I want to be a welcoming mother earth, but really I’m a home aloner. It’s one of the things that’s made at some challenging to have both my mother here and her aides. I don’t have rules, but I do have quirks and I try to keep turning them over letting it go. Is it really that important? But that’s easier said than done. It’s also one of the reasons I like visiting people in their home, so when I’m done, I can leave. If you come to my home when I’m done you’re still there! 💕
I find it really hard to sleep when a guest is in my house. There's a hyper-alertness that just does not want to turn off... feeling your struggle Sue!
I only have a 500-sq foot studio (all I could afford to buy back in the day - and still!) with a pull-out couch, and it’s been a minute since anyone has stayed overnight, though I do have friends come visit & use the building’s pool in-season.
I’d like to think I’d feel differently if I actually had a second bedroom & bathroom - and I might - but at this point I am pretty used to doing things solo….
I’m like you (and I am an actual cat lady, with 6 of them!) but my husband is Indian and an atrocious slob so I’ve had to adjust. As an Indian hospitality is woven into his being and as a slob he doesn’t care or notice if anyone touches his stuff. If I lived alone I would surely revert to being a hermit with everything in its place. Also, I am a really light sleeper and hear everything that happens during the night, plus I get up super early. Fortunately we have few visitors: many people seem to be allergic to cats these days and we live in a place that’s neither a destination nor on the way to a destination anyone would want to go to.
I’m in my early 30s and have only started living alone for the past few years. What a game changer. My living space truly feels like a sanctuary away from the world, so no visitors allowed besides close family. At this point, cohabitating with others will be incredibly difficult given how much I savor solo living.
Sue your description of house guests brought a smile. I have a spare room for visitors but only one bathroom and a small house so unless visitors go for a walk in the paddocks where there be scary critters like venomous snakes (at least in summer), there's not much privacy. I have lots of rules that I've developed over the 12 years I've lived here. The only water I have is rainwater so there are lots of rules about water usage as buying in water is expensive if my tanks run dry and I live in a reasonably dry part of Australia. My waste system is a septic which has a filter on the kitchen drain so there are rules about what can be washed down the sink...essentially nothing that isn't liquid at normal air temp. If too much goes down the drain it gets blocked and the only solution is for me to shovel it out of the trap. Not sure if it's my rules or the fact that I live 30km from the nearest town which is only 10,000 country people, but no-one much visits me any more. 😆
I can cope with day visits but stay overs would be a challenge.
After my husband passed and I moved house, a friend moved in with me. For company. It didn't work out and within a few weeks I was having anxiety attacks. I brought forward planned renovations so that she had to move out.
If any guests stay with me in future, they would have their own bedroom and bathroom here, so I can have my privacy . That said, I don't have a usable guest room anymore. It's a sorting room for my "old life". I need to turn it back into a spare room for pet sitters when I go to the coast.
I have my routine and food preferences. So yes there would be rules. For instance, if you don't like the food I'm offering then you'll need to order in your own take away.
My older brother says he's coming to visit me next year. I'm not looking forward to it (even though it quite possibly may be the last time I see him !). He's very racist. He likes to think he's right all the time and constantly blames all his troubles on others. It's so unsettling talking to him on the phone. It's actually a blessing he lives so far away. Sometimes family are the most challenging visitors.
I try to fill my home with kindness and gratitude. So the first rule will be no politics and no blaming. Conversations, not rants.
Looking forward to seeing photos of your renovations Sue !
I agree, it's a privilege to live alone and determine our own life. Having our routines, preferences and boundaries is absolutely healthy and others need to respect that.
Me and my BFF have traveled together for years. We have openly discussed diet and eating preferences, space allotment within a hotel room, spare time, etc. We know each other so well now, I think I could live with her. I have also endured guests who were difficult to tolerate after a couple of days, it's exhausting! My home is the most comfy and cozy when it's just me and my hubby. And I'm not worried about meals or entertainment.
Thanks for the update on your living room! I have painted a lot of walls and long ago gave up on taping. I watched a guy on HGTV (probably on YouTube now) use a fairly narrow, angled bristle brush, paint along the ceiling and baseboards without tape and decided to train myself. (My paint was always leaking under the tape anyway, and required touch-ups.) It's all about how you load the brush with paint, and how much pressure you use as you glide the brush along. Anyway, I wish you good luck and hope to see your pretty updates soon!
I have many of the same things if someone comes to stay - plus I don’t have a guest bedroom so it’s the couch — and right in the middle of my tiny house so there is really no privacy at all. For anyone. And after living basically on my own for the past 30 years, I am steeped in my own habits and patterns, and it’s super hard to not be like that. I think it’s the 3 day rule, I can do my best to be “normal” for about 72 hours and then it just falls apart. I like my food at my times, I like things put down a certain way, or hung up a certain way, and if your’e sleeping on my couch, when you do get up, please make the couch back up so we can sit on it, it’s the only place to sit in the tiny house other than an iron chair at the bistro table. My living room is a big part of the house and my life, so if someone else has exclusive use, we basically share a 6ft x 8ft breakfast nook and a galley kitchen with a toilet, and my 6ft x 8ft bedroom is mine to share with my dogs. It’s cozy. I don’t do many overnight guests thankfully. I’ve had 3 in the past 12 months.
I enjoy having visitors, but managing my three dogs complicates the situation and often leaves me drained from the experience. Not only are my routines disrupted, but so are theirs. They pace relentlessly if their walking and eating schedules are altered, and, territorial? Absolutely. Please do not sit on their sofa or make any fast moves in their area. I usually isolate them during parties or for a brief drop-by visit, but 2-3 day visits challenge us all, which is why they happen infrequently.
When I still had my dog, that was a challenge for me, too. Dogs are much more honest about their needs than we are. It was especially difficult to have visitors who are not dog-lovers. Not to mention the fur that would migrate to their clothes.
I totally get it. I had similar experiences recently even worse as we lived in the same room at hotel for one week. I have been so used to the quietness, and it turned out my friend is a talker and started at 6am through breakfast through outing through the evening until she crushed and my ear still feels humming. We both realized our different characters. Acknowledging, accepting and moving on was what we agreed. Over stimulation by having an accompanying for a period of time vs extremely quiet alone cannot complement each other. It’s not easy to maintain a balance. A little bit of everything maybe the middle ground where we want to stay.
Yes, you do get it. too much talking! Many years ago, my in-laws moved in with us while they were waiting for their house to be ready. No matter how early I got up, there they were, ready to chat and waiting to be served breakfast. May they rest in peace, but that was awful.
I think that everyone is territorial and for me my bedroom and my bathroom are only for me. I do have an extra bedroom (my son has the other one) but have had no overnight guests since covid. You talked about your friend and you deciding that you couldn't live together and basically my twin and I decided that we couldn't either though I love her dearly because I like things picked up and Marolyn not so much.
An exception is based on need...several years ago my grandson and his two dogs needed a place to live after his landlord doubled his rent. What started out and was to last until he found a suitable place lasted 3 years and the good news was that it was a wonderful time to get to know him as an adult. I also think that sometimes a single person no matter the age finds that they can't afford to live alone so they must find a shared situation.
I want to be a welcoming mother earth, but really I’m a home aloner. It’s one of the things that’s made at some challenging to have both my mother here and her aides. I don’t have rules, but I do have quirks and I try to keep turning them over letting it go. Is it really that important? But that’s easier said than done. It’s also one of the reasons I like visiting people in their home, so when I’m done, I can leave. If you come to my home when I’m done you’re still there! 💕
I find it really hard to sleep when a guest is in my house. There's a hyper-alertness that just does not want to turn off... feeling your struggle Sue!
I only have a 500-sq foot studio (all I could afford to buy back in the day - and still!) with a pull-out couch, and it’s been a minute since anyone has stayed overnight, though I do have friends come visit & use the building’s pool in-season.
I’d like to think I’d feel differently if I actually had a second bedroom & bathroom - and I might - but at this point I am pretty used to doing things solo….
I’m like you (and I am an actual cat lady, with 6 of them!) but my husband is Indian and an atrocious slob so I’ve had to adjust. As an Indian hospitality is woven into his being and as a slob he doesn’t care or notice if anyone touches his stuff. If I lived alone I would surely revert to being a hermit with everything in its place. Also, I am a really light sleeper and hear everything that happens during the night, plus I get up super early. Fortunately we have few visitors: many people seem to be allergic to cats these days and we live in a place that’s neither a destination nor on the way to a destination anyone would want to go to.
I’m in my early 30s and have only started living alone for the past few years. What a game changer. My living space truly feels like a sanctuary away from the world, so no visitors allowed besides close family. At this point, cohabitating with others will be incredibly difficult given how much I savor solo living.
Sue your description of house guests brought a smile. I have a spare room for visitors but only one bathroom and a small house so unless visitors go for a walk in the paddocks where there be scary critters like venomous snakes (at least in summer), there's not much privacy. I have lots of rules that I've developed over the 12 years I've lived here. The only water I have is rainwater so there are lots of rules about water usage as buying in water is expensive if my tanks run dry and I live in a reasonably dry part of Australia. My waste system is a septic which has a filter on the kitchen drain so there are rules about what can be washed down the sink...essentially nothing that isn't liquid at normal air temp. If too much goes down the drain it gets blocked and the only solution is for me to shovel it out of the trap. Not sure if it's my rules or the fact that I live 30km from the nearest town which is only 10,000 country people, but no-one much visits me any more. 😆
I can cope with day visits but stay overs would be a challenge.
After my husband passed and I moved house, a friend moved in with me. For company. It didn't work out and within a few weeks I was having anxiety attacks. I brought forward planned renovations so that she had to move out.
If any guests stay with me in future, they would have their own bedroom and bathroom here, so I can have my privacy . That said, I don't have a usable guest room anymore. It's a sorting room for my "old life". I need to turn it back into a spare room for pet sitters when I go to the coast.
I have my routine and food preferences. So yes there would be rules. For instance, if you don't like the food I'm offering then you'll need to order in your own take away.
My older brother says he's coming to visit me next year. I'm not looking forward to it (even though it quite possibly may be the last time I see him !). He's very racist. He likes to think he's right all the time and constantly blames all his troubles on others. It's so unsettling talking to him on the phone. It's actually a blessing he lives so far away. Sometimes family are the most challenging visitors.
I try to fill my home with kindness and gratitude. So the first rule will be no politics and no blaming. Conversations, not rants.
Looking forward to seeing photos of your renovations Sue !
I agree, it's a privilege to live alone and determine our own life. Having our routines, preferences and boundaries is absolutely healthy and others need to respect that.
Children, animals and old people (I include myself here) love routines. I totally get it.
Still, I like hosting company. I host baseball players & interns for a local team. It’s 4-6 weeks of chaos then back to normal.
Me and my BFF have traveled together for years. We have openly discussed diet and eating preferences, space allotment within a hotel room, spare time, etc. We know each other so well now, I think I could live with her. I have also endured guests who were difficult to tolerate after a couple of days, it's exhausting! My home is the most comfy and cozy when it's just me and my hubby. And I'm not worried about meals or entertainment.
Thanks for the update on your living room! I have painted a lot of walls and long ago gave up on taping. I watched a guy on HGTV (probably on YouTube now) use a fairly narrow, angled bristle brush, paint along the ceiling and baseboards without tape and decided to train myself. (My paint was always leaking under the tape anyway, and required touch-ups.) It's all about how you load the brush with paint, and how much pressure you use as you glide the brush along. Anyway, I wish you good luck and hope to see your pretty updates soon!
Thanks. I think I will still tape. I have to work around five wood-stained doors in the hallway, but I will be careful with the brush, too.
I have many of the same things if someone comes to stay - plus I don’t have a guest bedroom so it’s the couch — and right in the middle of my tiny house so there is really no privacy at all. For anyone. And after living basically on my own for the past 30 years, I am steeped in my own habits and patterns, and it’s super hard to not be like that. I think it’s the 3 day rule, I can do my best to be “normal” for about 72 hours and then it just falls apart. I like my food at my times, I like things put down a certain way, or hung up a certain way, and if your’e sleeping on my couch, when you do get up, please make the couch back up so we can sit on it, it’s the only place to sit in the tiny house other than an iron chair at the bistro table. My living room is a big part of the house and my life, so if someone else has exclusive use, we basically share a 6ft x 8ft breakfast nook and a galley kitchen with a toilet, and my 6ft x 8ft bedroom is mine to share with my dogs. It’s cozy. I don’t do many overnight guests thankfully. I’ve had 3 in the past 12 months.
Thank God it's not just me. I have had couch-sleeping guests, too. Inevitably, they go to bed later and get up later than I do, so it's awkward.
YES!!! And spread everything all over the living room from out of a small suitcase, it takes up the whole room like an explosion.
YES!!!!
I enjoy having visitors, but managing my three dogs complicates the situation and often leaves me drained from the experience. Not only are my routines disrupted, but so are theirs. They pace relentlessly if their walking and eating schedules are altered, and, territorial? Absolutely. Please do not sit on their sofa or make any fast moves in their area. I usually isolate them during parties or for a brief drop-by visit, but 2-3 day visits challenge us all, which is why they happen infrequently.
When I still had my dog, that was a challenge for me, too. Dogs are much more honest about their needs than we are. It was especially difficult to have visitors who are not dog-lovers. Not to mention the fur that would migrate to their clothes.
I totally get it. I had similar experiences recently even worse as we lived in the same room at hotel for one week. I have been so used to the quietness, and it turned out my friend is a talker and started at 6am through breakfast through outing through the evening until she crushed and my ear still feels humming. We both realized our different characters. Acknowledging, accepting and moving on was what we agreed. Over stimulation by having an accompanying for a period of time vs extremely quiet alone cannot complement each other. It’s not easy to maintain a balance. A little bit of everything maybe the middle ground where we want to stay.
Yes, you do get it. too much talking! Many years ago, my in-laws moved in with us while they were waiting for their house to be ready. No matter how early I got up, there they were, ready to chat and waiting to be served breakfast. May they rest in peace, but that was awful.
I think that everyone is territorial and for me my bedroom and my bathroom are only for me. I do have an extra bedroom (my son has the other one) but have had no overnight guests since covid. You talked about your friend and you deciding that you couldn't live together and basically my twin and I decided that we couldn't either though I love her dearly because I like things picked up and Marolyn not so much.
An exception is based on need...several years ago my grandson and his two dogs needed a place to live after his landlord doubled his rent. What started out and was to last until he found a suitable place lasted 3 years and the good news was that it was a wonderful time to get to know him as an adult. I also think that sometimes a single person no matter the age finds that they can't afford to live alone so they must find a shared situation.
You're so right. Living alone is a privilege many people can't afford; they have to share a space.
You and your sister are wise to recognize your differences.