When the Devil Says, "Why Bother?"

Living alone, who or what makes you get stuff done?

Yikes. I’m going through withdrawal. Because I spend far too much time on Facebook watching videos of movie stars and cute dogs and seeing if anyone responded to my posts (@suelick), I installed a distraction-blocking app. Unfortunately, it works.

I also blocked my jigsaw puzzle site because it’s too easy to say I need to clear my mind, so I’ll do a puzzle. Maybe I’ll listen to a podcast so it’s not a complete waste of time. But if I finish one puzzle before the podcast ends, I start another one . . . Yesterday’s puzzle took over an hour. By the time I finished, I figured the day was shot and adjourned to my latest TV binge.

Working from home when there’s no one else in the house takes tremendous discipline, especially if there isn’t a lot of positive feedback coming in. It’s like trying to swim against a tidal wave. Eventually, you say what’s the point and let the wave carry you away.

I hated working in offices where I had to keep a strict schedule. That’s not my style. But at least the presence of other people kept me focused. The same thing happens when I’m writing at a workshop, with my Tuesday afternoon group at the library, or even in a coffee shop. Peer pressure works.

When my husband was here doing his tax business in his office down the hall, it was easy for me to keep busy in my own office. We visited each other to chat, and we had lunch together, but we got our work done. We both had deadlines, so we did it. Now, the only other living being within shouting distance is my neighbor’s rooster. All he does it peck at the ground and crow.

It’s so easy to get off track and tell myself it doesn’t matter whether or not I do anything. I’m old. I can retire. Or maybe I’ll just write this Substack and an occasional poem and be done with it. I’ll devote my time to music from now on. As soon as I finish watching this show or win this game of Solitaire.

Yesterday was one of those days. I wrote a poem in the morning, but then I ran out of steam. It was almost dark before I peeled myself off the sofa to take a walk. Instead of cooking, I ate a salad and marionberry pie for supper, did a super-hard jigsaw puzzle, played a little music, then went back to watching TV.

This morning, I’m back on track, preparing for a reading tomorrow and a talk on Saturday.

My distraction-blocker is working. When I tried to open Facebook, it waved its virtual finger in my face and said, Uh-uh, not during working hours.

I wanted to post something brilliant. Now I forget what it was. What if someone posted something important or commented on one of my posts? Too bad.

I miss that little hit of pleasure when someone notices what I write. Ah, they saw me, heard me, liked me.

Even though Facebook is getting really strange, with more and more obviously bogus posts, and even though I know people just click “like” as a knee-jerk reaction, not like they REALLY liked it, I feel less alone with my Facebook friends close by. I also browse at Instagram and Bluesky, but I’m not as hooked on them.

Working at home alone is challenging, whether you do a job remotely, write, paint, make quilts, build furniture, or design websites. It’s hard to keep at it when no one is watching. You get tired and start to think, “Why bother? Who cares? What difference does it make if I just watch TV all day?”

I can schedule and make to-do lists up the wazoo, but inevitably my motivation wanes, and I’m back to doing puzzles, playing solitaire, or watching one Facebook reel after another. People who don’t work for themselves at home rarely understand. What do you mean you’re working? You don’t go to an office. You don’t get paid for most of what you do. If you don’t feel like doing it, don’t do it. You’re retired, right?

Nope. Never, if I can help it. Although I may officialize the idea of a midday siesta.

Even if all you need to do is take care of your home and yourself, sometimes the get-up-and-go got up and went. Why clean? No one is coming. Why buy groceries when it’s just you and you can eat leftovers? It’s raining. Why not walk tomorrow?

If you’re not feeling one hundred percent (and who is?), it’s even worse.

Oh, look at these cute dogs on TikTok!

Shoot, my friend’s cat died!

Is Paul McCartney wearing a beard now?

Deadlines help. I get the trash out every Monday morning because the trucks are coming. I have prepared for tomorrow’s reading because I’ll be standing in front of people who expect me to be prepared. I practice my church and open mic music every week because Sunday is coming. If I don’t practice, I’ll blow it, live and on YouTube.

Blocking my worst distractors may help. There are lots of “focus” apps you can download for free. This one is AppBlock. When you tell them not to let you look at a site, by God, they won't let you. It's like when Mom would say, nope, you can’t play until you’ve done your homework.

In fact, I would not have written this post if I had been able to open my Facebook account.

Dear friends, what gets you off track? What turns you into a couch potato with no motivation to do anything? How do you get yourself out of it when there’s no one around to say, “Hey, weren’t you going to ___________?

Additional reading

An Addict's Guide to Overcoming the Distraction Habit - Zen Habits Website

How do I overcome distractions? | CareerVillage

10 Apps to Help You Stay Focused on Your Writing | Jane Friedman

Hearing from you all gives me that little hit of pleasure, too. I have suddenly had a surge of new subscribers to this Substack. Whoever recommended me, thank you!

Photo by Hans-Peter Gauster on Unsplash

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How did I end up alone? My first marriage ended in divorce. My second husband died of Alzheimer’s after we had moved to the Oregon coast, far from family. I never had any kids, only dogs. Now I live by myself in a big house in the woods. You can read our story in my new memoir, No Way Out of This: Loving a Partner with Alzheimer’s, available now at your favorite bookseller. Visit https://www.suelick.com for information on all of my books.