I'm so sorry that you had a really bad morning. You did the right thing though, spoiling yourself a little and taking the small comforts.
I had many of these when my husband died a little over a year ago. I learned to force myself to move. I didn't want to, but after I finally got out of bed, I felt better. Then I forced myself into the shower and felt better. Getting ready and getting out of the house was very hard, but it always helped. The next time I didn't want to get up, I would try to remember how much it helped last time to get up and get moving.
Thank you for being honest. Finding small comforts and focusing on little tasks can help me get through the day, but my dog makes all the difference. And the fact that I can do what I want when I want is a benefit and I continually pour into my friends to strengthen those relationships.
I’m grateful you honestly share how you’re feeling. I think there are a lot of us struggling, even during “good times”, but particularly these days. I, too, appreciate the importance of a good mug, a pretty plate, an engaging book, and, yes, some indulgent binge watching. I hope that writing about and sharing your truth nourishes you as much as it does your readers. Although we may not know each other, recognizing myself in your post helps to keep alone from feeling lonely. Thank you.
I just got a text from my bff that she slipped on ice in the frigid weather in upstate NY and broke her wrist. She’s a widow, and although her daughter lives about 20 minutes away, she thought about getting to the ER alone. Fortunately, her dead husband’s best friend happened to drive by as she at in the snow crying and clutching her arm. I wish she was near me so I could help. The lovely man got her to the ER and I’m sure he will get her home but now I’m worried that she won’t tell her daughter and let herself be fussed over. Aging ain’t for sissies, as my ex-convict former secretary used to say (he would know, since he aged in a prison for 30 years).
Oh gosh, yes. I have days like that too. Our sweet Frenchie died a month ago, and I have been having a hard time. I have a lot to be enthused about right now, but I'm just not. I'll get there...
I'm sorry you had such a terrifying leg cramp and that slip on your icy deck. Yikes. I had to laugh at your response, or rather to the thought you had, after your hairdresser's comment. It's so true that nobody can see what's really going on inside us unless we tell them. And most of us have become quite adept at masking our true feelings. It's hard being vulnerable and allowing others in.
I agree, we need to grab the small comforts. For me those include reading, enjoying a cup of coffee, watching Netflix (definitely not the news), doing nothing at all without an ounce of guilt, and writing. Yes, there is always writing.
I'll have to check out your memoir soon. I've written one too. Memoir is my favorite genre. Thanks for the post.
Thank you, Nancy. I do have to say another comfort is the wonderful way it feels when the hairdresser washes my hair and massages my scalp. Ummmm. Writing is a great way to make yourself feel better. I'd like to read your memoir, too. Can I buy it online?
Loved your post. It's a good reminder to take it easy right now.
I've been having a lot more days where I don't want to deal with anything this past month. Whether on my phone or watching TV or YouTube, I can't escape the chaos. My initial reaction is to curl up into the fetal position and retreat into my head, but that didn't help me last time. I try to keep myself preoccupied--make a to do list, stick to it, read a book or play a video game. And I have my writing, which always helps.
Last night, I dreamed about my 90+ father, alone in his home and failing to manage his life any longer. Some caregiver was telling me, “YOU can be the elder care home he needs! YOU can be his caregiver!” And I recoiled in horror at the prospect.
Then I awoke and remembered that Dad had passed away in his board & care home nearly 10 years ago, and I was projecting that same demise for myself in a dream. I’m only 70 and still in pretty good health and ability, but am already haunted by worry about my eventual decline. My father’s final sad and dementia-ridden years traumatized me.
As Scarlett O’Hara always counseled herself, “I can’t think about that now. If I do, I’ll go mad. I’ll think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day!”
Esme, this brings back painful memories of caring for my own father at his home and then in the nursing home. It brought us closer, but it was awful in so many ways. I'm about to turn 73, and I am haunted by the same worries. All we can do is prepare as well as we can and focus on today.
'...I cooked bacon and eggs for breakfast and served them on my vintage ruby glass plate. I drank my Earl Grey tea from my pink Cheryl Strayed mug. Small comforts.'
Comfort is SO valuable. I wrote a post a while back about how the word comfort is 'com' meaning together and 'fort' meaning strength. Comforts, no matter how small, are where we strengthen ourselves so we can keep going in this wonderful, terrible world.
Sue, thank you for the reminder of how important comfort is. I've been struggling today. I think I need some comfort! I'm going to curl up with some knitting and a hot drink under a blanket, with a comforting TV show for a bit. I need some fortification before I can keep on keeping on!
Thank you for sharing, it’s relatable and I like deep chats over wishy washy surface level ones. The small things really do help, I hope to see a picture of this breakie set up next time it’s brought out. I take so much joy from a decent breakfast on nice places or with a special mug. 💚
I love that you think and comment so fondly about Fred.
I know that putting stuff off is a possibility but usually you end up having to do it anyway. What I am amazed about is your ongoing commitment to your writing. Is it something that you feel driven to do? Just want to let you know that I am always eager to see what you have on your mind, and it gives me pleasure to read what you are thinking about even if it is about your bad times, so thank you.
Thank you, Carolyn. I am driven to write. Always have been. You knew Fred. You knew how great he was, so you can appreciate memories of him more than most people.
"My tears were my prayer, along with a few mumbled pleas for me, my loved ones, and our messed-up world."
Dear Sue, this really moved me this morning. I had to pray for you as well, that God will continue to bless you with your insights.
I cannot imagine how I would feel in your situation, in a country with a democracy emploding before your eyes. I'm in the UK and the continous coverage of this is concerning...
Thank you, Shaz. It feels like we're in a war with a new bomb hitting something precious every day. Your prayers are welcome. I feel much better today.
Hi Sue,
I'm so sorry that you had a really bad morning. You did the right thing though, spoiling yourself a little and taking the small comforts.
I had many of these when my husband died a little over a year ago. I learned to force myself to move. I didn't want to, but after I finally got out of bed, I felt better. Then I forced myself into the shower and felt better. Getting ready and getting out of the house was very hard, but it always helped. The next time I didn't want to get up, I would try to remember how much it helped last time to get up and get moving.
Here's hoping tomorrow will be easier for you <3
“felt the loss of him again” that’s the real bitch of it, innit? This all reminded me of the Bill Withers lyric from Lean on Me.
“For no one can fill
Those of your needs that you won't let show”
Also the bitch of it. ❤️
Just don't stay in your own head; that's a bad neighborhood!
Yes! I like that saying.
Thank you for being honest. Finding small comforts and focusing on little tasks can help me get through the day, but my dog makes all the difference. And the fact that I can do what I want when I want is a benefit and I continually pour into my friends to strengthen those relationships.
I’m grateful you honestly share how you’re feeling. I think there are a lot of us struggling, even during “good times”, but particularly these days. I, too, appreciate the importance of a good mug, a pretty plate, an engaging book, and, yes, some indulgent binge watching. I hope that writing about and sharing your truth nourishes you as much as it does your readers. Although we may not know each other, recognizing myself in your post helps to keep alone from feeling lonely. Thank you.
Thank you, Loretta. It really does help me a lot.
Thank you so much for this.
I just got a text from my bff that she slipped on ice in the frigid weather in upstate NY and broke her wrist. She’s a widow, and although her daughter lives about 20 minutes away, she thought about getting to the ER alone. Fortunately, her dead husband’s best friend happened to drive by as she at in the snow crying and clutching her arm. I wish she was near me so I could help. The lovely man got her to the ER and I’m sure he will get her home but now I’m worried that she won’t tell her daughter and let herself be fussed over. Aging ain’t for sissies, as my ex-convict former secretary used to say (he would know, since he aged in a prison for 30 years).
Wow. Thank God the friend showed up. Aging is not for sissies.
Hi Sue,
Oh gosh, yes. I have days like that too. Our sweet Frenchie died a month ago, and I have been having a hard time. I have a lot to be enthused about right now, but I'm just not. I'll get there...
I'm sorry you had such a terrifying leg cramp and that slip on your icy deck. Yikes. I had to laugh at your response, or rather to the thought you had, after your hairdresser's comment. It's so true that nobody can see what's really going on inside us unless we tell them. And most of us have become quite adept at masking our true feelings. It's hard being vulnerable and allowing others in.
I agree, we need to grab the small comforts. For me those include reading, enjoying a cup of coffee, watching Netflix (definitely not the news), doing nothing at all without an ounce of guilt, and writing. Yes, there is always writing.
I'll have to check out your memoir soon. I've written one too. Memoir is my favorite genre. Thanks for the post.
Thank you, Nancy. I do have to say another comfort is the wonderful way it feels when the hairdresser washes my hair and massages my scalp. Ummmm. Writing is a great way to make yourself feel better. I'd like to read your memoir, too. Can I buy it online?
This touched me deeply. Reading with tears in my eyes. Appreciating your honesty Sue 💙
Loved your post. It's a good reminder to take it easy right now.
I've been having a lot more days where I don't want to deal with anything this past month. Whether on my phone or watching TV or YouTube, I can't escape the chaos. My initial reaction is to curl up into the fetal position and retreat into my head, but that didn't help me last time. I try to keep myself preoccupied--make a to do list, stick to it, read a book or play a video game. And I have my writing, which always helps.
Thank you, Lily.
Last night, I dreamed about my 90+ father, alone in his home and failing to manage his life any longer. Some caregiver was telling me, “YOU can be the elder care home he needs! YOU can be his caregiver!” And I recoiled in horror at the prospect.
Then I awoke and remembered that Dad had passed away in his board & care home nearly 10 years ago, and I was projecting that same demise for myself in a dream. I’m only 70 and still in pretty good health and ability, but am already haunted by worry about my eventual decline. My father’s final sad and dementia-ridden years traumatized me.
As Scarlett O’Hara always counseled herself, “I can’t think about that now. If I do, I’ll go mad. I’ll think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day!”
Esme, this brings back painful memories of caring for my own father at his home and then in the nursing home. It brought us closer, but it was awful in so many ways. I'm about to turn 73, and I am haunted by the same worries. All we can do is prepare as well as we can and focus on today.
I shared this in commiseration, believing I was not the only one … We shall hold each other up. Thank you for writing so authentically.
'...I cooked bacon and eggs for breakfast and served them on my vintage ruby glass plate. I drank my Earl Grey tea from my pink Cheryl Strayed mug. Small comforts.'
Comfort is SO valuable. I wrote a post a while back about how the word comfort is 'com' meaning together and 'fort' meaning strength. Comforts, no matter how small, are where we strengthen ourselves so we can keep going in this wonderful, terrible world.
I love the idea of com and fort as coming together and strength. Thank you for that.
Sue, thank you for the reminder of how important comfort is. I've been struggling today. I think I need some comfort! I'm going to curl up with some knitting and a hot drink under a blanket, with a comforting TV show for a bit. I need some fortification before I can keep on keeping on!
Thank you for sharing, it’s relatable and I like deep chats over wishy washy surface level ones. The small things really do help, I hope to see a picture of this breakie set up next time it’s brought out. I take so much joy from a decent breakfast on nice places or with a special mug. 💚
Same! I love seeing pictures of (as well as reading about) comforting home things.
Yey! Me too. It’s really them small things that make life great ☺️💕
I love that you think and comment so fondly about Fred.
I know that putting stuff off is a possibility but usually you end up having to do it anyway. What I am amazed about is your ongoing commitment to your writing. Is it something that you feel driven to do? Just want to let you know that I am always eager to see what you have on your mind, and it gives me pleasure to read what you are thinking about even if it is about your bad times, so thank you.
Thank you, Carolyn. I am driven to write. Always have been. You knew Fred. You knew how great he was, so you can appreciate memories of him more than most people.
"My tears were my prayer, along with a few mumbled pleas for me, my loved ones, and our messed-up world."
Dear Sue, this really moved me this morning. I had to pray for you as well, that God will continue to bless you with your insights.
I cannot imagine how I would feel in your situation, in a country with a democracy emploding before your eyes. I'm in the UK and the continous coverage of this is concerning...
Thank you, Shaz. It feels like we're in a war with a new bomb hitting something precious every day. Your prayers are welcome. I feel much better today.
One foot in front of the other …