I relate to so much of this, even though I have a partner. We have no kids, and no extended family on this side of the globe. Christmas is always a grief trigger for me on multiple different levels, and nothing ever feels quite right. Thanks for giving voice to this. I think there are many more of us that feel this way, despite the images the media portrays of happy families. I usually opt for the 'orphans' Christmas and invite a random collection of waifs and strays.
I agree, holidays alone are challenging. However, during COVID I realized I could do it. I bought myself my favourite treats and watched movies and cuddled with my dog and stopped myself from ruminating on past picture postcard family holidays. You give some really good tips here, so thank you. After all, it’s just another day so we have to accept our new normal and not get caught up in the insane commercialization and marketing of it. And definitely stay off social media and anything viewing that has commercials!
I totally agree. It comes back to comparison, which we talked about a while back. When we start comparing this year to our holidays in the past or to what it seems everyone else is doing, it's upsetting. If we just focus on making a good day for ourselves, we'll be find.
I'm in a recovery program, which I lean on very heavily especially during the holidays. I'm able to call or text someone just to reach out. I'm always relieved though on January 2nd.
I so appreciate you sharing your experience and advice, Sue. Thank you!
Last Christmas I was newly widowed and newly 55. My son lives four hours away and spends Christmas day at his home with his wife. I suggested to my mother (also widowed) that we travel because it was going to be a rough holiday no matter what, so let's try something new. She chose to spend the holiday in a cabin in a state park. It was one of the worst ideas that we ever had. Nothing like sitting in a dark cabin in the woods with no one around to make you miserable. We decided to drive 3 hours back home on Christmas morning. It was such a relief to be home!
So this year, we've decided to spend the day at home in our pajamas, watching tv and reading books. My husband was like yours, he LOVED Christmas, so the day will still be difficult, but I'm going to lean into the Norwegian idea of hygge.
I think being willing to pivot is essential when you're trying to learn how to find a new way through this life. That's why I so appreciate hearing your thoughts on your journey. Thank you again <3
Thank you, Tammy. As I try to make reservations for next week and keep getting dire reports about the weather I'll need to drive through, your staying home in your pjs plan sounds better and better.
I am decorating, but not much. As a solo person I am spending turkey day with beloved friends, but not long. Much of my day will involve work, because right now I have to. Everyone else is having their own meltdowns about having to be with family who voted "wrong," or otherwise committed some offense. There is NOTHING EASY about the holidays. Frankly, Sue, I for one am tired of the false sales job that pitches all those happy people around a big table. In a world full of singles, that's no longer reality. What we make of an oversold holiday is what's real. Above all, I am so damned lucky to have a roof, food, transportation, a dog, and neighbors who just texted me to have turkey day with them, but I am already committed. It's what we make of it. I am fully aware that those of us who are widowed and whose families did indeed have big celebrations, it is a very difficult time. Holidays for me have largely been solo, and I have largely just worked. They are just another day. Perhaps that's a loss but in other ways, it's really not. I truly hear you, and I wish you the best of all experiences.
Thank you, Julia. You have nailed it. I'm tired of the happy-family fantasy being imposed on us. For so many, it's not like that at all. Except for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I usually work through the holidays, too. I'm most comfortable at my desk or at the piano. May your days go well.
I relate to so much of this, even though I have a partner. We have no kids, and no extended family on this side of the globe. Christmas is always a grief trigger for me on multiple different levels, and nothing ever feels quite right. Thanks for giving voice to this. I think there are many more of us that feel this way, despite the images the media portrays of happy families. I usually opt for the 'orphans' Christmas and invite a random collection of waifs and strays.
I agree, holidays alone are challenging. However, during COVID I realized I could do it. I bought myself my favourite treats and watched movies and cuddled with my dog and stopped myself from ruminating on past picture postcard family holidays. You give some really good tips here, so thank you. After all, it’s just another day so we have to accept our new normal and not get caught up in the insane commercialization and marketing of it. And definitely stay off social media and anything viewing that has commercials!
I totally agree. It comes back to comparison, which we talked about a while back. When we start comparing this year to our holidays in the past or to what it seems everyone else is doing, it's upsetting. If we just focus on making a good day for ourselves, we'll be find.
I'm in a recovery program, which I lean on very heavily especially during the holidays. I'm able to call or text someone just to reach out. I'm always relieved though on January 2nd.
Sending love and light this holiday season!
It’s been 9 years since I was partnered thru the holidays, and yes it’s still so very odd.
Most of the odd happens when I remember what I dreamed it would be when I was this old.
As I’m able to let go of those old dreams, I can accept peacefully what is here, a day to give thanks for what I still have.
I so appreciate you sharing your experience and advice, Sue. Thank you!
Last Christmas I was newly widowed and newly 55. My son lives four hours away and spends Christmas day at his home with his wife. I suggested to my mother (also widowed) that we travel because it was going to be a rough holiday no matter what, so let's try something new. She chose to spend the holiday in a cabin in a state park. It was one of the worst ideas that we ever had. Nothing like sitting in a dark cabin in the woods with no one around to make you miserable. We decided to drive 3 hours back home on Christmas morning. It was such a relief to be home!
So this year, we've decided to spend the day at home in our pajamas, watching tv and reading books. My husband was like yours, he LOVED Christmas, so the day will still be difficult, but I'm going to lean into the Norwegian idea of hygge.
I think being willing to pivot is essential when you're trying to learn how to find a new way through this life. That's why I so appreciate hearing your thoughts on your journey. Thank you again <3
Thank you, Tammy. As I try to make reservations for next week and keep getting dire reports about the weather I'll need to drive through, your staying home in your pjs plan sounds better and better.
I am decorating, but not much. As a solo person I am spending turkey day with beloved friends, but not long. Much of my day will involve work, because right now I have to. Everyone else is having their own meltdowns about having to be with family who voted "wrong," or otherwise committed some offense. There is NOTHING EASY about the holidays. Frankly, Sue, I for one am tired of the false sales job that pitches all those happy people around a big table. In a world full of singles, that's no longer reality. What we make of an oversold holiday is what's real. Above all, I am so damned lucky to have a roof, food, transportation, a dog, and neighbors who just texted me to have turkey day with them, but I am already committed. It's what we make of it. I am fully aware that those of us who are widowed and whose families did indeed have big celebrations, it is a very difficult time. Holidays for me have largely been solo, and I have largely just worked. They are just another day. Perhaps that's a loss but in other ways, it's really not. I truly hear you, and I wish you the best of all experiences.
Thank you, Julia. You have nailed it. I'm tired of the happy-family fantasy being imposed on us. For so many, it's not like that at all. Except for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I usually work through the holidays, too. I'm most comfortable at my desk or at the piano. May your days go well.