Women Gather in Oregon to Make New Friends

Newport-South Beach 60+ friends group takes off

It was like a blind date. I walked into the coffee shop and looked for other women who might be writers. I expected a big group, but there was just one attractive woman sitting alone on the couch with a notepad.

“Writers?” I asked. She nodded.

Her name is Susan. Mine is Sue. We’re both widows. Soon a third woman came in, looking around. I made a writing-in-a-notebook gesture. Kathleen smiled and joined us. She’s also a widow.

We talked and talked, not so much about writing as about dead husbands and going on without them. We discussed money, loneliness, and dating. It was swell. I really like them both.

I soon discovered that I’m much older than they are, and I’m the only one without a partner or children. As I listened to all the ways their loved ones restrict their time, I felt like the unleashed dog that gets to run wherever she wants.

Will this develop into anything? It’s too soon to tell, but now I know two more women than I knew a week ago, and these women are eagerly looking for new friends. We’re meeting again this week with a few others to write and talk.

Susan, Kathleen and I have all joined a new Facebook-based private group, the Newport OR 60+ Women’s New Friends, whose purpose is making friends and doing things together. Several subgroups have already formed to take walks, go out for lunch or cocktails, listen to live music, play games, or do artwork. Judging by the photos they post, they’re having a great time. I won’t be sharing these pictures because it’s a private group, but the women do look happy.

A lot of these activities don’t fit my schedule. I’m already very busy. But I like the idea. It opens up possibilities for doing things with others instead of alone. It was nice to be with others in that coffee shop instead of sitting alone. Will it lead to the kind of close friendships we crave, the women we call in a crisis or when we’re lonely, the ones who sit with us at the hospital? I don’t know, but it’s a start. Maybe someday we won’t need Facebook as a go-between.

I find it interesting that these women who long for friends are willing to admit it. Would men do the same?

It’s sad that we have to arrange friendships rather than having them happen organically, but for people who are new in town and don’t belong to a church or other organization, it might be necessary.

Or maybe not . . .

On Sunday, I attended my second open mic at Café Chill for a very different and honestly more comfortable experience. (see previous post) Attendance was lower this time. Quieter, more open tables, more stage time for each performer. I chose to sit at a two-top by myself because I wanted to.

Soon, two other women I had seen there before asked to join me. We had a great time singing three-part harmony to accompany the folks on stage. I only know their first names and their musical styles. They probably won’t become best friends, but it felt so good just to goof around with other women. It also felt terrific standing on the stage and singing my songs to people who really listened.

I don’t think I’ll find that kind of connection with the 60+ friendship folks. Maybe I will. But I suspect you need to love something in common for the spark of connection to build into a fire that keeps burning.

What do you think? Would you join a group of strangers for drinks, lunch, games, or music (listening or performing) in the hope of making new friends? Do you know of anything like this where you live?

BTW, if you’re in the Newport, Oregon area, the White Rabbit coffee shop, which was new to me, is quite nice. Across 101 from the porn shop.

The Sunday open mic takes place from 1 to 3 p.m. at Café Chill in Waldport, behind Ray’s Market.

Does it sound like we have a lot of coffee shops here? It’s Oregon.

Photo by Unseen Studio on Unsplash

Related links:

Women Friends groups | Meetup

The Social Community for Anyone Over 50 - Stitch

Girlfriend Social - Where Women Make Female Friends

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How did I end up alone? My first marriage ended in divorce. My second husband died of Alzheimer’s after we had moved to the Oregon coast, far from family. I never had any kids, only dogs. Now I live by myself in a big house in the woods. You can read our story in my new memoir, No Way Out of This: Loving a Partner with Alzheimer’s, available now at your favorite bookseller. Visit https://www.suelick.com for information on all of my books.