I would say being alone as one ages is more vulnerable. When young, there is so much more time to form friendships and alliances; as the years go by those opportunities dwindle. Without any family, seems the aloneness would be magnified.
After I moved out of my parents' home when I was 21, I lived on my own until my husband moved in with me when I was 38. For a couple of years my best friend (at the time) lived in the apartment next door or above me, so it was kind of the best of both worlds. I had my own space and privacy but she was always close by. Similar situation, when I was 31. I rented half of a duplex from another friend's parents. They lived in the other half. So again, I had space and privacy but didn't feel like I was truly alone. Hubby and I will (hopefully) celebrate 30 years of marriage this fall (together a little longer than that). Still I think I would be ok if I am put in the situation of living alone. I have been in a recovery program for almost 39 years. Since I've retired I've become more active in it close to home and have gotten to know a lot more people. I know that thru this program I am truly never alone.
- *Albert Einstein*: The genius physicist was known for his quiet nature and loved spending time alone thinking and creating new theories.
*J.K. Rowling*: The author of Harry Potter is an introvert who finds inspiration in quiet moments, often writing during solo commutes.
*Princess Diana*: Despite being a public figure, Princess Diana was known for her humility and compassion, often preferring to focus on her charity work.
*Mahatma Gandhi*: The leader of India's independence movement was shy and introverted, but used his quiet nature to fuel his activism.
*Steven Spielberg*: The famous director is an introvert who prefers to focus on his work rather than socializing.
These individuals show that being an introvert doesn't hold you back from achieving greatness.
Fascinating tension between creative obsession and practical risk assessment. The part about nobody missing you between Wednesday choir and Saturday mass really landed, that's the pragmatic side nobody talks about when discussing solo adventures. I sometimes wander off alone with my camera for photography work and the mental calculus is always there, weighing the perfect shot against common sence safety protocols. Glad PD gets closure even if we dunno when the author will.
I lived alone while I was in graduate school in my early twenties. I really loved living by myself in my little apartment, but walking home from campus in the late afternoon often left me feeling very sad and isolated. People would be coming home with their children after school, front porches would be covered with Halloween or Thanksgiving or Christmas decorations, houses would be lit up inside as the darkness started to fall. I wanted all of that dash the house, the decorations, the children--and I had no idea whether any of it would ever be mine, or how to get it.
Now, in my early sixties, I live alone because my husband of 37 years has advanced Parkinson's Disease and early-onset dementia; he moved into a memory care facility last October. I have two adult children who live in another city, about an hour away. They visit home on a regular basis, but they both have careers and lives of their own, as they should. My aloneness is sometimes kind of a relief after many years of parenting and dementia care--but it's sometimes a little lonely for those exact same reasons. I'm in the process of re-learning how to be on my own and figuring out who I want to be, now that I'm a quasi-widow.
Pam, I'm sorry about your husband. I did the same thing, a dementia widow for the two and a half years my husband lived in memory care facilities and nursing homes. You're married but you don't have a husband around, and it's really tough. Big hug.
My first foray into living alone was age 21-ish when my friend and roommate treated me badly with the apartment we shared. We did not part friends and I got a one bedroom apartment of my own. I did fine, had friends through my job, dated, and if I got lonely I’d go visit my parents 15 minutes away. My main concerns were paying the rent (I did have a good job) and finding a good boyfriend. Got married at 26, divorced at 33, and then lived with my young daughter. It was traumatic but also a relief to be rid of the unfaithful alcoholic. We did fine and I managed to buy a house for the 2 of us. I lived alone again briefly at age 56. By then daughter had flown the nest, I had a house and all that it entails. And I still had the good job but,recently divorced again, had the stress of paring down a lifestyle that was no longer 2-income. Actually, it was a relief to be away from Mr. Overspender and in control of the finances. I’m married again and haven’t lived alone for 12 years, except for the 8 days I described in another post. I agree with another reader about making friends when we are young versus at retirement age. Much more difficult and I think I’m much more likely to become a borderline hermit, since I’m an introvert who enjoys solo hobbies.
An alternate name for this piece could have been, as the Nike commercial states…just do it. The one you chose is amusing though. Thank you for not being dead on the beach. If you have a real concern about whatever you have worked on not getting published maybe you could make a note of that in your will or tell whoever is going to handle your affairs.
I love wandering off alone. I have to remember to tell Oral, common courtesy and he worries! But it's the best time for thinking and doing things I love. Only child here, I find other people a distraction at times. Follow safety rules and wander away!
Question - Does it count as "being alone" if you have dogs? As a new, single empty nester, I got 2 golden retrievers who were true companions but certainly I was on my own. After I lost my "golden girls", being on my own felt different. I am a happy loner who lives on the Salish Sea and walk the beach often, but it's just different without the girls.
I lived mostly alone on the Upper West Side of New York City in my 20s. Living alone felt like a deficit -- especially on Saturday night, if I didn't have a date to go somewhere, a boyfriend. Most of my conversations with girlfriends, sadly, were about the boys we were seeing, although we participated fully in the cultural richness NYC offers.
I had my son at age 33 as a single mother. I may not have had a partner, but I knew I wanted a child.
I have always been self-sufficient. Now, in my age, I have vulnerabilities. But living alone isn't a deficit, hasn't been since those years in New York City. Life is very full. I get skin-to-skin contact with my grandchildren, my cat, a massage. Men I have loved of my generation have died. It is important to have age peer friends, to sort out all of our questions. I love reading your blog.
Like Helena, I have never lived alone and it does scare me a little. I really appreciate how honest you are about sharing the highs and lows of doing so. When my husband got too sick to continue working, we moved in with my parents and now it's just me and my mom. Luckily, we've always gotten along well.
I am wondering, what is the second picture in your post? It's such an interesting shape.
The photo is a rock in which creatures have bored holes. I just like the look of it. I used to collect a lot of rocks, but now I let them stay where they belong.
I have never lived alone and if I'm honest, it frightens me thinking about it. At 60, with a husband nearly 20 years older it is probably inevitable, so I am gathering inspiration and information from you, Sue, and those that comment. I am very glad this headline isn't true - I have just powered through Seal Rock Sound and trying to hold off on book 3 to make it last longer. I will need to know how PD ends up!!
Fred was almost 15 years older than I was, so it was probably inevitable that I lose him, but I sure had hoped to have him a lot longer than I did. As for PD, don't worry. I think you'll like how it turns out for her.
Hi Sue, thank you for the post, I can just imagine the waves and the shoreline. I've visited Oregon once and the coastline is truly stunning. I've just purchased Up Beaver Creek onto my Kindle and I'm looking forward to reading it, it's got great reviews from here in the UK. This year was going to be a time when I immersed myself in to my Yoga teacher training course, a real change of direction for me. Sadly, my 96 year old mum had a stroke between Christmas and New Year and is in hospital. It's been daily visits to see her and along with the worry of it all, the yoga has taken a back seat. Being childless at times like this really brings it home to me. My brother visits my mum too but has children to support him and I know I will be the one who ends up with the worry of ongoing day to day care as that's just how it is I guess. Thanks for sharing your life, it makes me feel I'm not so alone.
I would say being alone as one ages is more vulnerable. When young, there is so much more time to form friendships and alliances; as the years go by those opportunities dwindle. Without any family, seems the aloneness would be magnified.
After I moved out of my parents' home when I was 21, I lived on my own until my husband moved in with me when I was 38. For a couple of years my best friend (at the time) lived in the apartment next door or above me, so it was kind of the best of both worlds. I had my own space and privacy but she was always close by. Similar situation, when I was 31. I rented half of a duplex from another friend's parents. They lived in the other half. So again, I had space and privacy but didn't feel like I was truly alone. Hubby and I will (hopefully) celebrate 30 years of marriage this fall (together a little longer than that). Still I think I would be ok if I am put in the situation of living alone. I have been in a recovery program for almost 39 years. Since I've retired I've become more active in it close to home and have gotten to know a lot more people. I know that thru this program I am truly never alone.
- *Albert Einstein*: The genius physicist was known for his quiet nature and loved spending time alone thinking and creating new theories.
*J.K. Rowling*: The author of Harry Potter is an introvert who finds inspiration in quiet moments, often writing during solo commutes.
*Princess Diana*: Despite being a public figure, Princess Diana was known for her humility and compassion, often preferring to focus on her charity work.
*Mahatma Gandhi*: The leader of India's independence movement was shy and introverted, but used his quiet nature to fuel his activism.
*Steven Spielberg*: The famous director is an introvert who prefers to focus on his work rather than socializing.
These individuals show that being an introvert doesn't hold you back from achieving greatness.
Fascinating tension between creative obsession and practical risk assessment. The part about nobody missing you between Wednesday choir and Saturday mass really landed, that's the pragmatic side nobody talks about when discussing solo adventures. I sometimes wander off alone with my camera for photography work and the mental calculus is always there, weighing the perfect shot against common sence safety protocols. Glad PD gets closure even if we dunno when the author will.
I lived alone while I was in graduate school in my early twenties. I really loved living by myself in my little apartment, but walking home from campus in the late afternoon often left me feeling very sad and isolated. People would be coming home with their children after school, front porches would be covered with Halloween or Thanksgiving or Christmas decorations, houses would be lit up inside as the darkness started to fall. I wanted all of that dash the house, the decorations, the children--and I had no idea whether any of it would ever be mine, or how to get it.
Now, in my early sixties, I live alone because my husband of 37 years has advanced Parkinson's Disease and early-onset dementia; he moved into a memory care facility last October. I have two adult children who live in another city, about an hour away. They visit home on a regular basis, but they both have careers and lives of their own, as they should. My aloneness is sometimes kind of a relief after many years of parenting and dementia care--but it's sometimes a little lonely for those exact same reasons. I'm in the process of re-learning how to be on my own and figuring out who I want to be, now that I'm a quasi-widow.
Pam, I'm sorry about your husband. I did the same thing, a dementia widow for the two and a half years my husband lived in memory care facilities and nursing homes. You're married but you don't have a husband around, and it's really tough. Big hug.
My first foray into living alone was age 21-ish when my friend and roommate treated me badly with the apartment we shared. We did not part friends and I got a one bedroom apartment of my own. I did fine, had friends through my job, dated, and if I got lonely I’d go visit my parents 15 minutes away. My main concerns were paying the rent (I did have a good job) and finding a good boyfriend. Got married at 26, divorced at 33, and then lived with my young daughter. It was traumatic but also a relief to be rid of the unfaithful alcoholic. We did fine and I managed to buy a house for the 2 of us. I lived alone again briefly at age 56. By then daughter had flown the nest, I had a house and all that it entails. And I still had the good job but,recently divorced again, had the stress of paring down a lifestyle that was no longer 2-income. Actually, it was a relief to be away from Mr. Overspender and in control of the finances. I’m married again and haven’t lived alone for 12 years, except for the 8 days I described in another post. I agree with another reader about making friends when we are young versus at retirement age. Much more difficult and I think I’m much more likely to become a borderline hermit, since I’m an introvert who enjoys solo hobbies.
An alternate name for this piece could have been, as the Nike commercial states…just do it. The one you chose is amusing though. Thank you for not being dead on the beach. If you have a real concern about whatever you have worked on not getting published maybe you could make a note of that in your will or tell whoever is going to handle your affairs.
I love wandering off alone. I have to remember to tell Oral, common courtesy and he worries! But it's the best time for thinking and doing things I love. Only child here, I find other people a distraction at times. Follow safety rules and wander away!
Yes please to being alone at both ends of our adult lives.
Question - Does it count as "being alone" if you have dogs? As a new, single empty nester, I got 2 golden retrievers who were true companions but certainly I was on my own. After I lost my "golden girls", being on my own felt different. I am a happy loner who lives on the Salish Sea and walk the beach often, but it's just different without the girls.
Yes, dogs are wonderful company, but if you are the only human, it counts as alone. Until those pups learn to drive and speak English.
I lived mostly alone on the Upper West Side of New York City in my 20s. Living alone felt like a deficit -- especially on Saturday night, if I didn't have a date to go somewhere, a boyfriend. Most of my conversations with girlfriends, sadly, were about the boys we were seeing, although we participated fully in the cultural richness NYC offers.
I had my son at age 33 as a single mother. I may not have had a partner, but I knew I wanted a child.
I have always been self-sufficient. Now, in my age, I have vulnerabilities. But living alone isn't a deficit, hasn't been since those years in New York City. Life is very full. I get skin-to-skin contact with my grandchildren, my cat, a massage. Men I have loved of my generation have died. It is important to have age peer friends, to sort out all of our questions. I love reading your blog.
Thank you, Sharon.
Like Helena, I have never lived alone and it does scare me a little. I really appreciate how honest you are about sharing the highs and lows of doing so. When my husband got too sick to continue working, we moved in with my parents and now it's just me and my mom. Luckily, we've always gotten along well.
I am wondering, what is the second picture in your post? It's such an interesting shape.
The photo is a rock in which creatures have bored holes. I just like the look of it. I used to collect a lot of rocks, but now I let them stay where they belong.
I have never lived alone and if I'm honest, it frightens me thinking about it. At 60, with a husband nearly 20 years older it is probably inevitable, so I am gathering inspiration and information from you, Sue, and those that comment. I am very glad this headline isn't true - I have just powered through Seal Rock Sound and trying to hold off on book 3 to make it last longer. I will need to know how PD ends up!!
Fred was almost 15 years older than I was, so it was probably inevitable that I lose him, but I sure had hoped to have him a lot longer than I did. As for PD, don't worry. I think you'll like how it turns out for her.
I never made it out to the actual Ona Beach as my mean girl 40 pound dog would n.o.t walk over that bridge to get there...
Oh, silly dog. There is a parking area to the north of the main lot where you can get directly to the sand without going over the bridge.
Hi Sue, thank you for the post, I can just imagine the waves and the shoreline. I've visited Oregon once and the coastline is truly stunning. I've just purchased Up Beaver Creek onto my Kindle and I'm looking forward to reading it, it's got great reviews from here in the UK. This year was going to be a time when I immersed myself in to my Yoga teacher training course, a real change of direction for me. Sadly, my 96 year old mum had a stroke between Christmas and New Year and is in hospital. It's been daily visits to see her and along with the worry of it all, the yoga has taken a back seat. Being childless at times like this really brings it home to me. My brother visits my mum too but has children to support him and I know I will be the one who ends up with the worry of ongoing day to day care as that's just how it is I guess. Thanks for sharing your life, it makes me feel I'm not so alone.
Sue, I'm so sorry about your mom. Caregivers is rough. I've been there. I hope my book offers some comfort.