We can be childless cat ladies or dog moms if we want to

J.D. Vance's statement is all kind of wrong

We have heard an awful lot about childless cat ladies recently, thanks to Republican vice-presidential candidate J.D. Vance.  

In a 2021 interview with Fox News host Tucker Carlson, then-Senate-candidate Vance complained that the U.S. was being run by Democrats, corporate oligarchs and "a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too." 

Once Vance was nominated for VP, those words went viral all over again.  

I know he’s not literally talking about cats so much as that he thinks all women should live traditional lives as wives, mothers and grandmothers. He’s not leaving any room for those of us whose lives have taken different paths, by chance or by choice. Or for women who are kicking butt at their jobs.

There’s so much untruth in his statement. Whether or not we chose to be alone, we are not necessarily miserable. Lots of women on their own wouldn’t live any other way. For most of us, it’s a back-and-forth thing, good days and bad. But it has nothing to do with cats.  

Cats are swell. Although I prefer dogs, I have owned and loved cats and will cuddle your cat, if he lets me, until my eyes start to burn and my nose starts to run.

The “childless cat lady” trope goes back centuries. Cats have been associated with witchcraft and pagan deities, as well as single women with no one to talk to but their cats. You’ve probably heard people suggest that when the old lady dies alone and unseen in her home, her cats will get hungry and feed on her body.  

That probably won’t happen.  

I have a friend who has about a dozen cats, but she’s not childless, and she doesn't live alone. She has a house full of family. When I visit, we meet outside because that many cats will set off my allergies big-time. 

I do have single friends with cats. They’re not crazy. They enjoy the companionship. Cats are easier to care for because they’re don’t usually require as much attention as our “Velcro” dogs who want to be with us every.freaking.minute. 

Dogs are more eager to snuggle. With their big teeth and loud barking, they also offer some protection for people living alone. Besides, you can’t really take a cat for a walk. 

Since I announced online last week that I might be in the market for a new dog, I have been bombarded by people who say I should get another pup right away. They insist the love and companionship will outweigh any inconvenience the dog might cause. When I say I’m not sure I’m ready, they say I will be ready when I meet the right dog. I just have to get out there and look. 

Reminds me of folks urging their single friends to “get out there” and start dating. 

It also makes me think about how parents tell young people who express reservations about having children that the minute they hold their baby in their arms all doubts will go away.  

You know what? That perfect ending is never one hundred percent true. If you continued the fairy tale past happily ever after, you’d learn that Prince Charming snores, and Cinderella’s glass slippers hurt like hell. The baby cries, the cat scratches the furniture, and the dog sheds its fur on everything. You love them anyway, but it’s never perfect.  

The rose-colored glasses I wore back in the ‘70s (for real) have long ago disappeared. 

Back to cats. According to the Pew Research Center, more people own dogs than cats, and overall, more families than single people own pets at all. I think that might be because more singles live in apartments or other places where pets aren’t allowed.  

So, Vance’s statement is all kinds of wrong. 

The assumption is that women who don’t have husbands or children will have cats. They will obsess about their cats as baby substitutes and let them run wild in the house. Maybe. People who own tiny dogs do the same thing. So what if it makes them happy? In the end, Vance is implying that only one way of life is valid for women: stay-at-home wife, mother, and grandmother supporting their big strong men who rule the world.  

Nope, nope, nope. 

Back to me and the dog. As a way to ease back into pet ownership, I downloaded an application to foster pets from the animal shelter. Will I do that? I’m not sure. Will I fall in love with the next dog I see at Adopt a Pet? I might. I’m full of indecision, like a 72-year-old teenager, but as an adult, I also know it’s okay to wait until I’m ready. That could be today, next month, next year, or never. I know all about the love of dogs and cats. I soak in as much as I can get wherever I go.

 Meanwhile, J.D. Vance, some women are alone and okay with that. Some women are not mothers, and that’s fine, too. It’s their business.  BTW, what about childless men? Why aren’t you dissing them?

Dear readers, thank you for the love and support you have offered here. I am truly overwhelmed, and yes, I hear you all. There’s a good chance I’ll be signing this year’s Christmas cards with my name and my new dog’s name.  

I welcome your comments.  

Further reading: 

The history behind JD Vance’s 'childless cat ladies' comment : NPR 

Majority of Americans think of their pets as family members | Pew Research Center 

Ask the experts: ‘Childless cat ladies’ – how many are there? | MSUToday | Michigan State University

Photo by Fernando Jorge on Unsplash

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How did I end up alone? I didn’t have any kids. After my husband and I retired to the Oregon coast, far from family, he died of Alzheimer’s. You can read our story in my new memoir, No Way Out of This: Loving a Partner with Alzheimer’s, available now at your favorite bookseller. Visit https://www.suelick.com for information on all of my books.

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Sept. 16-22 is World Childless Week. Activities, all online and free, include speakers, panels, webinars, and testimony by hundreds of non-parents. Check the schedule and register for the events you want to attend live or view later.

I’ll be joining the Childless Elderwomen panel on Thursday, Sept. 19 at noon PDT to talk about friendships between parents and nonparents. Have you ever lost a friend when they had a baby or became obsessed with their grandchildren? Me too. Register here for our chat. It will be recorded, so you can still watch it if you can’t make it to the live session.