I moved around a lot when I was young living everywhere from the U.S. Virgin Islands to Alaska. This required making a whole new set of friends with each move. I never gave it much thought when I was young. I’m an extrovert and It just sort of “happened.” Five years ago I moved one last time at age 70 and it wasn’t so easy this time. I have a few acquaintances but most women I’ve met are married or at least have children and grand children. They’re busy with their families. My brother and sister live in another state so I don’t have a family nearby and my closest friends are scattered around the country. We keep in touch through social media, zoom gatherings, texts, group emails and phone calls. We evening watched the debates “together” texting in real time! A day doesn’t go by that I’m not connecting to most of them. We also visit each other. I’m a fiber artist - a solitary practice - but for the last few years I’ve met an old friend at conferences and workshops. Yes there are days, many days, when I don’t speak to a single soul in person except my pug Opie, but I found many ways to connect and nourish my relationships that ward off loneliness.
Thank you Sue, for another thought-provoking essay. I'm a retired substance abuse counselor who managed a non-profit rehab for 40 women who were mandated into treatment through the criminal justice system. I spent my career surrounded by people women who talked to me and AT me all day. By the time I retired I was tired of listening and tired of talking. Pretty burned out. The first few years of retirement were devoted to cancer surgery and recovery where I relied on my medical team and support system to help me get through the emotional part of cancer recovery. Now, after years of recovery from cancer and burnout, I am quite content to hang out on my own, but, like you, I know there are people available to me if I need them.
Really Interesting post and topic, thank you. . I think high extroverts (those who get energized around people) might cope with a day or two alone, whereas some introverts (who get energized alone) could posdibly go weeks alone, feeling fine . Maybe its about finding your personal number. For me its about 2 days! I also am aware of the trap where loneliness feels like depression, which then can lead to feelings of avoidance and withdrawal, which only perpetuates the problem if you give in to it.
You are bold and brave
reaching out to others when you feel this way.
Also a psychiatrist once told me that when a human brain is in proximity to another human brain, and its a positive exchange, then your brain will start to produce feel good chemicals (serotonin, dopamine) within one hour - you can actually see it on an MRI - its like taking an actual antidepressant!
So keep reaching out when you feel the pull to connect!
I so relate to being that shy kid. It's hard. Us more introverted types have a lot more hurdles to overcome to make those connections happen. But then again, we are possibly better equipped to handle the alone time in some ways. Love your honest reflections Sue.
I absolutely love this. I cannot wait for people to reach out to me, so I try (best I can) to be proactive. Many, if not most, of my friends are super 'busy' too. But it does matter to make the effort. I am responsible for me. Thank you, Sue. 💜
As an introvert I have always been fueled by lots of time alone. Days can go by without speaking to someone and I am ok with that. I think there is a difference between just being alone or being isolated.
Those who don't put forth the effort to interact with others, at least occasionally, seem to be the ones who end up with mental or emotional issues that can be hard to undo.
I moved around a lot when I was young living everywhere from the U.S. Virgin Islands to Alaska. This required making a whole new set of friends with each move. I never gave it much thought when I was young. I’m an extrovert and It just sort of “happened.” Five years ago I moved one last time at age 70 and it wasn’t so easy this time. I have a few acquaintances but most women I’ve met are married or at least have children and grand children. They’re busy with their families. My brother and sister live in another state so I don’t have a family nearby and my closest friends are scattered around the country. We keep in touch through social media, zoom gatherings, texts, group emails and phone calls. We evening watched the debates “together” texting in real time! A day doesn’t go by that I’m not connecting to most of them. We also visit each other. I’m a fiber artist - a solitary practice - but for the last few years I’ve met an old friend at conferences and workshops. Yes there are days, many days, when I don’t speak to a single soul in person except my pug Opie, but I found many ways to connect and nourish my relationships that ward off loneliness.
Thank you Sue, for another thought-provoking essay. I'm a retired substance abuse counselor who managed a non-profit rehab for 40 women who were mandated into treatment through the criminal justice system. I spent my career surrounded by people women who talked to me and AT me all day. By the time I retired I was tired of listening and tired of talking. Pretty burned out. The first few years of retirement were devoted to cancer surgery and recovery where I relied on my medical team and support system to help me get through the emotional part of cancer recovery. Now, after years of recovery from cancer and burnout, I am quite content to hang out on my own, but, like you, I know there are people available to me if I need them.
Really Interesting post and topic, thank you. . I think high extroverts (those who get energized around people) might cope with a day or two alone, whereas some introverts (who get energized alone) could posdibly go weeks alone, feeling fine . Maybe its about finding your personal number. For me its about 2 days! I also am aware of the trap where loneliness feels like depression, which then can lead to feelings of avoidance and withdrawal, which only perpetuates the problem if you give in to it.
You are bold and brave
reaching out to others when you feel this way.
Also a psychiatrist once told me that when a human brain is in proximity to another human brain, and its a positive exchange, then your brain will start to produce feel good chemicals (serotonin, dopamine) within one hour - you can actually see it on an MRI - its like taking an actual antidepressant!
So keep reaching out when you feel the pull to connect!
I love this comment. Thank you.
I so relate to being that shy kid. It's hard. Us more introverted types have a lot more hurdles to overcome to make those connections happen. But then again, we are possibly better equipped to handle the alone time in some ways. Love your honest reflections Sue.
Thank you.
I absolutely love this. I cannot wait for people to reach out to me, so I try (best I can) to be proactive. Many, if not most, of my friends are super 'busy' too. But it does matter to make the effort. I am responsible for me. Thank you, Sue. 💜
As an introvert I have always been fueled by lots of time alone. Days can go by without speaking to someone and I am ok with that. I think there is a difference between just being alone or being isolated.
Those who don't put forth the effort to interact with others, at least occasionally, seem to be the ones who end up with mental or emotional issues that can be hard to undo.