Am I Too Old to Adopt Another Pet?

Especially when I live alone?

I might not get another dog.

I stare at those words and sigh. For twenty-eight years, I always had a dog. Or two. My author bios said writer-musician-DOG MOM.

After my sweet Annie died, I removed the “dog mom” part. How could I be a dog mom without a dog? I will get another one, I told everyone. I couldn’t imagine life without a dog. Even here, I have continually mentioned my need for another canine companion. She would keep me company, offer protection, and give me joy.

And yet I haven’t done it yet. “Get a dog already,” someone said in the comments. I know, I know.

But every time I acquired a dog or cat before, I lived with other people. If I had to leave, there was someone around to watch over the pets.

Not anymore. I have experienced life as a single dog-mom. It was hard, sometimes traumatic. Read the memoir mentioned below for some of that story. As Annie aged, she had many surgeries, followed by long recoveries during which I could not leave her alone. On Christmas 2021, she collapsed. I ended up spending the night driving her through a storm to the only vet that was open and waiting for hours in my car because it was still Covid time. Eventually they sent her home, but she couldn’t even stand on her own, so I took her back. She stayed in the hospital two weeks, and I was sure she was going to die any minute.

Miraculously she recovered, but caring for an old dog is as hard as caring for an old human. Annie lost her hearing, she started stumbling during our walks, and toward the end, she was taking as many pills as I do. Ultimately, she was so sick I had to do the unthinkable and let the vet end her life. I sobbed and screamed for hours, both at the loss and at the horrible guilt of euthanizing my best friend.

I don’t know if I can go through that again. If she were a human family member, I would grieve their loss, knowing I could not just go to a shelter and adopt another one.

I love dogs. I pet and hug every dog I can get close to. But I don’t know if I’m ready to own another one. I’m going to be on the road a lot this year for author events, and I cannot take a dog with me. Who will take care of this new dog who’s just settling in? Anyone can feed and walk them, but who will LOVE them?

If Fred were still alive, this would not be as much of a problem, just as it would be so much easier taking a sick dog to the vet if I were not alone.

I miss Annie, but I like that I can spend a night, a week or longer away from home without worrying about her or feeling guilty for leaving her. I don’t have to pick up everything for fear she will eat it—paper clips, papers, pens, my hearing aids—or hold her back every time I open the door.

A friend of mine has scheduled euthanasia for her cat today. He has been ailing for quite a while, and he keeps her awake all night meowing for help with the litter box. She’s 76. She says he will be her last pet. Like me, she loves dogs and cats, but she wants to travel. She also worries about what would happen if she died. Who would love and care for her pets?

It’s a concern. Most of us don’t live to be 100 like Jimmy Carter and my Aunt Edna. Even if we do, we might not be able to take care of a pet or anyone else. So, is it right to adopt an animal we can’t commit to for its whole lifetime?

I know, anyone could die or become incapacitated at any time, but when you’re over 70 and you live alone, it’s hard not to think about that. We can make plans for the dog or cat in case something happens to us, but is it fair to either of us?

My neighbor told me about a man who only adopts old dogs, finding satisfaction in ushering then through their final years and over the rainbow bridge. God bless him. I don’t know if I could do that.

I had a nightmare on New Year’s Eve. My husband and I had gathered with a lot of people for some kind of holiday or birthday dinner. We had Annie with us. We went to the market to buy something, and the dog escaped, running loose between the busy highway and a body of water I can’t identify. The water was rising and starting to cover the roads. I was terrified I would lose my dog. In the dream, Fred eventually caught her and brought her back to me, but the waters were still rising.

I woke with the knowledge that I’m not ready to take on the constant worry and responsibility of anyone, human or animal, at this point. I’m still grieving and traumatized. I can’t look at photos of Annie without reliving that last day at the vet’s office. I literally have to look away. Picking the photo shown here of Annie and her brother Chico as puppies made me cry.

I have been driving myself crazy thinking one minute I will adopt a dog, the next I will join the shelter’s foster-care program, and the next I’ll volunteer as a dog-walker/companion for the dogs at the shelter.

But the dream told me I don’t have to do any of those things right now. I can wait until the trauma eases some more. So far, it’s the only option that feels right.

Not that I might not change my mind an hour from now.

One other possibility I haven’t mentioned to anyone: Can I share a dog with a friend or neighbor? If I had to leave, I’d just drop her off at her other mother’s house, like joint custody. Would that work? Has anyone tried it?

This is a sad post, but maybe I’m not the only one who feels this way. Judging by what I have found online, lots of people are asking the same questions. For those of you who have sent your pets over the rainbow bridge, how long did it take before you were ready to get another one? Have you reached a point in your life where you feel like you probably shouldn’t adopt any more pets?

Let’s talk about it in the comments. Thank you so much for being here to help me work this out.

Further Reading

Am I Too Old to Get a Dog? | Fear Free Happy Homes

Seniors for Seniors Adoption Program | Adopt a Pet | Animal League

Straight talk for senior adopters - Whole Dog Journal

Am I Too Old to Adopt a Dog?

Pawfectlymade

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How did I end up alone? My first marriage ended in divorce. My second husband died of Alzheimer’s after we had moved to the Oregon coast, far from family. I never had any kids, only dogs. Now I live by myself in a big house in the woods. You can read our story in my memoir, No Way Out of This: Loving a Partner with Alzheimer’s, available now at your favorite bookseller. Visit https://www.suelick.com for information on all of my books.