You're not as alone as you think you are

Post about emergency contacts yields results

Earlier this week I posted about how I didn’t have anyone to list as an emergency contact. Like many who live alone, I have no family nearby, so when I needed a ride home from the hospital at midnight, I didn't know who to call. Another time, when I felt a sharp pain in my chest, I drove myself to the hospital, which was incredibly foolish. 

A friend who lives in a larger city has called the Uber ride company more than once to take her to the emergency department, but the Uber driver does not go inside with you or hold your hand while the nurse is inserting the IV. They don’t tell you dumb jokes to distract you while you wait for test results  or for pain meds to kick in. 

Being alone definitely makes everything more difficult in an emergency. We will talk more about this in coming posts, but let’s look again at that elusive emergency contact. 

Because I put the word out there, I now have FIVE people I can call, people who have insisted if I need help, they will come running. Three are neighbors. One is a couple from church who read my post and say they are happy to do this for anyone who needs it. 

I should have known. My neighbors across the street, God bless them, have been helping me for years. When the hot tub cover blew off, when a tree fell on my house, when I needed help getting my sick dog into the car, they were here.

They also helped when my lips went numb and the advice nurse said DO NOT DRIVE YOURSELF TO THE HOSPITAL. She thought I might be having a stroke. It was only an allergic reaction, but the neighbors drove me. To be honest, I haven’t done that much for them, but I’m here if they need me. 

“Call me, me, me!” said the young woman who lives kitty-corner from me (with three cats). “We love you. Call us anytime for anything.”

A friend down the road apiece said I should call her. “I'll haul you to the ER or the morgue or whatever.” I know she will. And vice versa. 

The church friends are a welcome backup. I don’t know them well, but I want to, and it’s good to know they are available. 

No, I don’t have family here. I have fantasies of relatives showing up at my door, anxious to become part of my life, but that doesn’t seem likely. They have their own lives far away, and I have mine. They have their people, and I have mine.

My neighbors and church friends are my people. We don’t share family history or DNA, but we do share our lives. In many ways, the people we see all the time are more likely to help than family we might see on the holidays, if we’re lucky. 

The trick, I’m finding, is we have to ask. Have a conversation. Be honest about your needs. You could say: I live alone, and I worry about what will happen if I get sick or injured. Would you be willing to be my emergency contact if someone needs to get in touch? I can tell you how to reach my family and how to get inside the house if needed. Would you feed my dog (cat, gerbil, fish) and collect my mail if I’m in the hospital? Thank you so much. I’d be happy to do the same for you. 

Maybe bring them a plate of cookies or a basket of homemade muffins. Or a bottle of Cabernet—whatever it takes.

It’s hard asking for help. If we had people at home with us, we wouldn’t have to ask. It would be natural to expect our loved ones to respond in a pinch. But they don’t always jump in to help. I have heard tales of family members being too busy, too selfish, too whatever. 

We need someone who will say yes and mean it. We might be surprised to discover who would be happy to help us. 

It’s not easy to ask, but we must. 

I received lots of great comments after my last post. Your words kicked me into gear. I now have a bright pink card on my refrigerator listing my emergency contacts, along with my medications and medical allergies. I also installed an In Case of Emergency app on my Android phone that allows emergency responders to bypass the phone lock to read the essential information about me and whom to contact.

How about you? Have you got an emergency contact yet? 

Don’t put it off. You might need it today. 

Stay safe. 

Please share in the comments. Together, we can thrive in this alone life.  

---

How did I end up alone? I didn’t have any kids. After my husband and I retired to the Oregon coast, far from family, he died of Alzheimer’s. You can read our story in my forthcoming memoir, No Way Out of This: Loving a Partner with Alzheimer’s, coming out in June. Visit https://www.suelick.com for information on all of my books.