I can relate to eating out alone, even though I’m still married my husband often doesn’t want to go out after Laura passed away. It felt quite lonely to go out to breakfast by myself, but I got used to it because a lot of people seem to go out to breakfast along so lunch and breakfast are OK. I don’t think I ever going out to dinner alone but actually I did when I was training to be a yoga teacher and after work I had to go to Thai restaurant to get some to eat, which was mainly a takeout place, so it didn’t feel awkward, I think the main point of this is that you do feel somewhat.
conspicuous.
sometimes you can feel alone when you’re with people like in a work space lunchroom when no one else’s connecting with you and they’re just talking to each other. That’s all that can be a yucky feeling and often I chose to just work at my computer most of the time the teachers were sharing, their weddings and milestone events and I felt sad or left out. I got used to eating alone and I don’t have a problem with it anymore. It seems you have gotten used to it some perks. The people watching is fun and there’s always someone that wants to have a chat with you even if it’s just a waitress. There’s whole world out there people who want to connect and share a few kind words with one another that’s all you really need. I think since Covid and after all that isolation eating a lot alone does not feel lonely anymore. It was when people were stuck home alone that felt most lonely.
I eat out on my own a decent bit as (I’m not always motivated to cook for 1!) and have generally had good experiences - though when solo I do try to go during off-peak hours, go informal most of the time, am not a picky eater, and tip well. At least in the DC area, I’ve not seen the concept of singles sitting together - not sure how I feel about that! But I’m glad to help new/small new ventures get off the ground post-pandemic, and enjoy eating what I’m unlikely to make at home.
Thanks for this! I have been alone for chunks of my life (husband and I met in mid-life) so I remember well the single-diner-out deal. Was on my own more recently (husband was otherwise occupied, nothing bad), and struck by how accommodating and pleasant the restaurants were. I wonder if it's (a) I'm older and have a better "don't you even think about fucking with me!" face (b) restaurants are so happy you're there post-COVID (c) just more aware that our money's green too?
Like you, Judi, I met my husband mid-life. In my 20's I was so self-conscious about being unmarried. Unfortunately, this led to being in a couple not good for me relationships. Things really changed for the better in my life when I decided "screw it, I'm going to enjoy my life as a single person." First thing I did, booked a bus tour to Toronto with AAA. I was the youngest person on the bus and had a blast. Came home with a souvenir of courage and a new lease on life. I haven't eaten alone in a restaurant for quite awhile but would have no qualms. As Judi pointed out, our money is just as green and many businesses are still recovering from 2020.
I've eaten alone tons of times. Especially before I married, but even now sometimes--especially lunch, if I'm out running errands or something. It really surprised me to find out how many people are uncomfortable eating alone. But only once did a restaurant host treat me rudely over dining solo.
As for sharing: once I was in Portland on a Sunday night, walking around trying to find a restaurant to eat in. In that neighborhood almost everything was closed (maybe it was the business district?), but I gratefully took the last open table in a small Japanese restaurant. When a lone bicyclist came in later, looking hopefully for a seat, I remembered how hungry and desperate I had been myself, and asked if he wanted to sit at my table since I was close to finishing. We chatted a bit while I finished my meal and he ordered his. It was the kind of nice social interaction with strangers that we don't often have in the US.
There once was a restaurant in Boston called Durgin-Park where you would have to sit with others whether you were dining alone or not, since they had long trestle tables that they filled up with multiple parties. It was a nice change of pace!
I’ve eaten alone for many years, not that I go out much anymore. I even used to go to the bars alone if I wanted a beer in my drinking days. No hesitation. I have the right to take up space too, and if people are thinking anything about it, which I’m sure they’re not, it’s none of my affair. The only time I’ve recently had a problem was last November in a fancy steak restaurant in my hotel. The server was an older fellow and took my order and then disappeared from my life forever, in favour of a young group of folx who were drinking. I had no qualms around letting him know this was not acceptable. And his tip reflected my dissatisfaction.
I haven't eaten alone (other than in a food court!) by myself for a long time, but it's something I used to do sometimes. When I was a grad student, a local Italian-ish chain restaurant had a weekly cheap pasta night and I would take a book and go there by myself for a treat (and to escape my roommates, who I didn't get along with). I used to occasionally treat myself with a nice lunch out by myself when I was working too.
I also travelled a bit for work, years ago, and I usually was on my own for dinner. One of my fondest solo dining out memories ever was in the restaurant at the Westin in Calgary during a business trip. I ordered chicken that came with strawberries sauteed in butter (!). They actually wheeled over a little cart to my table & cooked it right in front of me, chatting with me as they cooked. I felt very pampered! and the food was delicious!
Since I became a solo traveller (years ago) and I joined on line communities of other solo travellers, I noticed that eating at reastaurants alone is a major issue for all of us. It's silly, actually, because it's just one of the many things that society tries to impose on us without a true reason, but I must admit I'm uncomfortable as well, sitting alone at a table. I'm trying to stop being influenced so much but whatever other people may think about the poor lonely woman (TM) and I'm happy to say I'm making progress... and compromises with myself. I choose bistrot-like places rather than fancy, more formal places, and I prefer lunch over dinner because it's when many other people from offices and other work places eat alone. The battle will be over the day I'll find the "courage" to sit alone at a cool, big restaurant on a Friday night😆
I've eaten alone for years. I'm a read-a-holic so always have a book or eReader for company. Prefer cafes to "family" restaurants though. I've only been asked to share a table once with another lone woman so a larger party could be accommodated as well. Worked out well despite the fact we were strangers to one another....we both had a love of books and gabbed for ages!
I was eating lunch by myself when I read the piece and smiled because I was so happy to be eating alone and thinking and writing and didn’t want to trade that for companionship unless it would be someone I really wanted to commune with.
“Remember, a party of one is still a party.” Love this!
Agreed with you completely.
I can relate to eating out alone, even though I’m still married my husband often doesn’t want to go out after Laura passed away. It felt quite lonely to go out to breakfast by myself, but I got used to it because a lot of people seem to go out to breakfast along so lunch and breakfast are OK. I don’t think I ever going out to dinner alone but actually I did when I was training to be a yoga teacher and after work I had to go to Thai restaurant to get some to eat, which was mainly a takeout place, so it didn’t feel awkward, I think the main point of this is that you do feel somewhat.
conspicuous.
sometimes you can feel alone when you’re with people like in a work space lunchroom when no one else’s connecting with you and they’re just talking to each other. That’s all that can be a yucky feeling and often I chose to just work at my computer most of the time the teachers were sharing, their weddings and milestone events and I felt sad or left out. I got used to eating alone and I don’t have a problem with it anymore. It seems you have gotten used to it some perks. The people watching is fun and there’s always someone that wants to have a chat with you even if it’s just a waitress. There’s whole world out there people who want to connect and share a few kind words with one another that’s all you really need. I think since Covid and after all that isolation eating a lot alone does not feel lonely anymore. It was when people were stuck home alone that felt most lonely.
Very interesting, Keen to dine with you one day!!
I eat out on my own a decent bit as (I’m not always motivated to cook for 1!) and have generally had good experiences - though when solo I do try to go during off-peak hours, go informal most of the time, am not a picky eater, and tip well. At least in the DC area, I’ve not seen the concept of singles sitting together - not sure how I feel about that! But I’m glad to help new/small new ventures get off the ground post-pandemic, and enjoy eating what I’m unlikely to make at home.
Thanks for this! I have been alone for chunks of my life (husband and I met in mid-life) so I remember well the single-diner-out deal. Was on my own more recently (husband was otherwise occupied, nothing bad), and struck by how accommodating and pleasant the restaurants were. I wonder if it's (a) I'm older and have a better "don't you even think about fucking with me!" face (b) restaurants are so happy you're there post-COVID (c) just more aware that our money's green too?
Like you, Judi, I met my husband mid-life. In my 20's I was so self-conscious about being unmarried. Unfortunately, this led to being in a couple not good for me relationships. Things really changed for the better in my life when I decided "screw it, I'm going to enjoy my life as a single person." First thing I did, booked a bus tour to Toronto with AAA. I was the youngest person on the bus and had a blast. Came home with a souvenir of courage and a new lease on life. I haven't eaten alone in a restaurant for quite awhile but would have no qualms. As Judi pointed out, our money is just as green and many businesses are still recovering from 2020.
I've eaten alone tons of times. Especially before I married, but even now sometimes--especially lunch, if I'm out running errands or something. It really surprised me to find out how many people are uncomfortable eating alone. But only once did a restaurant host treat me rudely over dining solo.
As for sharing: once I was in Portland on a Sunday night, walking around trying to find a restaurant to eat in. In that neighborhood almost everything was closed (maybe it was the business district?), but I gratefully took the last open table in a small Japanese restaurant. When a lone bicyclist came in later, looking hopefully for a seat, I remembered how hungry and desperate I had been myself, and asked if he wanted to sit at my table since I was close to finishing. We chatted a bit while I finished my meal and he ordered his. It was the kind of nice social interaction with strangers that we don't often have in the US.
There once was a restaurant in Boston called Durgin-Park where you would have to sit with others whether you were dining alone or not, since they had long trestle tables that they filled up with multiple parties. It was a nice change of pace!
I’ve eaten alone for many years, not that I go out much anymore. I even used to go to the bars alone if I wanted a beer in my drinking days. No hesitation. I have the right to take up space too, and if people are thinking anything about it, which I’m sure they’re not, it’s none of my affair. The only time I’ve recently had a problem was last November in a fancy steak restaurant in my hotel. The server was an older fellow and took my order and then disappeared from my life forever, in favour of a young group of folx who were drinking. I had no qualms around letting him know this was not acceptable. And his tip reflected my dissatisfaction.
I haven't eaten alone (other than in a food court!) by myself for a long time, but it's something I used to do sometimes. When I was a grad student, a local Italian-ish chain restaurant had a weekly cheap pasta night and I would take a book and go there by myself for a treat (and to escape my roommates, who I didn't get along with). I used to occasionally treat myself with a nice lunch out by myself when I was working too.
I also travelled a bit for work, years ago, and I usually was on my own for dinner. One of my fondest solo dining out memories ever was in the restaurant at the Westin in Calgary during a business trip. I ordered chicken that came with strawberries sauteed in butter (!). They actually wheeled over a little cart to my table & cooked it right in front of me, chatting with me as they cooked. I felt very pampered! and the food was delicious!
Since I became a solo traveller (years ago) and I joined on line communities of other solo travellers, I noticed that eating at reastaurants alone is a major issue for all of us. It's silly, actually, because it's just one of the many things that society tries to impose on us without a true reason, but I must admit I'm uncomfortable as well, sitting alone at a table. I'm trying to stop being influenced so much but whatever other people may think about the poor lonely woman (TM) and I'm happy to say I'm making progress... and compromises with myself. I choose bistrot-like places rather than fancy, more formal places, and I prefer lunch over dinner because it's when many other people from offices and other work places eat alone. The battle will be over the day I'll find the "courage" to sit alone at a cool, big restaurant on a Friday night😆
I'm with you. Lunch is easier than dinner. Informal places easier than formal. I'm still uneasy at the really nice restaurants by myself.
I've eaten alone for years. I'm a read-a-holic so always have a book or eReader for company. Prefer cafes to "family" restaurants though. I've only been asked to share a table once with another lone woman so a larger party could be accommodated as well. Worked out well despite the fact we were strangers to one another....we both had a love of books and gabbed for ages!
I love the encouragement to expect good service and good treatment, and to refuse to be punished for being alone.
Yes and a pleasant, relaxed, confident demeanor, and eye contact will go a long way to set up that expectation.
It never hurts!
When we say, “Table for one” we make that the eye contact moment.
If u see an empty table that you want, ask if it’s available. Smile and look them in the eye until they get that we deserve
I was eating lunch by myself when I read the piece and smiled because I was so happy to be eating alone and thinking and writing and didn’t want to trade that for companionship unless it would be someone I really wanted to commune with.