I struggle with the same balance. I work from home and have a small acreage to manage after my ex and I separated. I am extremely lucky but a bit worn out at times. Between the house, trying to maintain the lawn and flowers beds (some have gone wild), and caring for two ponies, a dog, and two cats, it all seems like a lot at times. But… I am content in a way I haven’t been for a long time.
Sue, time management and prioritizing are BOTH hard for me. Somedays it seems I don't have enough to do (we live in a small apt. in the winter); other days I can't fit it all in. I've never thought of charting my writing time, however. I do know that when I have a day stretching ahead of me to use as I please, the thought of sitting down to write, with no time limit, is hugely pleasurable.
Please don't fret. Short cuts, simplify, and screw this is in order. I have a house, yard, 2 pups, and low income due to a disability. No more lists. They wind me up. Do housework for two hours per day. Then reward yourself for the remainder of the day. Write, read, play the piano, sit in the sun. Limit cooking, therefore dishes and slop. Get rid of plastic storage crap. I have one beautiful bowl that I use for all meals. Use baby wipes to kill dust and grime. Make 2 necessary phone calls per day. Done. I like to cuddle on my couch and read the classics with my pups. All is well.
I once told a married friend how tired I was of doing everything
Her response was. It’s not as if my husband does 50%. She simply had no frame of reference. I would have been thrilled to have someone do 5 % of the chores or pick me up ; did not have to wait all day at the car repair shop.
I was especially touched by your listing of how an aging body limits us. Plus trying to carve out time for connection and joyful projects. At the same time , I feel very fortunate to have my handicap accessible home in a caring neighborhood where others help me out.
When I was a national newspaper correspondent, I'd often arrive home and be sent back on the road within 24-48 hours. One time I told my editor I needed another day to pay bills, do laundry, eat something homemade for more than one meal, etc. I had to remind him that, unlike the other road warriors, I didn't have a wife. You've got this. A chore a day is seven a week. There's little that needs to be done more often than that!
I've figured myself out. Lots of energy in the morning, so I work doing chores like a whirlwind til early afternoon when I need to rest my back. Then, either I do something else that's easy, or decide to do whatever I want which often is nothing--TV, reading, scrabble. Til the next day. . .
Dust - we have an agreement, I'm a little allergic, so, I don't disturb it, and it doesn't disturb me. Once in every great while I sneak up on it with a damp sponge and we're good for another long stretch.
Another body to wait - Luckily, if you want to look at it that way, Mom needs an aide during the day, and is mostly home bound. So, I have my built in "wait for the plumber, please."
Younger - No. I'm sorry, just no. Another Stacker claimed to enjoy it as well, Leslie Fuquinay Miller (I have no idea how to hot tag someone so....) https://substack.com/@fuquinay . I have so much respect for you both, but no. This will not do. It is my "it's okay to fall asleep on the couch in front of this show because...pointless, vapid, how is that woman even vaguely interesting." I slept on and off through all six seasons. Maybe it's just me, but I couldnt bear Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt either. Maybe I just don't click with uber happy, upbeat people.
Now I'm sleeping on and off to AP Bio. Highly recommend it for that.
But yeah, I get it. It would be nice to have another responsible adult around sometimes. But for me, not nice enough to have to put up with them *all* the time.
I'll prolly never see your home or your yard and I really enjoy your writing, so, I say, write and read to your heart's content
Thanks for making me laugh, Jodi. I know your mum-care takes a lot of your time, but you're still managing to keep us amused. I'm allergic to dust, too. Good reason to leave it alone. I couldn't stand Kimmy Schmidt either. I will keep writing and reading.
As always, you inspire me by your writing! I also have lots to take care of and wish my husband was still here. However, the thought of not doing things the way I want and not compromising keeps me trekking on, single. I love the thought of hours to myself to paint, journal or read without guilt. There are just all day clean and organize days, perhaps once a week to get stuff done. The other thing I do that I never ever did, was put “everything” in the dishwasher and run it more often. Who knew that would help?
Thank you for writing this, Sue. I spend a lot of time wondering how anyone is managing life. I've been a single mother, with no real help or support, for a decade now. Whilst dealing with disability, health issues and bereavement. I'm barely coping, if I'm honest. I just wish I had someone here to share some of the work...
My partner died last year so my days are filled with grief as well as health issues too. I make a “to do” list daily, good intentions but it’s so hard to keep up. I wonder how many of us are “barely coping”.
Hi Pat. I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure a lot of us are barely coping. It's so hard, and folks who haven't been through it think we should be "over it" after a few months. You have a lot of company here, and we're on your side.
I'm sorry to hear about the death of your partner, Pat. You are still very much in the early days of grief, so please be really kind and gentle with yourself. You are not alone, with the experience of grief and with dealing with health issues, or with those feelings of barely coping. I always find being open and truthful with safe people who understand helps me feel less alone.
I realize that you aren't asking for answers to your issues, but I do think that what is important to you should be given more weight than being a third of the time that you are budgeting.
My sister-in-law has a cleaning service come in monthly. She loves being in her freshly cleaned home because the cleaners come in, do all the heavy-duty cleaning such has the bathrooms and kitchen as well as dusting. There is no rule that you have to do it yourself. For projects you might hire a handy man. I have not gone grocery shopping since the beginning of covid and (I order online) it is not because I can't but more because I don't want to. I did have to weigh how important it was to have the perfect fruit and vegetables against my time and energy.
There are some days that when I think back to what I have accomplished I can mentally click off finishing my favorite shows that I have been watching (bingeing really) which is really alright with me because my other days I am out and about volunteering 3 days a week, visiting my sisters, going to church (all of which are important to me).
I watched and enjoyed Younger when it first came out which seems to me was a couple of years ago. By the way, I never thought that she looked 26.
Good suggestions, Carolyn. It's hard to find a handyman around here who is trustworthy and has the skills, but I'm still looking. I may well hire someone to clean. But I will keep shopping because I like to choose my own stuff. I did the online thing during Covid, and it is a good alternative. Regarding "Younger," I agree. Especially in the later seasons, she does not look 26, but it's fun anyway. I admire you for all you do.
Yup. Time management, or as I’ve come to think of it, energy management, is the only major downside to living alone for me. It’s also a huge challenge with running a small business. I’m coming to terms with the fact that the to-do list will never get done. And if I want to do fun stuff, it has to be scheduled in too. Easier said than done!
Hi Sue. I'm very glad to have come across your writing. Like you, I'm an orphan and live alone on a small property in Australia 30km from the nearest town and I'm 67. I am slowly recovering from chronic fatigue that I've lived with for around 4 years, recovered enough to be able to enjoy a bit of fun in life again. But it saps my energy and the list of things that need to be done seems never-ending, including trying to restore some order after barely being able to get off the couch for a couple of years. I've been sitting today, wishing I could feel on top of things but feeling tired after some fun outings in the last week. Reading your account of the difficulties you have gave me a boost - just to be reminded I'm not the only person to deal with these things. And a sense of gratitude that, unlike some others here, I don't have to deal with the death of a partner and learn how to manage alone. Thanks! 🌻
Welcome, Glenda. Illness is so frustrating, isn’ it? My hip hurt so bad last night, I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to weep. I want to do so much, but sometimes I just can’t I’m glad you’re feeling better.
I struggle with the same balance. I work from home and have a small acreage to manage after my ex and I separated. I am extremely lucky but a bit worn out at times. Between the house, trying to maintain the lawn and flowers beds (some have gone wild), and caring for two ponies, a dog, and two cats, it all seems like a lot at times. But… I am content in a way I haven’t been for a long time.
Sue, time management and prioritizing are BOTH hard for me. Somedays it seems I don't have enough to do (we live in a small apt. in the winter); other days I can't fit it all in. I've never thought of charting my writing time, however. I do know that when I have a day stretching ahead of me to use as I please, the thought of sitting down to write, with no time limit, is hugely pleasurable.
Please don't fret. Short cuts, simplify, and screw this is in order. I have a house, yard, 2 pups, and low income due to a disability. No more lists. They wind me up. Do housework for two hours per day. Then reward yourself for the remainder of the day. Write, read, play the piano, sit in the sun. Limit cooking, therefore dishes and slop. Get rid of plastic storage crap. I have one beautiful bowl that I use for all meals. Use baby wipes to kill dust and grime. Make 2 necessary phone calls per day. Done. I like to cuddle on my couch and read the classics with my pups. All is well.
I once told a married friend how tired I was of doing everything
Her response was. It’s not as if my husband does 50%. She simply had no frame of reference. I would have been thrilled to have someone do 5 % of the chores or pick me up ; did not have to wait all day at the car repair shop.
I was especially touched by your listing of how an aging body limits us. Plus trying to carve out time for connection and joyful projects. At the same time , I feel very fortunate to have my handicap accessible home in a caring neighborhood where others help me out.
When I was a national newspaper correspondent, I'd often arrive home and be sent back on the road within 24-48 hours. One time I told my editor I needed another day to pay bills, do laundry, eat something homemade for more than one meal, etc. I had to remind him that, unlike the other road warriors, I didn't have a wife. You've got this. A chore a day is seven a week. There's little that needs to be done more often than that!
I've figured myself out. Lots of energy in the morning, so I work doing chores like a whirlwind til early afternoon when I need to rest my back. Then, either I do something else that's easy, or decide to do whatever I want which often is nothing--TV, reading, scrabble. Til the next day. . .
Younger is the BEST show! Enjoy!
Yes, it's always a juggling act, always a question of which balls to keep in the air. I thought I'd have *enough* time when I retired. Not so, LOL!
I know this piece was not about watching TV, but I am hooked on Korean and Chinese TV shows on Netflix, especially the ones that have subtitles.
I watched Younger recently and enjoyed it, but I agree about their constant work/on-the-go lives!
Okay, one thing at a time.
Dust - we have an agreement, I'm a little allergic, so, I don't disturb it, and it doesn't disturb me. Once in every great while I sneak up on it with a damp sponge and we're good for another long stretch.
Another body to wait - Luckily, if you want to look at it that way, Mom needs an aide during the day, and is mostly home bound. So, I have my built in "wait for the plumber, please."
Younger - No. I'm sorry, just no. Another Stacker claimed to enjoy it as well, Leslie Fuquinay Miller (I have no idea how to hot tag someone so....) https://substack.com/@fuquinay . I have so much respect for you both, but no. This will not do. It is my "it's okay to fall asleep on the couch in front of this show because...pointless, vapid, how is that woman even vaguely interesting." I slept on and off through all six seasons. Maybe it's just me, but I couldnt bear Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt either. Maybe I just don't click with uber happy, upbeat people.
Now I'm sleeping on and off to AP Bio. Highly recommend it for that.
But yeah, I get it. It would be nice to have another responsible adult around sometimes. But for me, not nice enough to have to put up with them *all* the time.
I'll prolly never see your home or your yard and I really enjoy your writing, so, I say, write and read to your heart's content
Thanks for making me laugh, Jodi. I know your mum-care takes a lot of your time, but you're still managing to keep us amused. I'm allergic to dust, too. Good reason to leave it alone. I couldn't stand Kimmy Schmidt either. I will keep writing and reading.
::soul sisters::
As always, you inspire me by your writing! I also have lots to take care of and wish my husband was still here. However, the thought of not doing things the way I want and not compromising keeps me trekking on, single. I love the thought of hours to myself to paint, journal or read without guilt. There are just all day clean and organize days, perhaps once a week to get stuff done. The other thing I do that I never ever did, was put “everything” in the dishwasher and run it more often. Who knew that would help?
Thanks, Noreen. I like to do things my way, too. I may try your dishwasher trick.
Thank you for writing this, Sue. I spend a lot of time wondering how anyone is managing life. I've been a single mother, with no real help or support, for a decade now. Whilst dealing with disability, health issues and bereavement. I'm barely coping, if I'm honest. I just wish I had someone here to share some of the work...
Me too, Emma.
My partner died last year so my days are filled with grief as well as health issues too. I make a “to do” list daily, good intentions but it’s so hard to keep up. I wonder how many of us are “barely coping”.
Hi Pat. I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure a lot of us are barely coping. It's so hard, and folks who haven't been through it think we should be "over it" after a few months. You have a lot of company here, and we're on your side.
I'm sorry to hear about the death of your partner, Pat. You are still very much in the early days of grief, so please be really kind and gentle with yourself. You are not alone, with the experience of grief and with dealing with health issues, or with those feelings of barely coping. I always find being open and truthful with safe people who understand helps me feel less alone.
I realize that you aren't asking for answers to your issues, but I do think that what is important to you should be given more weight than being a third of the time that you are budgeting.
My sister-in-law has a cleaning service come in monthly. She loves being in her freshly cleaned home because the cleaners come in, do all the heavy-duty cleaning such has the bathrooms and kitchen as well as dusting. There is no rule that you have to do it yourself. For projects you might hire a handy man. I have not gone grocery shopping since the beginning of covid and (I order online) it is not because I can't but more because I don't want to. I did have to weigh how important it was to have the perfect fruit and vegetables against my time and energy.
There are some days that when I think back to what I have accomplished I can mentally click off finishing my favorite shows that I have been watching (bingeing really) which is really alright with me because my other days I am out and about volunteering 3 days a week, visiting my sisters, going to church (all of which are important to me).
I watched and enjoyed Younger when it first came out which seems to me was a couple of years ago. By the way, I never thought that she looked 26.
Good suggestions, Carolyn. It's hard to find a handyman around here who is trustworthy and has the skills, but I'm still looking. I may well hire someone to clean. But I will keep shopping because I like to choose my own stuff. I did the online thing during Covid, and it is a good alternative. Regarding "Younger," I agree. Especially in the later seasons, she does not look 26, but it's fun anyway. I admire you for all you do.
Yup. Time management, or as I’ve come to think of it, energy management, is the only major downside to living alone for me. It’s also a huge challenge with running a small business. I’m coming to terms with the fact that the to-do list will never get done. And if I want to do fun stuff, it has to be scheduled in too. Easier said than done!
Yes, it's energy management, not time management!
Yes. Totally agree. We have to put fun on the to-do list, too.
Hi Sue. I'm very glad to have come across your writing. Like you, I'm an orphan and live alone on a small property in Australia 30km from the nearest town and I'm 67. I am slowly recovering from chronic fatigue that I've lived with for around 4 years, recovered enough to be able to enjoy a bit of fun in life again. But it saps my energy and the list of things that need to be done seems never-ending, including trying to restore some order after barely being able to get off the couch for a couple of years. I've been sitting today, wishing I could feel on top of things but feeling tired after some fun outings in the last week. Reading your account of the difficulties you have gave me a boost - just to be reminded I'm not the only person to deal with these things. And a sense of gratitude that, unlike some others here, I don't have to deal with the death of a partner and learn how to manage alone. Thanks! 🌻
Welcome, Glenda. Illness is so frustrating, isn’ it? My hip hurt so bad last night, I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to weep. I want to do so much, but sometimes I just can’t I’m glad you’re feeling better.