I am 80, my husband is 86. We are alone together most days, don't go out a whole lot. If we get cabin fever, we go out for lunch and save half for dinner. That is our big treat! Tomorrow I have surgery and I'm glad he can drive me and be with me in the following days. Him being older, I know I am blessed to still have time with him and I don't take that for granted. This is just another chapter in our lives together and we are going to enjoy it. Last night I couldn't sleep, nerves (thinking about surgery), and he read out loud to me from "Gales of November" about the sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald in 1975. That is our idea of romance these days and it's all good. He is so precious and he has the best little smile!
My hubby just bought that book. I will have to tell him he needs to read to me from it the next time I have insomnia (which was just last night). Your comment is so sweet. Hopefully hubby and I will be like this when we are in our 80's (only about 10 years away). Best wishes for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery.
I think that if given the choice of living alone at 30 vs 75, 30 is the better age. People who go from their family home to a marriage, and never live alone until their senior years, must be at a disadvantage as to what it’s like to feel truly alone and responsible for every aspect of their days and nights. I had a friend, divorcing her first husband and planning to marry #2, who had never lived alone. Mind you she had 3 kids in the house and no real money worries. I encouraged a waiting period but she wasn’t having it. I still believe we learn so much about ourselves if we are solo for a period of time when we are younger. I was and I fully understand I may be again one day. Having mostly solo hobbies helps. But I may have gotten some skills being an only child until I was 12!
Oddly, this is the first time I've lived with someone for any extended length of time. In my 20s, roommates and live in lovers were always temporary. I loved living alone and never planned on sharing my home. Life had a different plan. Now that I'm accustomed to it, I wonder what it will feel like when it's just me again. I imagine I will really feel the loneliness.
There is a thought that has circled around in my mind since I read your previous post and that is that when I was a younger worker I always took pleasure in paying my bills and the feeling of satisfaction that I was able to do it. I didn’t have a lot of extra money but I viewed it as something to take pride in. As I aged I still am happy to pay my bills but somehow (maybe it is because I have more money and that I have faced many challenges) it doesn’t seem as fun.
I guess I was "lucky" in that neither parent helped me in teens or early adulthood (though my father had a good excuse then as he was dead). I learned early on that hospitalizations, hunger, housing - I was on my own. Still, as you very point point out, it's all harder older.
By the way, I often feel I'm the only one on your thread that's not married or widowed. Being an "other" has been very lonely too.
The most significant (but not only) difference for me being alone now vs. younger is survival. When I was on my own between ages of 21 (when I left my parents' home) and 40 (when I got married) is I was totally responsible for myself. I had to have a job with benefits. No job, no money. No money, no home, food, car, etc. I put up with a number of crappy low paying jobs because I had to in order to survive. I was fortunate in that I usually always had something, but it was so stressful carrying this burden by myself, on my own. Once I got married, I was able to go on my husband's health insurance. He worked for the government, so it was far superior to anything available to me. It's not perfect but at least now, if (God forbid) anything happens to my husband, I have health insurance and some money coming in so I would be ok. The stress relief when I retired is something I treasure every day.
Oh, I know about those shitty jobs. You do what you have to do to survive. It was a huge relief for me too when I had my husband's government pay and insurance to count on. I still have a portion of his pension and full insurance now that he's gone. It really does make a difference.
I am 80, my husband is 86. We are alone together most days, don't go out a whole lot. If we get cabin fever, we go out for lunch and save half for dinner. That is our big treat! Tomorrow I have surgery and I'm glad he can drive me and be with me in the following days. Him being older, I know I am blessed to still have time with him and I don't take that for granted. This is just another chapter in our lives together and we are going to enjoy it. Last night I couldn't sleep, nerves (thinking about surgery), and he read out loud to me from "Gales of November" about the sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald in 1975. That is our idea of romance these days and it's all good. He is so precious and he has the best little smile!
My hubby just bought that book. I will have to tell him he needs to read to me from it the next time I have insomnia (which was just last night). Your comment is so sweet. Hopefully hubby and I will be like this when we are in our 80's (only about 10 years away). Best wishes for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery.
I think that if given the choice of living alone at 30 vs 75, 30 is the better age. People who go from their family home to a marriage, and never live alone until their senior years, must be at a disadvantage as to what it’s like to feel truly alone and responsible for every aspect of their days and nights. I had a friend, divorcing her first husband and planning to marry #2, who had never lived alone. Mind you she had 3 kids in the house and no real money worries. I encouraged a waiting period but she wasn’t having it. I still believe we learn so much about ourselves if we are solo for a period of time when we are younger. I was and I fully understand I may be again one day. Having mostly solo hobbies helps. But I may have gotten some skills being an only child until I was 12!
Oddly, this is the first time I've lived with someone for any extended length of time. In my 20s, roommates and live in lovers were always temporary. I loved living alone and never planned on sharing my home. Life had a different plan. Now that I'm accustomed to it, I wonder what it will feel like when it's just me again. I imagine I will really feel the loneliness.
There is a thought that has circled around in my mind since I read your previous post and that is that when I was a younger worker I always took pleasure in paying my bills and the feeling of satisfaction that I was able to do it. I didn’t have a lot of extra money but I viewed it as something to take pride in. As I aged I still am happy to pay my bills but somehow (maybe it is because I have more money and that I have faced many challenges) it doesn’t seem as fun.
Agree with all you say, Sue.
I guess I was "lucky" in that neither parent helped me in teens or early adulthood (though my father had a good excuse then as he was dead). I learned early on that hospitalizations, hunger, housing - I was on my own. Still, as you very point point out, it's all harder older.
By the way, I often feel I'm the only one on your thread that's not married or widowed. Being an "other" has been very lonely too.
As always, you make this solitary Senior feel less alone. Love your posts. Thank you Sue!
Thank you!
The most significant (but not only) difference for me being alone now vs. younger is survival. When I was on my own between ages of 21 (when I left my parents' home) and 40 (when I got married) is I was totally responsible for myself. I had to have a job with benefits. No job, no money. No money, no home, food, car, etc. I put up with a number of crappy low paying jobs because I had to in order to survive. I was fortunate in that I usually always had something, but it was so stressful carrying this burden by myself, on my own. Once I got married, I was able to go on my husband's health insurance. He worked for the government, so it was far superior to anything available to me. It's not perfect but at least now, if (God forbid) anything happens to my husband, I have health insurance and some money coming in so I would be ok. The stress relief when I retired is something I treasure every day.
Oh, I know about those shitty jobs. You do what you have to do to survive. It was a huge relief for me too when I had my husband's government pay and insurance to count on. I still have a portion of his pension and full insurance now that he's gone. It really does make a difference.
Thank goodness they passed the Social Security Fairness Act. That WEP and GPO were real killers. I am guessing you know what I am referring to.
That passed too late to help us, but Fred's pension was good.