When You Eat Too Much or Too Little Alone

No one is watching, so, why not?

I ate a whole large pizza last night. It was an Amy’s spinach pizza, a little smaller and healthier than what I might have gotten at Domino’s or Pizza Hut, but still.

I knew better, but I was in a mood. More to do than I could handle. Short on groceries. Tired of being cold. The hot tub died last week, and now the gas fireplace that heats my house has taken to squealing, which can’t be good.

I did not want to shop or cook. I wanted to be taken out to dinner or have someone cook for me. That was not going to happen, and I didn’t have the energy to clean myself up and take myself out. Have food delivered? Not an option out here.

So, I heated up the pizza in my freezer and put together a few stale vegetables for a salad topped with mayonnaise. Not my proudest culinary moment. Today, after my doctor’s appointment, I’m going to the store.

Some days I need a keeper, one who knows I am a compulsive overeater and makes sure I stop before I overdo it.

The pizza was good, cheesy on top, crunchy on the bottom. But half of it would have been enough.

The last time I overate, I vowed to live on healthy, low-calorie soups. I even gathered recipes to make some. That’s as far as I got.

Now I’m thinking I should join one of those food-kit programs that Facebook keeps showing me. Or move to a senior facility, nunnery, or other institution that provides meals.

What I really need to do is get a grip. It’s not easy when you’re as food-oriented as I am. Like most dogs, I have to eat it ALL.

Other people who live alone don’t eat enough. They can’t see the point of cooking for one, so they don’t. They refuse to eat leftovers. They don’t want to go out by themselves. They even forget to eat.

I don’t know how anyone can forget to eat. I’m obsessive about getting my three meals a day. But either way, we have no one around to nudge us, to say, “You have to eat” or “Half of that pizza is plenty” or “Relax. I’ll get dinner tonight.” Wouldn’t that be nice?

When my husband Fred was alive and well, he was always amenable to going out if I wasn’t in the mood to cook. I had to pick the restaurant, but he’d drive, deal with parking, and pay. Is that anti-feminist? Oh well.

One of the challenges of living alone is feeding yourself appropriately. We will talk about this in the next few posts, but today, let’s look at this problem of eating too much or too little.

It’s a joy to be able to eat whatever you want without worrying about anyone else’s needs. Health food pizza? Eggplant? Soup for dinner? Pie for breakfast? The same food three days in a row? Why not? But what’s to stop me from eating enough for two or three people?

I enjoy experimenting with recipes. When I made meatloaf the other day, I was lacking a key ingredient, so I substituted tomatoes. It’s not as good as usual, but it’s all right. It still makes great sandwiches.

Some days, I forget to act like a civilized person, like when I drink iced tea straight out of the pitcher, stand at the stove eating raviolis out of the pot, or start to cut off a small sliver of pizza then say, screw it, I’m going to eat it all.

And hate myself in the morning.

This post has become awfully confessional. It’s like I opened the skylight above my kitchen for you to watch me in my shameful moments. But that’s the thing. When you’re alone, no one sees you. With other people around, you might want the whole pizza, but you don’t eat it.

You could turn the story around and say the same things about alcohol. If a little makes you feel good, why not drink the whole bottle? But you would be less likely to do that if someone else was there.

Feeding our loneliness, grief, or boredom in inappropriate ways is easy to do when we’re alone.

How do you deal with food? When you’re alone, do you eat too much, not enough, or just the right amount? What advice do you have for others who are struggling with this?

For tonight’s dinner, I am defrosting two chicken breasts. I plan to buy some broccoli and salad ingredients at the store. No more pizza for a while.

Further reading

https://unleashedinoregon.com/2018/10/25/the-joy-of-eating-whatever-you-want/ “Alone in the Kitchen with an Eggplant”—I wrote this one a few years ago

Overeaters Anonymous

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/binge-eating-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353627

Overeating and Loneliness - The Foundation for Art & Healing

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You might want to take a look at last week’s post at the Childless by Marriage Blog. Did you know Russia has a new law making it a crime to speak favorably of a childfree life? Check it out at https://www.childlessbymarriageblog.com/ 2025/01/09/accepting-a-childless-life-should-not-be-a-crime/

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How did I end up alone? My first marriage ended in divorce. My second husband died of Alzheimer’s after we had moved to the Oregon coast, far from family. I never had any kids, only dogs. Now I live by myself in a big house in the woods. You can read our story in my new memoir, No Way Out of This: Loving a Partner with Alzheimer’s, available now at your favorite bookseller. Visit https://www.suelick.com for information on all of my books.