My grandmother always warned, “meglio che sta soli che male accompagnati.” It’s better to be alone than in bad company, meaning an unhappy relationship. After my divorce I moved to Minnesota and wondered about her advice. Come October I’d look at the snow piling up in front of the house and think, “well maybe getting married again isn’t such a bad idea.” But then I’d pay the kid next door to shovel and the thought would pass until the next winter. And every time it crossed my mind I’d think, “yeah but what would I do with him when he finished shoveling and came back inside. “ I imagined some man sitting in my living room. Waiting. Waiting for me to make dinner. Waiting for me to go to bed. Waiting for me to make coffee in the morning and as time marched on, waiting for me to take care of him as he got older and frailer. I know. I imagined the worst case scenario but that’s all too many women’s lives. And all too many men in my age group want exactly that. Five years ago I moved to a town house North Carolina where it doesn’t snow and the HOA mows the lawn and makes repairs. I don’t think about getting married again anymore. instead every winter I look out the window onto my sunny patio and think, grandma was right. Meglio che sta soli… at least for me it is.
Yes! I agree with all of this. We don't get much snow here, but I'd sure like a man to clean out my gutters. And then go home. Actually, I hired a crew and got the guys from the old movie "Deliverance," but they did the job.
I love this post. One thing I have noticed in my many years of singlehood is that I really love romance and deepening connection, but really don’t enjoy the meshing mundanity of long term relationship. I have therefore built my romantic life around that preference, and feel the better for it. Part of the issue I think that is we’re primed to see dating as a route to a long term partner, when it can be a beautiful experience in itself (assuming everyone is honest and on board). Romance is definitely a cure for loneliness in my world, but a boyfriend? Not so much. I know I’m not the ‘norm’ tho :)
I think you’re better off learning to face yourself than distracting yourself with another person. But then again, I’m an introvert, so I enjoy solitude. I didn’t enjoy my own company for a long time and that was incredibly painful so my heart goes out to anyone struggling with loneliness, but it feels awesome when you enjoy your own company and interests. Finding love is just the cherry on top!
So much gratitude, Sue, for reading and talking about my book! This totally made my day! From my experience, it is better to be alone than with the wrong person. But it took me a while to figure out that I needed to create a new self and deal with my own demons after losing my husband of 32 years (he was my high school sweetheart) before venturing out into the dating cesspool. Then I would have figured out sooner how wrong so many guys were! And how crucial it was to create an independent, self-sustainable kind of life.
I’ve tried the dating cesspool as Debbie Weiss calls it below. So disappointing. At this point. I’d love to have someone to cuddle, someone to dine with, or travel with, someone to celebrate joys with.. the sad times are okay alone.. it’s the celebration times where I miss having someone who knows me.
Friends are a better investment. Even in a small town, maybe someone wants to trade a pot pie/short story/knitted blanket for some manual labor? Might blossom into a book club/movie buddy? I think taking romance out of it makes it less daunting…there are lots of folks looking for companions.
My mother was widowed at age 52. I remember when one of Mom's co-workers wanted to introduce her to her brother. Mom agreed to meet Bob, but she told him up front, "All I want is companionship, a little hand-holding and going out to dinner or a movie." Bob agreed and that's how it was, plus a daily morning check-in phone call.
I definitely think it's better to be on one's own than being with the wrong company. Yes, it would be handy to have someone around for DIY and to help with domestic chores. Hotel Mum is definitely not on offer! My main concern would be about finding someone who accepts my disability (ME/chronic fatigue syndrome) and would be prepared to act as a carer and accept my slower pace and rhythm. Most men expect women to be the carer and domestic, so I know I might face an uphill struggle. I'm not pursuing anything at the moment. Let's see what unfolds.
Sue, Do not get disappointed so keep up searching a soulmate on dating sites. You will certainly find a good companion but you cannot avoid sex as he will desire it regularly. Good luck!!
I have 2 female relatives who, after being widowed, found new partners that they lived with longterm, but didn't marry. I think that if my husband goes first, I wouldn't remarry, but who knows. Never say never.
This topic also makes me think of Delia Ephron's book, LEFT ON TENTH, which explored remarriage in widowhood, finding an unexpected new partner at 72.
I like solitude and society both , and as my husband of 22 years has been a Covid ghost for four years now, and as I am vision impaired it is easier to write a book than figure out how to get to the pharmacy or the post office. Other than that he isnt able to drive me now, we're still married and his ghost gets very annoyed when men call me.
I'm sorry about your ghost. I too find it easier to write a book than to do almost anything out in the world, but if we never go out, what will we write about?
Thank you ~ I hear you, and Idk solitude when I am not working suits my ambitions , and I am just so grateful I have some... I sing at open mic though😂
My grandmother always warned, “meglio che sta soli che male accompagnati.” It’s better to be alone than in bad company, meaning an unhappy relationship. After my divorce I moved to Minnesota and wondered about her advice. Come October I’d look at the snow piling up in front of the house and think, “well maybe getting married again isn’t such a bad idea.” But then I’d pay the kid next door to shovel and the thought would pass until the next winter. And every time it crossed my mind I’d think, “yeah but what would I do with him when he finished shoveling and came back inside. “ I imagined some man sitting in my living room. Waiting. Waiting for me to make dinner. Waiting for me to go to bed. Waiting for me to make coffee in the morning and as time marched on, waiting for me to take care of him as he got older and frailer. I know. I imagined the worst case scenario but that’s all too many women’s lives. And all too many men in my age group want exactly that. Five years ago I moved to a town house North Carolina where it doesn’t snow and the HOA mows the lawn and makes repairs. I don’t think about getting married again anymore. instead every winter I look out the window onto my sunny patio and think, grandma was right. Meglio che sta soli… at least for me it is.
Yes! I agree with all of this. We don't get much snow here, but I'd sure like a man to clean out my gutters. And then go home. Actually, I hired a crew and got the guys from the old movie "Deliverance," but they did the job.
I love this post. One thing I have noticed in my many years of singlehood is that I really love romance and deepening connection, but really don’t enjoy the meshing mundanity of long term relationship. I have therefore built my romantic life around that preference, and feel the better for it. Part of the issue I think that is we’re primed to see dating as a route to a long term partner, when it can be a beautiful experience in itself (assuming everyone is honest and on board). Romance is definitely a cure for loneliness in my world, but a boyfriend? Not so much. I know I’m not the ‘norm’ tho :)
I think you’re better off learning to face yourself than distracting yourself with another person. But then again, I’m an introvert, so I enjoy solitude. I didn’t enjoy my own company for a long time and that was incredibly painful so my heart goes out to anyone struggling with loneliness, but it feels awesome when you enjoy your own company and interests. Finding love is just the cherry on top!
I love that, Jennifer.
Thanks for that and for your post, Sue!
So much gratitude, Sue, for reading and talking about my book! This totally made my day! From my experience, it is better to be alone than with the wrong person. But it took me a while to figure out that I needed to create a new self and deal with my own demons after losing my husband of 32 years (he was my high school sweetheart) before venturing out into the dating cesspool. Then I would have figured out sooner how wrong so many guys were! And how crucial it was to create an independent, self-sustainable kind of life.
My pleasure. I'm happy to plug another She Writes book. Your book is so wonderfully quotable!
Awww…thank you! That is so nice to hear.
I’ve tried the dating cesspool as Debbie Weiss calls it below. So disappointing. At this point. I’d love to have someone to cuddle, someone to dine with, or travel with, someone to celebrate joys with.. the sad times are okay alone.. it’s the celebration times where I miss having someone who knows me.
Love the idea of baskets of truffles and vibrators 😀
Friends are a better investment. Even in a small town, maybe someone wants to trade a pot pie/short story/knitted blanket for some manual labor? Might blossom into a book club/movie buddy? I think taking romance out of it makes it less daunting…there are lots of folks looking for companions.
My mother was widowed at age 52. I remember when one of Mom's co-workers wanted to introduce her to her brother. Mom agreed to meet Bob, but she told him up front, "All I want is companionship, a little hand-holding and going out to dinner or a movie." Bob agreed and that's how it was, plus a daily morning check-in phone call.
I definitely think it's better to be on one's own than being with the wrong company. Yes, it would be handy to have someone around for DIY and to help with domestic chores. Hotel Mum is definitely not on offer! My main concern would be about finding someone who accepts my disability (ME/chronic fatigue syndrome) and would be prepared to act as a carer and accept my slower pace and rhythm. Most men expect women to be the carer and domestic, so I know I might face an uphill struggle. I'm not pursuing anything at the moment. Let's see what unfolds.
Sue, Do not get disappointed so keep up searching a soulmate on dating sites. You will certainly find a good companion but you cannot avoid sex as he will desire it regularly. Good luck!!
A bad romance is worse than no romance.
Debbie Weiss's book looks good.
I have 2 female relatives who, after being widowed, found new partners that they lived with longterm, but didn't marry. I think that if my husband goes first, I wouldn't remarry, but who knows. Never say never.
This topic also makes me think of Delia Ephron's book, LEFT ON TENTH, which explored remarriage in widowhood, finding an unexpected new partner at 72.
That sounds like another book I need to read. Thanks.
I like solitude and society both , and as my husband of 22 years has been a Covid ghost for four years now, and as I am vision impaired it is easier to write a book than figure out how to get to the pharmacy or the post office. Other than that he isnt able to drive me now, we're still married and his ghost gets very annoyed when men call me.
I'm sorry about your ghost. I too find it easier to write a book than to do almost anything out in the world, but if we never go out, what will we write about?
Thank you ~ I hear you, and Idk solitude when I am not working suits my ambitions , and I am just so grateful I have some... I sing at open mic though😂