Eating Out Alone can be miserable–or a good time

There’s no such thing as a “one top” table

Are you traveling solo this summer? You may run into the dreaded Sunday brunch. All you want is a good breakfast or lunch, but you walk into the restaurant and find yourself alone in a crowd of couples, families with kids, and groups of six, eight, or ten. They either just got out of church or fell out of bed with an urge for pancakes or waffles piled high with strawberries and whipped cream. It’s a party, the voices roaring so loud you can’t hear the music. Good for them. 

But you just want to eat and get back on the road. Sure, you could hit McDonald’s or Dairy Queen, but that’s not what you want.

That was my situation on Sunday. I was doing a performance with three other poet-songwriters in Salem, two hours from home, so I decided to hit Elmer’s for lunch. Elmer's is a chain in Oregon that serves good food and attracts crowds of mostly old people during the week and all ages on weekends. The one in Albany is where I usually ate before or after visits to my husband in the nursing home. It’s a safe choice. I know where it is, I know the menu, and I know what to expect. 

But wowza, the crowd. I signed in at the counter and received a buzzer to let me know when they had a table ready. I was overdressed and alone in a crowd of shorts-wearing Valley folks on their day off.  

I was one of three solo diners, the other two men, but this was not my first rodeo. The first rule of dining alone: do not be embarrassed or feel guilty if they seat you at a four-top by the fireplace with a life-size blue and orange tin crow for company. Smile at the server, ask for what you need, and settle in.

If they suggest you sit at the bar and you don’t want to, insist on a table. If they want you to sit at a tiny table in the corner, and you can see other empty tables, ask for something better. Don’t let them punish you for your lack of companions.

If you wait forever to be served while the bigger parties are getting plenty of attention, it is okay to walk out and eat somewhere else. 

Having something to read helps ease the anxiety, especially in that period between ordering and receiving your food, but if you look around, it’s a great chance for people-watching.  

I was lucky this time. I had a fabulous server who was friendly and anticipated my needs before I asked. My BLTA–bacon, lettuce, tomato, and avocado sandwich–was delicious, as were the fries. My table looking out at the rest of the restaurant let me watch the other diners, who pretty much ignored me. And I did not spill food on my fancy black clothes, so it was a win.

The performance in Salem also went well. I shared the stage with Kristen Grainger, Colette Tennant, John Van Dreal, and Mike Shuler, and I am totally fangirling over all of them. Was it okay to drive 200 miles alone for this event? Sure. Did I think about how much more fun it would have been if my husband were still alive and came with me? I did. But it was good.

I still feel self-conscious sometimes when I go to restaurants alone. I avoid certain places that make me feel uncomfortable. It takes practice to get used to being the only one at the table. But know that the other people in the restaurant are not looking at you. They’re too busy chowing down and talking to each other or staring at their phones. 

You will meet restaurant staff who are clearly not thrilled with a party of one. But you will also meet friendly workers who will make you feel welcome and cared for. Tip them well.  

A few American restaurants allow singles to share tables. I think this is more common in other countries. (Readers, fill me in on this). I was asked a while back at an Asian restaurant called The Dough Zone if I would like to share. I declined because the other customers were all in groups and very young, plus I was having a bad day and wanted to mope alone. But most of the time, I wouldn’t mind. We could talk to each other or not, but it would be nice having company. Would you be willing to share a table with a stranger rather than eating alone?

Sunday brunch is a particularly difficult time to eat out alone. Restaurants are crowded, and they may have a buffet or a different, more expensive menu then. That same restaurant will be much less crowded later in the day or on a Monday. 

I knew what I was getting into, but I wanted a good meal in a good restaurant. I deserved it, and so do you. Remember, a party of one is still a party. 

Do you eat out alone? What is the best/worst part of occupying a table by yourself? Do you think the servers treat you differently? Are there restaurants you won’t go to alone? 

More reading:

“Dinner for One: How Restaurants Welcome Single Diners” - Eater

“Table for one: How can we satisfy single diners?” | The Fork Manager

“At the Community Table, Diners Sit Down as Strangers But Leave with New Friends”

(photo by Olena Bohovyk at Unsplash.com)

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How did I end up alone? I didn’t have any kids. After my husband and I retired to the Oregon coast, far from family, he died of Alzheimer’s. You can read our story in my new memoir, No Way Out of This: Loving a Partner with Alzheimer’s, available now at your favorite bookseller. Visit https://www.suelick.com for information on all of my books.

Join me and Gateway Women founder Jody Day for an online reading and discussion of No Way Out of This on Saturday, June 29 at 10 a.m. Pacific Time. Click bit.ly/gwe-sue to register.