I joke that my phone lives on the floor next to the treadmill in case I fall off. I do take it with me when I go out but other than that I could care less. If you want me, please pick up the phone and call so I can hear your voice. You can tell a lot about someone by how they speak....not so much with texting. I use email all the time and enjoy reading blogs and a few substacks. Other than that, I'm good. 72 years old, live alone, love to read, do mixed media crafts and God help me, watch sappy Hallmark movies. Life is good!
Yes, I think what you say is true. I take myself out to eat at my favourite restaurant alone every week and always bring something to read. Last week a woman sat at the table next to me and remarked that what I had ordered looked delicious and asked what it was. I engaged with her briefly but regret now not being more friendly. My only defence is that I can be shy and am sensitive to rejection but I know I need to fight that! Your post is a good reminder to put the phone or book down every once in a while and engage with our fellow humans, especially the single ones!
I do agree with this. I think the difference between someone who sits and watches football on tv, if the tv is in a social space, they’re is opportunity for connection. Or later talking about the same game.
But unless the person makes an active effort to share their phone/ipad screen time it’s that individual and whatever they’re staring at, usually short clips that are instantly forgotten and onto the next. There’s no connection. (📶 gah this is the auto-emoji that comes up when I wrote connection… That’s incredibly sad).
I am addicted to my phone, especially when I’m feeling bored, tired or overstimulated. But I’ve been actively trying to reduce that time, or vary what kind of screen time and I have for a long time made a conscious effort to not let the phone come into social situations. The latter I think I’m very good at.
I think parents have a hard job to parent children around screens. But I think it’s hard for children to learn better when we’re all staring at them!
What really gets me is when I see a mom or dad with a young child in a stroller and instead of pointing out the squirrel, ducks, etc. they are on their cell phone. Both the parent and the child are missing out.
It drives me bonkers when I'm having an IRL conversation with someone, and they interrupt it to check their phone. It's one thing if they're waiting for a biopsy result or a call from their kid's school or something, but if it's just the texting equivalent of chitchat with someone else, then I find it rude.
I am also sad that we now have so little idle time when we can ruminate and daydream. Those old built-in times--the doctor's waiting room, the laundromat, the car or plane ride, the wait on a train platform--are now times that people spend on their phones. Even when they take walks, many people are now blasting some kind of audio from their phones the whole time. You asked about loneliness and phones separating us from one another, but I think it's even more distressing that the phones seem to be separating people from rest and quality time with their own thoughts.
I see the use of screens as troubling, sure. But finding a way to be present/absent when you can’t control whether or not you show up (kids, social expectations) is a solution. I was raised in a big Catholic family. My dad drove out every one of us as soon as we were able to go (18)—and there are 7 of us. Then all he did was bitch and moan about how poorly we attended to him. You reap what you sow. If your kids want to be around you, no screen in the world is sufficient distraction. I think you’re seeing a world unique to YOUR family dynamics. I only interact with my sisters these days, because my brothers are all in the Trump cult and have been since 2016. This is not just a political difference: it permeates every aspect of who they are, and I don’t like them. Parents are dead. I don’t miss them. So consider, when you’re expressing your concerns that it’s not all kumbaya in the family you see, that not everyone wants a “close” family. Some of us got far away ASAP and never looked back.
Absolutely. A terrible new addiction
I joke that my phone lives on the floor next to the treadmill in case I fall off. I do take it with me when I go out but other than that I could care less. If you want me, please pick up the phone and call so I can hear your voice. You can tell a lot about someone by how they speak....not so much with texting. I use email all the time and enjoy reading blogs and a few substacks. Other than that, I'm good. 72 years old, live alone, love to read, do mixed media crafts and God help me, watch sappy Hallmark movies. Life is good!
Yes, I think what you say is true. I take myself out to eat at my favourite restaurant alone every week and always bring something to read. Last week a woman sat at the table next to me and remarked that what I had ordered looked delicious and asked what it was. I engaged with her briefly but regret now not being more friendly. My only defence is that I can be shy and am sensitive to rejection but I know I need to fight that! Your post is a good reminder to put the phone or book down every once in a while and engage with our fellow humans, especially the single ones!
I do agree with this. I think the difference between someone who sits and watches football on tv, if the tv is in a social space, they’re is opportunity for connection. Or later talking about the same game.
But unless the person makes an active effort to share their phone/ipad screen time it’s that individual and whatever they’re staring at, usually short clips that are instantly forgotten and onto the next. There’s no connection. (📶 gah this is the auto-emoji that comes up when I wrote connection… That’s incredibly sad).
I am addicted to my phone, especially when I’m feeling bored, tired or overstimulated. But I’ve been actively trying to reduce that time, or vary what kind of screen time and I have for a long time made a conscious effort to not let the phone come into social situations. The latter I think I’m very good at.
I think parents have a hard job to parent children around screens. But I think it’s hard for children to learn better when we’re all staring at them!
What really gets me is when I see a mom or dad with a young child in a stroller and instead of pointing out the squirrel, ducks, etc. they are on their cell phone. Both the parent and the child are missing out.
It drives me bonkers when I'm having an IRL conversation with someone, and they interrupt it to check their phone. It's one thing if they're waiting for a biopsy result or a call from their kid's school or something, but if it's just the texting equivalent of chitchat with someone else, then I find it rude.
I am also sad that we now have so little idle time when we can ruminate and daydream. Those old built-in times--the doctor's waiting room, the laundromat, the car or plane ride, the wait on a train platform--are now times that people spend on their phones. Even when they take walks, many people are now blasting some kind of audio from their phones the whole time. You asked about loneliness and phones separating us from one another, but I think it's even more distressing that the phones seem to be separating people from rest and quality time with their own thoughts.
Jenn, you are so very right. It's so important to allow time for our minds to wander.
I see the use of screens as troubling, sure. But finding a way to be present/absent when you can’t control whether or not you show up (kids, social expectations) is a solution. I was raised in a big Catholic family. My dad drove out every one of us as soon as we were able to go (18)—and there are 7 of us. Then all he did was bitch and moan about how poorly we attended to him. You reap what you sow. If your kids want to be around you, no screen in the world is sufficient distraction. I think you’re seeing a world unique to YOUR family dynamics. I only interact with my sisters these days, because my brothers are all in the Trump cult and have been since 2016. This is not just a political difference: it permeates every aspect of who they are, and I don’t like them. Parents are dead. I don’t miss them. So consider, when you’re expressing your concerns that it’s not all kumbaya in the family you see, that not everyone wants a “close” family. Some of us got far away ASAP and never looked back.
You're right. I got away by reading. I'm sorry your family is so troubled. That has to be hard.