Thank you for writing this. I am married but have selected to not have any children. And although I am still only in my 40's. I do often contempate the the future and how it will be for us later in life. Your piece has really got me thinking about the importance of community and making that effort to truly have a conversation and check in with neighbours and create that vital network. Not just for our elders, but for us all.
I think about this a lot. Married 43 years and both of us in good health so far. Neighbors down the street are only 5 years older and fighting a host of debilitating conditions. We have no kids and we live in a rural area. My husband is from Ireland so we are toying with the idea of moving back—healthcare won’t bankrupt us and we could much more easily travel (west coast small town = giant hassle getting anywhere by plane). I just don’t want to leave, ever. We built this house. After dealing with tiny kitchens and ugly buildings, we built this one to our specifications. I look at mountains every morning. I can take a 5-mile walk in the woods and never encounter another human. I love every bit of it. I just can’t face leaving.
Ellen, I am in the same situation. Several acres of very private scenic bliss overlooking a pond. Although we didn't build the house ourselves, it feels like it was built to our very own specifications.
But it is 9 kms from the nearest town and winters are hard and isolating. A long winding driveway that requires snowplowing in the winter, plus a few acres of grass that require mowing in the summer - and our damn John Deere tractor keeps breaking down.
Our healthcare costs are minimal here in Canada but we can't afford the thousands of dollars per month it would cost for someone else to maintain the property.
I want to move to a home in the nearest town, but the thought of preparing this home for sale keeps me awake at night.
I am 79, I plan to live in this house as long as I am physically and mentally able. My motivation for exercise and eating well is to live independently and be able to leave this home to our grandson to pay for his college. If the universe has other plans, I will just have to adapt. We are doing okay so far (my husband is 85) but who knows the future? Life is random and everything happens for no reason.
I appreciate this post so much; it takes me back to my own experience with my parents and mom finally accepting that it was time to move into assisted living after my dad had passed several years earlier. It was not easy, packing and purging and preparing the house for sale. I'm so grateful for all the help we received. This is a great reminder to stop and notice one another and to sit for a spell and listen.
Brilliant Sue. Related to it, exactly. Except (unfortunately) I don’t live in such a beautiful sounding spot like you. But all of the rest of it. I’ve just moved and, although I’ve moved many times in my life, this move was way the most difficult. Like you I keep moving, walking the dog even though I have some disability . To keep the old bones moving is important. I fully understand your neighbour’s decision and know that will end up being me. Maybe in the States you are more of a chatty, neighbourly folk. Not so much in the UK nowadays. The families stick together I find. Folk on their own, like me, can be viewed as ‘odd’. Mind you, they may well be right! Lots of love T xx
Thanks for writing about this. It's something most of us are thinking about, but not talking about very much. My husband and I separated this past summer. We did an estate sale - a really heartbreaking event, so much family history and a ton of memories walking out the door - then we sold the house. I moved into an apartment with the 2 cats and he moved back home with his family. I can't travel because of my health and all my family is far away. I couldn't live with them if I wanted to - too many differences. I don't have a social network here, but at the least the property manager of this complex has my emergency information in case something happens. I don't know how long I can do this. I'm still trying to recover from the separation and the move. I hope I can get to a place where I feel "at home" in this apartment, but even if I don't, I will be working hard to stay functional and feel better so I don't have to go into one of "those" places. I don't know about you, but that's the last place I want to be.
Very poignant topic that is certainly top of mind for many at this stage of life. I have lifelong friends, now 80, where the wife is adamant about them choosing a retirement community to move into, but the husband is reluctant. Although she has some health issues, both are still very vibrant, travel frequently, and have children and grandchildren nearby. However, he admits the children have their own lives and probably would not help them stay in their home. The wife wants to move before a crisis occurs and they have to. One thing that troubles him is, as he put it, "All our lives if we didn't like where we were living, we just moved. But this is so final." Yes, that is the hard part, even when it's the right thing to do. Loss on top of loss, as friends, family, neighbors, pets, mental and physical abilities, all diminish or are gone as we age, and then our home. I see an TV ad where a local retirement community is portrayed like a cruise ship with endless activities, great food, new friends, etc. I can tell you that from observing my parents' last 15 years of their lives in an upscale retirement community, the reality is quite different. But there's no turning back, once you make that decision.
Everything you say is so very true. It's such a hard decision, and no retirement community is the same as your own home. The ones I have seen are nothing like a luxury cruise.
Thank you for writing this. I am married but have selected to not have any children. And although I am still only in my 40's. I do often contempate the the future and how it will be for us later in life. Your piece has really got me thinking about the importance of community and making that effort to truly have a conversation and check in with neighbours and create that vital network. Not just for our elders, but for us all.
I think about this a lot. Married 43 years and both of us in good health so far. Neighbors down the street are only 5 years older and fighting a host of debilitating conditions. We have no kids and we live in a rural area. My husband is from Ireland so we are toying with the idea of moving back—healthcare won’t bankrupt us and we could much more easily travel (west coast small town = giant hassle getting anywhere by plane). I just don’t want to leave, ever. We built this house. After dealing with tiny kitchens and ugly buildings, we built this one to our specifications. I look at mountains every morning. I can take a 5-mile walk in the woods and never encounter another human. I love every bit of it. I just can’t face leaving.
Ellen, I am in the same situation. Several acres of very private scenic bliss overlooking a pond. Although we didn't build the house ourselves, it feels like it was built to our very own specifications.
But it is 9 kms from the nearest town and winters are hard and isolating. A long winding driveway that requires snowplowing in the winter, plus a few acres of grass that require mowing in the summer - and our damn John Deere tractor keeps breaking down.
Our healthcare costs are minimal here in Canada but we can't afford the thousands of dollars per month it would cost for someone else to maintain the property.
I want to move to a home in the nearest town, but the thought of preparing this home for sale keeps me awake at night.
You are definitely not alone in worrying about this.
I am 79, I plan to live in this house as long as I am physically and mentally able. My motivation for exercise and eating well is to live independently and be able to leave this home to our grandson to pay for his college. If the universe has other plans, I will just have to adapt. We are doing okay so far (my husband is 85) but who knows the future? Life is random and everything happens for no reason.
Thanks for this.
When I consider the situation, I take solace in being firm with myself to make the move before the choice is made for me.
Well, that's the plan, at least.
I appreciate this post so much; it takes me back to my own experience with my parents and mom finally accepting that it was time to move into assisted living after my dad had passed several years earlier. It was not easy, packing and purging and preparing the house for sale. I'm so grateful for all the help we received. This is a great reminder to stop and notice one another and to sit for a spell and listen.
This is such an interesting and important question, Sue.
Brilliant Sue. Related to it, exactly. Except (unfortunately) I don’t live in such a beautiful sounding spot like you. But all of the rest of it. I’ve just moved and, although I’ve moved many times in my life, this move was way the most difficult. Like you I keep moving, walking the dog even though I have some disability . To keep the old bones moving is important. I fully understand your neighbour’s decision and know that will end up being me. Maybe in the States you are more of a chatty, neighbourly folk. Not so much in the UK nowadays. The families stick together I find. Folk on their own, like me, can be viewed as ‘odd’. Mind you, they may well be right! Lots of love T xx
We are chatty out here in the boonies, not so much in the cities. Keep those bones moving. Xx
Thanks for writing about this. It's something most of us are thinking about, but not talking about very much. My husband and I separated this past summer. We did an estate sale - a really heartbreaking event, so much family history and a ton of memories walking out the door - then we sold the house. I moved into an apartment with the 2 cats and he moved back home with his family. I can't travel because of my health and all my family is far away. I couldn't live with them if I wanted to - too many differences. I don't have a social network here, but at the least the property manager of this complex has my emergency information in case something happens. I don't know how long I can do this. I'm still trying to recover from the separation and the move. I hope I can get to a place where I feel "at home" in this apartment, but even if I don't, I will be working hard to stay functional and feel better so I don't have to go into one of "those" places. I don't know about you, but that's the last place I want to be.
Nobody wants to be in those places. I am so sorry you’re going through all this.
Very poignant topic that is certainly top of mind for many at this stage of life. I have lifelong friends, now 80, where the wife is adamant about them choosing a retirement community to move into, but the husband is reluctant. Although she has some health issues, both are still very vibrant, travel frequently, and have children and grandchildren nearby. However, he admits the children have their own lives and probably would not help them stay in their home. The wife wants to move before a crisis occurs and they have to. One thing that troubles him is, as he put it, "All our lives if we didn't like where we were living, we just moved. But this is so final." Yes, that is the hard part, even when it's the right thing to do. Loss on top of loss, as friends, family, neighbors, pets, mental and physical abilities, all diminish or are gone as we age, and then our home. I see an TV ad where a local retirement community is portrayed like a cruise ship with endless activities, great food, new friends, etc. I can tell you that from observing my parents' last 15 years of their lives in an upscale retirement community, the reality is quite different. But there's no turning back, once you make that decision.
Everything you say is so very true. It's such a hard decision, and no retirement community is the same as your own home. The ones I have seen are nothing like a luxury cruise.
Lovely piece