The search for a new dog begins–or does it?

Pets offer a special kind of love for those who live alone

Annie, my dog and beloved companion, died a year ago next Friday. I had her for fifteen years. Life without a dog is not the same. I’m still a dog mom, even without a dog.

I have these conversations with the neighbor dogs: “If you get tired of living with these people, you can live with me.” 

They wag their tails and smile because I sound friendly, even though they don’t know what I’m saying. 

Owning a dog is good for you. According to the American Kennel Club, 68 percent of U.S. households have pets. Studies show that owning a dog is associated with a 24 percent lower risk of death from cardiovascular disease. Dog companions also reduce stress, anxiety and depression. They definitely help with loneliness.

I know that’s all true. I also know having an active dog makes me more active. I have gained weight since Annie died. I still walk, but it’s a chore now.

I get comfort from other people’s dogs. I talk to them and tell them I love them. But I’m okay with giving them a hug and saying, “Okay, see you next time.” 

A few days ago, I looked online for the dogs available in our area and signed up for Adopt-A-Pet. That’s how you do it now, I guess. Like online dating. Click on a picture and set up a meeting if they look good to you. 

But here’s the thing. As soon as I looked at those dogs, I started crying. When I saw a pit bull named Sadie, the name of my dog before Annie, I just fell apart. She wasn’t a pit bull, but it didn’t matter.

I’m still holding so much grief for the dogs I loved and lost. Heidi, Sadie, Chico, Annie.  

When Sadie died, we adopted another dog too soon. Fred and I met this border collie at a shelter. I cried all over her, and we took her home. A few weeks later, we took her back. That dog was way too energetic. She wouldn’t let me eat, sleep, or sit in peace, and Fred was too far into Alzheimer’s to help. 

She was a rebound dog. 

Chico and Annie (shown in the photo) were puppies when we brought them home later that year. The timing was bad. Fred’s Alzheimer's was getting worse every day. We didn’t know that nine months later, he would be living in a nursing home. But we couldn’t resist. 

Puppies are like babies. They need constant attention, and leave pee, poo, mud, and chewed-up stuff everywhere they go. But they were also a bright light in a very dark and difficult period. 

Dogs make people happy. That’s why nursing homes and hospitals welcome visits from dogs trained as therapy animals. Fred and the other residents lit up when I brought Chico or Annie for a visit. Some who couldn’t relate to people talked to my dogs.

You can read about these experiences and about what happened to Chico in my book No Way Out of This. I hope you do, but I’m not writing just to plug my book. I need to talk about this.

Now, I’m much older, Fred is gone, and I’m torn. Can I start over? I know I don’t want to start over with another husband or a child or even a roommate, but a dog? 

Am I ready to dive back into feeding, walking, vet visits, and finding a sitter every time I want to leave overnight? Am I ready to go back to making sure I close every door and gate whenever I go through? And to do it all by myself with no backup?

My friend Cheryl is dog-sitting this month. I went with her the other day to feed our neighbor’s dogs. I immediately fell in love. These pups are the perfect size and shape for me, friendly, smart, and huggable. It was a joy to play and snuggle with them. But they’re not mine. 

I was free to leave the house that smelled like dogs and return to my own house that smelled like chocolate chip cookies. 

Should I become a dog-sitter? There’s always a need around here. Should I foster dogs through the local animal shelter? 

Or just let it go? Be a dog mom who has loved and lost. 

It has been a year, but I’m still grieving. I have not recovered from the intense caregiving of Annie’s last years. 

Maybe I’ll wait a bit longer, until the pictures no longer make me cry or until the perfect dog shows up in my life. 

My dear friends have started sending me photos of dogs—puppies, giant dogs, troubled dogs, sick dogs. I just want another Annie who is strong and healthy and can take care of me as much as I take care of her. 

Can I bear another heartbreak if they die, if I have to bury another dog’s ashes? 

What if I go first? Who will take care of them?

I’m tired of walking alone, but maybe it isn’t time yet.  Maybe I have more to learn from living completely by myself.

I have almost gotten past asking God to take care of “me and Annie” in my morning prayers. Almost but not quite. 

Meanwhile, let me pet your dog. I promise not to steal it.  

Your turn. How do you know when it’s time to adopt another pet? How do you find the right one? Should I be looking or wait? What has been your experience with dogs and cats and living alone? Let’s talk about the joys of our four-legged friends.

More reading: 

Live Longer: Dog Owners Have a 24% Lower Risk of Early Death (akc.org)

The Health Benefits of Owning a Dog: A Healthier, Longer Life | TIME

Living Solo? Should You Adopt a Dog or Cat for Companionship? - Dog Lovers Hub (dogloverhub.net)

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How did I end up alone? I didn’t have any kids. After my husband and I retired to the Oregon coast, far from family, he died of Alzheimer’s. You can read our story in my new memoir, No Way Out of This: Loving a Partner with Alzheimer’s, available now at your favorite bookseller. Visit https://www.suelick.com for information on all of my books.