How do we stay safe when walking alone?

Should our fears keep us from going out?

“I go out walking after midnight, out in the moonlight . . .” So begins a classic Patsy Cline country song. Here’s a link if you want to listen as you read.

But is it safe to go walking after midnight or any other time by yourself? That’s the question of the day. In an earlier post, we talked about staying safe in our homes, but what about those times we want or need to walk? We might be walking for exercise, to blow off steam, or to enjoy nature. We might be traveling and want to explore. We might need to walk from a building to our car, a bus or a subway.

Maybe we’re walking from the way-far parking lot at the airport to the terminal or to a shuttle to get to the terminal and we’re laden with luggage and it’s four o’clock in the morning and nobody is around. Do we feel safe? Probably not.

Most of the time we’ll be fine. But we need to be aware of the dangers, namely people, vehicles, and wild animals (or domestic pets with bad manners).

A 2023 Gallup poll found that four in ten Americans are afraid to walk within a mile of their homes. The fear is greater than the incidence of crimes actually experienced, but it’s real.

In the movies, it’s always when the person, usually a woman, is walking alone at night that they get mugged, raped, beaten, kidnapped, or murdered. But that’s fiction. Screenwriters use the violence to spark the story.

I spend a lot of time screaming “Don’t go there!” at characters on the screen. They never listen.

That said, we need to do as my mom would have recommended: Use your head.

I walk alone all the time, even during this dark and stormy time of year. I walk around my neighborhood. I walk in cities where I travel. I walk in parks, on trails, and on beaches. I’m nearly always alone. I like to be spontaneous. I want to go now, not at two o’clock on Thursday.

I’m not a long-distance walker, especially these days. We’d need a whole other post for backpackers and such. But I do like to get out and stomp dirt. Walking is one of the top recommendations for just about every health problem a person could have, plus it feels good.

When my dog Annie was around, she would summon me at three o’clock. Every day. If I persisted on sitting at my desk, she’d paw me until I gave in. I called her my personal trainer. When I get my next dog, we’ll go walking, too. Meanwhile, I walk alone.

I move quickly, rarely stopping, although I do slow down to pet Bobo and Winnie on the next street when they come running out to say hello. I don’t want to be rude.

I’m not afraid, but I’m not stupid. I don’t walk around here at night. Without streetlights or sidewalks, there’s too much risk of encountering a wild animal or getting hit by a car.

I do walk at night in the city or the suburbs where there are lights and people. On my recent trip to California, I walked the streets of Santa Clara, Petaluma, Eureka, and other places with no problems.

I have had my challenges, especially when I lived in San Jose in the pre-cell phone era.

• I was leaving a restaurant where I had been taking pictures of an event for the newspaper where I worked. It was late. This guy came out of nowhere and followed me, making suggestive comments. I told him to buzz off and kept walking. He kept following me. I was so bogged down with camera gear I couldn’t run. I considered my options. I had a key to the office, which wasn’t far, but no one was there at that hour. I rushed past the office to my car in the parking lot, dove into the driver’s seat, and practically ran over the guy driving out of there.

• Another time in San Jose, during a big festival where I was taking photos for a story, this guy followed me. It was July, midday, hot, and crowded. He wanted to get friendly, too. When I said no, he leaned in, pointing to the cross I was wearing around my neck. “Christians are supposed to give,” he said. I yelled at him to leave me alone and dashed into a store to shake him off. That night, I wrote a piece that won me the San Jose Mercury News’ Silver Pen Award. But it scared the beejeebers out of me.

• Another time, I was getting cash at the Wells Fargo Bank ATM after work when a guy grabbed my butt. I was already in a bad mood. Not stopping to think, I swung around and punched him, saying, “Leave me the fuck alone.” Then I ran to my car and drove away, shaking and crying. My anger saved me that time. I think the guy was too stoned to react, but what if he had hit me back or pulled a knife? I no longer go to ATMs after dark.

Etc.

If you have walked alone, you have your own stories to tell.

So, what should we do? Hide? Not me.

• If you truly don’t feel safe, ask a friend or co-worker to come with you. Some universities, shopping malls and other institutions have security guards who will escort anyone who asks for protection.

• Join a walking group. Our new 60+ Friends group is walking regularly. Or, you can ask a friend or neighbor if they want to walk with you. Most of us would like to get more exercise and need a nudge to actually do it.

• If you’re feeling ballsy and you see someone you know walking alone, you might approach them and say, “Hey I feel anxious walking by myself. Can we walk together?” The worst they can say is no.

• If you just want exercise, go to the gym and walk on a treadmill. Or buy your own, like I did.

We all have times when we have no choice but to walk alone. We need to walk from point A to point B. It might be dark. It might feel dangerous. How can we stay safe?

• Stay in the light. Stay on major thoroughfares. Don’t dawdle.

• Be alert and aware. Don’t wear earplugs or headphones or stare at your phone.

• Look around. Is there a store, office, or house where you might go for help?

• Walk with confidence, eyes wide open, projecting a “don’t mess with me” attitude.

• In the memoir I just finished reading, The Punk Rock Queen of the Jews by Rossi (so good), Rossi lived in a dicey part of New York. A man who knew his way around told her the best defense was to act crazy. It worked for her.

• Where I live, we are told that if approached by a cougar or bear, we should not run but yell and spread out our arms to make ourselves look too big and intimidating to mess with. The same works with people to a certain extent. If it doesn’t, get the hell out of there.

• Back up your confidence with a self-defense plan. Training in martial arts or self-defense is a great idea, but if you’re mature, overweight, and arthritic like me, you’re likely to lose a physical fight. Instead, carry bug spray or bear spray, a taser, or even a weapon if you feel comfortable with it. If you use a cane or walking stick, you can whack somebody with it if needed.

• Carry a loud whistle or alarm.

• Always have your phone with you.

• Carry your identification. I am haunted by the memory of a woman in my old neighborhood who went down on her bike and was badly injured. It took days to find out who she was. Guys usually carry their wallets in their pockets, but lots of women’s clothes don’t even have pockets. I hate that. Sometimes I wear a lanyard around my neck with my key and a copy of my driver’s license.

• Keep your hands free. If you must carry something that doesn’t fit in a pocket, put it in a backpack.

• Dress appropriately for the weather, wear light clothes so people can see you, and stick with comfortable shoes you can run in. Only Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex and the City” runs well in heels.

• Don’t assume cars will stop. The drivers might not see you.

• In the wilderness, look around for animal scat or footprints. If critters are nearby, consider quietly retreating. Do not run; they will chase you. If you hear a rattlesnake, just get out of its way. They don’t attack unless disturbed.

• Trails where other people are walking are generally safer than being out in nature alone. Even where people or animals are not a threat, there’s always the possibility you could be injured or become unwell. If you don’t feel right, turn around and go home.

• Get a dog. It’s a two-for-one, protection and a friend.

Your turn: Do you go walking by yourself? What suggestions can you add to the list to keep us safe?

Further reading

Walking Alone? Remember These 10 Tips

When you're outdoors by yourself

10 Best Apps To Help You Feel Safe When Walking Home Alone At Night

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Hey! We crossed over 800 subscribers today. It’s 802, to be exact. Thank you so much for being here. Together, we will figure out how to do this life alone.

Happy solstice day. May your holidays bring you joy, whether you spend them on your own or in a crowd.

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How did I end up alone? My first marriage ended in divorce. My second husband died of Alzheimer’s after we had moved to the Oregon coast, far from family. I never had any kids, only dogs. Now I live by myself in a big house in the woods. You can read our story in my memoir, No Way Out of This: Loving a Partner with Alzheimer’s, available now at your favorite bookseller. Visit https://www.suelick.com for information on all of my books.