & great-niece, and our nephew's dog, when we see them -- but that's probably once a month, tops, these days. I took photos of our nephews (their dads) when they were growing up too (and I still thought I would have kids of my own to photograph someday). I do take selfies when I'm all dressed up and feel like I'm looking good, and sometimes I'll drag my husband into the photo with me. ;)
One thing I take a lot of photos of: sunsets, from our condo balcony. We didn't realize when we bought this place that we'd get a great view of some pretty stunning sunsets. (We can see sunrises too, but we're rarely up early enough!) I post a lot of them on Instagram & Facebook, & it's become a bit of a joke among my friends. My brother-in-law was teasing me about it last year, & I said to him, "Hey, not all of us have cute grandkids to take pictures of like you do." I kept my tone light, but he did shut up after that. The irony is that I've probably taken way, WAY more photos of his kids & grandkids over the years than he or his wife ever have. They've often said they would have no photos of their kids if it wasn't for me. Came in handy when the nephews were getting married & putting together slide shows for the reception and were looking for photos of themselves growing up...!