Company is a challenge when you're used to be being alone

One visitor doubles the population

I have had a sleepover guest for the last week, and I’m sure I’m making her nervous. I did not realize I was so territorial. I’m like a cat ready to hiss and claw at any intruder.

Oh, I did the things. I cleaned up, put fresh sheets on the guest room bed, bought food I thought she would like, and picked her up at the airport. Traffic around Portland was terrible. While she chattered in the passenger seat, I tried to hold back my curses because she doesn’t use those words.

We love each other. It has been fabulous having her join me for church, open mic, shopping, and sitting in the sun on the deck. We walked on the beach, went out to eat, watched a movie, attended a patriotic symphony concert, and watched fireworks on the Fourth of July. Doing these things with a friend was so much better than doing them alone.

And yet I keep flexing my claws.

To my friend, I must seem obsessively devoted to my schedule, my diet, and my way of doing things. It’s noon; we need lunch. It’s 10 p.m.; we need to go to bed. It’s Sunday; I have to do the laundry. Recycle that! Don’t put your plate in the dishwasher that way!

Why can’t I just relax?

My shrinks have repeatedly told me I do not have obsessive compulsive disorder, but sometimes I wonder about that. More likely, I just like things the way I like them. My routines help me not to forget to put out the trash or pay the bills. Eating three healthy meals at regular times helps me avoid pigging out on unhealthy snacks.

I have so much information tumbling around in my mind that things slip out, especially if someone is talking to me. Sunday, I put the towels in the dryer, came back in an hour and found a lump of wet terrycloth. I had forgotten to push the “start” button. That stuff happens all the time.

I need my routine so I can accomplish at least some of the zillion things on my to-do list. My routine helps me keep going when all I want to do is play video games, eat, and watch TV until I doze off. If I am phobic about anything, besides yellowjackets, it’s unstructured time. Letting go of the schedule is like cutting the strings on my parachute.

I also don’t like other people touching my stuff. That’s my issue, not theirs. I have always been that way. Years ago, when my teenage stepdaughter thought it was okay to borrow my clothes and makeup, I went ballistic. I’m just not good at sharing. Living alone for so many years has intensified my possessiveness.

Another reason I’m twitching my tail is that I suddenly have an audience for everything I do, and I find that very uncomfortable. An early riser, I’m aware of every sound, whether it’s opening a crackling plastic package, clicking a binder shut, or simply sneezing.

Someone is listening when I practice my music, including my mistakes. And I’m caught when I sip iced tea from the pitcher or walk through the house half dressed. They probably don’t care as much as I do, but I am on high alert.

If I lived with other people, I suspect I would be more relaxed with company. Other people’s things would already be scattered around the house. I would already be cooking for several people; one more would be no big deal. And I would always have an audience, but one that’s used to my quirks. As it is, one guest doubles the population at my house, and I don’t have the infrastructure to deal with it.

My friend and I have agreed that we could not stand living together forever. We both have our annoying habits, but it has been a lovely visit despite my catlike attitude.

I’m trying not to hiss and claw, but I know my tail is swishing nervously back and forth. I don’t think I’ll relax enough to purr until I’m alone again. And then, gosh darn it, I’ll miss my friend, who is fun to hug and who looks better in my fuzzy pink bathrobe than I do. She also has a sweet voice, and you just can’t sing harmony by yourself.

Let’s talk

• Is it just me, or are you territorial, too? Do you have trouble sharing your space and your things?

• How important is your daily routine?

• Do you welcome overnight guests? Is your home set up so you can each have your own space?

• If you do have guests, do you set any rules for your visitors?

• Are you an easygoing host or a nervous cat like me?

  Photo by Lingda Kong on Unsplash

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My home beautifying project continues

The new window blinds will be installed tomorrow.

After my friend leaves on Thursday, I will begin moving furniture and taping edges in preparation for painting my living room and hall. I was midway through trying unsuccessfully to get a local painter to call me back when I realized I really wanted to do it myself. I picked up the paint yesterday, white for the hall, green for the living room, and I’m itching to get started.

I won’t have to worry about spilling paint on the carpet because new carpet is coming next week.

I’m going to be busy, and my checkbook is hurting. But it will be so nice. I will post pictures.

Can I do it alone? I can. I am.

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How did I end up alone? My first marriage ended in divorce. My second husband died of Alzheimer’s after we had moved to the Oregon coast, far from family. I never had any kids, only dogs. Now I live by myself in a big house in the woods. You can read our story in my memoir, No Way Out of This: Loving a Partner with Alzheimer’s, available at your favorite bookseller. Visit https://www.suelick.com for information on all of my books.