I have to pay extra to have everything delivered, set up and assembled. What a pain! I admire you for trying… As for when to get rid of thing, I’m the end of my family line, but that doesn’t seem to help…
I find getting rid of my childhood and lifelong photos the hardest. I'm not ready to burn them. No one else in the world would want them, but I'd rather dispose of them myself. Just now though it feels as if I never existed if I get rid of them....
I'm not tech savvy and who knows what would happen to them once online, but if only there was a place where we could put a few select ones as a gallery to our existence! Well, at least we can share our thoughts here. xo
I once read to take photos of the cherished item that you are saving only as it is a reminder. E.G. I had my grandmother's old broken suitcase (the heavy plastic kind from 60 years ago). I'd lugged it around for decades, storing it away but never using it. Finally I took photos of it and donated it. I don't miss it really as my memories of her are in my head not that suitcase.
Did the same recently with my many travel books. They meant the world to me as that was my big life achievement in my opinion. Also proof as I come from a gaslighting family who always disbelieved anything good I did. I lined the books up, took a photo and donated them. One man walking by saw and asked for my Egypt book. He said he always wanted to go but would never make it (he was old like me). I gladly gave it to him to enjoy. I also gave myself credit (for once) for saving my money instead of going out and figuring out how to travel, even if I failed at many other things in life.
TMI! But photos helped me get rid of things I never touched but only kept for memories.
I have alot of stuff. I'm 67 and childless. So no one really wants the things I have that were sentimental to me. I did a great job downsizing furniture, but it's the rest of the "stuff" that I now must work on. I offered family china, crystal, and silver to my nieces/nephew and they picked what they wanted, but truely they did not want much. The younger generation has a different mind-set and taste. My goal is to get rid of things that I have not used in over a year. When I do get rid of things, I really feel lighter. It is a good feeling to live a little lighter in the world. The pictures will be difficult, but I will cull them to a manageable size - like an editor would.
My hairdresser has a three year old. The perfect age to pass along my granddaughter’s “when visiting Mimi and Poppi toys.” That granddaughter is 14 now. She told me it was okay to give them to little Quinn. She’d rather ride my e-bike now! She
I did the Marie Kondo method when I moved from my house to a condo. I learned from selling my mother’s house that there are only a few passed down things anyone wants. I sold some things on Facebook and donated other things. It feels good to know that others might use a thing I no longer want. Imagine how much lighter you ‘ll feel with more space in your home with less need to buy more storage units/bookshelves.
I have moved to a smaller house, then back to a bigger house, and now a slightly smaller one- that has small closets and no pantry. Ugh! As far as clothing goes, when all the hangers are full- nothing new comes in unless something else goes out. I had to do the same with books (painful!), but I have a new scheme to talk my hubs into creating some built-in shelves in the one room that has the space (once I rearrange the furniture again). I've had trouble getting rid of family mementos too, but I've had some success by donating (my daughter doesn't want the stuff) some items from a collection, but not the whole collection. It was hard but I haven't missed them. Do you happen to have photos of your husband at his desk? Sitting in that living room? Maybe framing a few of those for the walls would help you feel like you haven't erased his presence? Just an idea. Best wishes!
Sue, I have assembled a lot of stuff! I also have done a bunch of other home repair and maintenance on my own. Having a Dad who was a Contractor, and only had daughters, was a great way to learn. Alas, recent health issues will definitely mean more help will be required in the future.
Getting rid of stuff is hard. I had to clear out my son's home when he died. It was brutal. But stuff is just stuff. The memories are what we need to hold on to.
I toss out everything although I do have some regrets. And I can barely use a screw driver so I can't get anything that has to be assembled. I like the words "no assimbly necessary".
Look for a local buy nothing or free cycle group. It's easier to wait for someone who asks for something you have than to post and offer to give it away but you can do both and it always feels good if you can give something directly to a person who can use it.
This is a huge problem for everyone, we buy so much stuff. I am learning to let go of the items in my house but it takes a lot of energy & will power. My Dad died 2 years ago, he lived in a 4 bedroom house & also had a workshop full of tools etc. There was stuff everywhere. It took months to clear the house. It made me realise that we don't let go of clothing, books, items that no longer work sooner enough. If I bring something into my house another two items has to leave. I still have some way to go to how I want to live but I can see progress. Each day find 1 item to leave your home no matter how big or small.
It's very hard to let go of my mom and my aunt's things, more so because most of it has already been given away. There's still enough to make a couple closets look and feel heavy and disheveled. I don't have any of my dad's belongings, not that I loved him less, and truly I don't miss not having anything. Some of it is guilt related to letting it go, and also, is there some secret in their belongings that will unlock the key to myself that would help me be better, and sad, their stuff has some part of them in it, I feel it. And yet, the pleasure of a freed up and clean space. Someone just this morning told me about holding a deceased loved one's object, putting a hand on one's heart, and saying "you are here in my heart, not in this jacket (or whatever it is". I may try that. It's a push me pull me. As far as putting things together, i don't do much, impressed that you are able and determined. Overall for me it's time to dismantle and give away more and more. Have had a kick out of selling some stuff on Facebook marketplace, it's a joy when someone seems so delighted to get some little thing that they need/want. Thanks for the great writing Sue.
I still have two bookcases to build. And I am tired of having to put things together. I moved cross country, so I don't have an issue with how things were. But I still have things to be unpacked three years after the move. If it is an item with memories that I need to get rid of, I take a pictre if it and let it go.
Since instructions for assembling/using anything are so bad these days, I try to find the item in a consignment shop first! Funny how it works, but it seems as if I put the intention of what I need out there, it shows up, maybe not right away. I've found everything from bookshelves to a like new KitchenAid stand mixer that way. Then if it needs to be delivered, the moving guy can set it up as necessary (most consignment shops have lists of local movers). I also keep bags of gourmet popcorn in my pantry, to give to the delivery guy along with a cash tip. They really appreciate snacks and are usually glad to help. As to letting go, I try to focus on being practical. That tote bag of antique silver serving pieces my mother gave me is not doing any good sitting in my pantry, but the antique shop that lost all its inventory in the hurricane floods has reopened and could sell them. The pink cashmere sweater my late husband gave me for a birthday hasn't been worn in years, and could bring in a little cash for the animals at the humane society thrift store, plus keep someone warm. I like to think of someone else enjoying/needing/using the item. As to plaques and other personal memorabilia, a photo of it will suffice to preserve the memory. It's hard but reducing the clutter is always worth the effort.
So enjoy reading your columns and comments ,when my husband died. It was like I had to move into my house all over again ,eight years later and I am just now getting it figured out. I do agree taking pictures of things and then getting rid of them works wonders. You should get rid of things now because someone else will just trash them .If you ever go to an estate sale it is amazing. You see the things people have kept forever and wonder why! if you ever had to move, would you take these things with you? probably not. take pictures and have a big bonfire.you are not alone
I have to pay extra to have everything delivered, set up and assembled. What a pain! I admire you for trying… As for when to get rid of thing, I’m the end of my family line, but that doesn’t seem to help…
I find getting rid of my childhood and lifelong photos the hardest. I'm not ready to burn them. No one else in the world would want them, but I'd rather dispose of them myself. Just now though it feels as if I never existed if I get rid of them....
I know the feeling. I can't dispose of those things while I still want to enjoy them. But someday . . .
Photos are the hardest for me, even when I know there is no one else who would ever look at them.
I'm not tech savvy and who knows what would happen to them once online, but if only there was a place where we could put a few select ones as a gallery to our existence! Well, at least we can share our thoughts here. xo
I once read to take photos of the cherished item that you are saving only as it is a reminder. E.G. I had my grandmother's old broken suitcase (the heavy plastic kind from 60 years ago). I'd lugged it around for decades, storing it away but never using it. Finally I took photos of it and donated it. I don't miss it really as my memories of her are in my head not that suitcase.
Did the same recently with my many travel books. They meant the world to me as that was my big life achievement in my opinion. Also proof as I come from a gaslighting family who always disbelieved anything good I did. I lined the books up, took a photo and donated them. One man walking by saw and asked for my Egypt book. He said he always wanted to go but would never make it (he was old like me). I gladly gave it to him to enjoy. I also gave myself credit (for once) for saving my money instead of going out and figuring out how to travel, even if I failed at many other things in life.
TMI! But photos helped me get rid of things I never touched but only kept for memories.
I have alot of stuff. I'm 67 and childless. So no one really wants the things I have that were sentimental to me. I did a great job downsizing furniture, but it's the rest of the "stuff" that I now must work on. I offered family china, crystal, and silver to my nieces/nephew and they picked what they wanted, but truely they did not want much. The younger generation has a different mind-set and taste. My goal is to get rid of things that I have not used in over a year. When I do get rid of things, I really feel lighter. It is a good feeling to live a little lighter in the world. The pictures will be difficult, but I will cull them to a manageable size - like an editor would.
My hairdresser has a three year old. The perfect age to pass along my granddaughter’s “when visiting Mimi and Poppi toys.” That granddaughter is 14 now. She told me it was okay to give them to little Quinn. She’d rather ride my e-bike now! She
I did the Marie Kondo method when I moved from my house to a condo. I learned from selling my mother’s house that there are only a few passed down things anyone wants. I sold some things on Facebook and donated other things. It feels good to know that others might use a thing I no longer want. Imagine how much lighter you ‘ll feel with more space in your home with less need to buy more storage units/bookshelves.
I have moved to a smaller house, then back to a bigger house, and now a slightly smaller one- that has small closets and no pantry. Ugh! As far as clothing goes, when all the hangers are full- nothing new comes in unless something else goes out. I had to do the same with books (painful!), but I have a new scheme to talk my hubs into creating some built-in shelves in the one room that has the space (once I rearrange the furniture again). I've had trouble getting rid of family mementos too, but I've had some success by donating (my daughter doesn't want the stuff) some items from a collection, but not the whole collection. It was hard but I haven't missed them. Do you happen to have photos of your husband at his desk? Sitting in that living room? Maybe framing a few of those for the walls would help you feel like you haven't erased his presence? Just an idea. Best wishes!
Sue, I have assembled a lot of stuff! I also have done a bunch of other home repair and maintenance on my own. Having a Dad who was a Contractor, and only had daughters, was a great way to learn. Alas, recent health issues will definitely mean more help will be required in the future.
Getting rid of stuff is hard. I had to clear out my son's home when he died. It was brutal. But stuff is just stuff. The memories are what we need to hold on to.
I toss out everything although I do have some regrets. And I can barely use a screw driver so I can't get anything that has to be assembled. I like the words "no assimbly necessary".
Look for a local buy nothing or free cycle group. It's easier to wait for someone who asks for something you have than to post and offer to give it away but you can do both and it always feels good if you can give something directly to a person who can use it.
This is a huge problem for everyone, we buy so much stuff. I am learning to let go of the items in my house but it takes a lot of energy & will power. My Dad died 2 years ago, he lived in a 4 bedroom house & also had a workshop full of tools etc. There was stuff everywhere. It took months to clear the house. It made me realise that we don't let go of clothing, books, items that no longer work sooner enough. If I bring something into my house another two items has to leave. I still have some way to go to how I want to live but I can see progress. Each day find 1 item to leave your home no matter how big or small.
Great suggestion
It's very hard to let go of my mom and my aunt's things, more so because most of it has already been given away. There's still enough to make a couple closets look and feel heavy and disheveled. I don't have any of my dad's belongings, not that I loved him less, and truly I don't miss not having anything. Some of it is guilt related to letting it go, and also, is there some secret in their belongings that will unlock the key to myself that would help me be better, and sad, their stuff has some part of them in it, I feel it. And yet, the pleasure of a freed up and clean space. Someone just this morning told me about holding a deceased loved one's object, putting a hand on one's heart, and saying "you are here in my heart, not in this jacket (or whatever it is". I may try that. It's a push me pull me. As far as putting things together, i don't do much, impressed that you are able and determined. Overall for me it's time to dismantle and give away more and more. Have had a kick out of selling some stuff on Facebook marketplace, it's a joy when someone seems so delighted to get some little thing that they need/want. Thanks for the great writing Sue.
Thank you, Susan. Maybe I need a little ceremony for giving things up. It's definitely not easy, but I do like a clean, uncluttered space.
Save something if his if you loved him save it not all of it just something
I still have two bookcases to build. And I am tired of having to put things together. I moved cross country, so I don't have an issue with how things were. But I still have things to be unpacked three years after the move. If it is an item with memories that I need to get rid of, I take a pictre if it and let it go.
As an English major, I know that I need to donate books so that I can cherish the ones I love. One step at a time.
Since instructions for assembling/using anything are so bad these days, I try to find the item in a consignment shop first! Funny how it works, but it seems as if I put the intention of what I need out there, it shows up, maybe not right away. I've found everything from bookshelves to a like new KitchenAid stand mixer that way. Then if it needs to be delivered, the moving guy can set it up as necessary (most consignment shops have lists of local movers). I also keep bags of gourmet popcorn in my pantry, to give to the delivery guy along with a cash tip. They really appreciate snacks and are usually glad to help. As to letting go, I try to focus on being practical. That tote bag of antique silver serving pieces my mother gave me is not doing any good sitting in my pantry, but the antique shop that lost all its inventory in the hurricane floods has reopened and could sell them. The pink cashmere sweater my late husband gave me for a birthday hasn't been worn in years, and could bring in a little cash for the animals at the humane society thrift store, plus keep someone warm. I like to think of someone else enjoying/needing/using the item. As to plaques and other personal memorabilia, a photo of it will suffice to preserve the memory. It's hard but reducing the clutter is always worth the effort.
So enjoy reading your columns and comments ,when my husband died. It was like I had to move into my house all over again ,eight years later and I am just now getting it figured out. I do agree taking pictures of things and then getting rid of them works wonders. You should get rid of things now because someone else will just trash them .If you ever go to an estate sale it is amazing. You see the things people have kept forever and wonder why! if you ever had to move, would you take these things with you? probably not. take pictures and have a big bonfire.you are not alone