“so that when you are ready to be alone, you can tell him, “Go home.” And he would.” - this made me really chuckle.
I’m very outgoing and chatty, but interestingly I find it hard moving from a random chat to friendship. But I’ve been trying hard to be more forward in that way. Having a dog has helped! As I can use her as an excuse 😆
I’m very interested in reading this book! Thank you for sharing!
I'm a natural homebody and introverted as well. I'm usually quite sure that nobody is much interested in anything I might have to say and/or will think I'm a kook for trying to make small talk. I have never invited a minor acquaintance out. In the past I tried really hard to seem open and friendly, but nobody seemed to notice. I gave up. But recently I was asked out to lunch by a bookclub member and we've met now several times, right before we attend the monthly meeting. This is huge for me!
Hi Sue, I'm older and widowed . Also an introvert. Reaching out to people after my sudden loss was took a long time. I was in free fall for years. However I started by asking a friend if she wanted to go to concerts with me. Years later we are still going to concerts. We both have dogs. So there's a bit in common. And I think that's the key .... having something in common.
I have built on this over the years with neighbours and common interest groups where there's always someone to reach out to.
However I don't reach out to men. They always have an agenda and expectations, no matter how old they are. I'm sick of telling men not to touch me !! Heaven's sake ! ... I'm 73. The self entitlement is breathtaking!
Thank you as always for such a frank, insightful and warm piece Sue. Really enjoy reading your articles/stories/experiences/observations and can relate to so many of them. ❤️
I too live in a big house in the woods with my two dogs. My first marriege ended in divorce and my second husband passed from pancreatic cancer. I have many girlfriends who come and join me to knit or stitch or just chat...they are usually getting away from their husbands for a bit. I love my alone time and don't want to be a purse or nurse to another. I doubt I would ever be willing to ask a man to coffee or anything else. Too much of an introvert. At 81 I'm pretty fit, meet many people during classes I take and am pretty secure. I like myself and how I've evolved over the years and don't regret much.
Just chiming in to say I highly recommend open mics as a place to hang out and be with people, especially if you’re an introvert. If you want to make conversation, the topics are right there! The music, who just played, who’s up next, local gigs, etc. If you just want to be in a third space and not alone but not necessarily interact, well you’re there to listen to the music and you’re not expected to talk all the time. No one will think you’re weird and awkward if you just sit sit and enjoy. I’ve made a lot of friends by being a regular at an open mic (not performing, just listening), it’s a great low/no pressure reason to get out of the house and socialize. And it’s a way to support a local small bar or café. And the artists are happy to have an audience!
Yes, yes, yes, to all of it. Thank you, Nic. You do not have to be a performer to go to an open mic, music, poetry, comedy, whatever. Audiences are needed, and yes, you can focus on the stage.
Great topic about sitting alone yet, when courage or need overwhelms, we can remember to reach out. Me? Though 59, I still have uncomfortable memories of where and with whom to sit in the high school cafeteria. It was ALWAYS awkward. I hated every lunch period.
Sue, you are speaking directly to me - thank you! And I'm saying that as a married woman who lives with a (very nice) husband. There are still plenty of occasions where I could reach out more and invite someone to join me. Interestingly, my husband seems to have gotten better at this than me; he asks everyone their name and remembers stuff about them. Anyway, you've inspired me.
Yes I would but need to plan ahead and this Sunday, 3/9 I’m taking care of my Dad. But I’d love to plan on meeting you at an event someday. We have a lot in common.
Hi Sue, depending on my mood in these me-time respites, I'm either extrovert engaging or hermitting into my comfort zone. It helps that in both circumstances, I relish the good food and wine I don't get to do otherwise, so the enjoyment level is already above-norm and I don't feel obliged or pressured to do more. These days there are just some people I don't have the energy for. I've become more discerning. BUT the 'ol extrovert in me loves a good conversation and exchange of experience. (we need to organise a girls day with you and Jody. FYI I'm partway through your book xo)
“so that when you are ready to be alone, you can tell him, “Go home.” And he would.” - this made me really chuckle.
I’m very outgoing and chatty, but interestingly I find it hard moving from a random chat to friendship. But I’ve been trying hard to be more forward in that way. Having a dog has helped! As I can use her as an excuse 😆
I’m very interested in reading this book! Thank you for sharing!
I'm a natural homebody and introverted as well. I'm usually quite sure that nobody is much interested in anything I might have to say and/or will think I'm a kook for trying to make small talk. I have never invited a minor acquaintance out. In the past I tried really hard to seem open and friendly, but nobody seemed to notice. I gave up. But recently I was asked out to lunch by a bookclub member and we've met now several times, right before we attend the monthly meeting. This is huge for me!
Hi Sue, I'm older and widowed . Also an introvert. Reaching out to people after my sudden loss was took a long time. I was in free fall for years. However I started by asking a friend if she wanted to go to concerts with me. Years later we are still going to concerts. We both have dogs. So there's a bit in common. And I think that's the key .... having something in common.
I have built on this over the years with neighbours and common interest groups where there's always someone to reach out to.
However I don't reach out to men. They always have an agenda and expectations, no matter how old they are. I'm sick of telling men not to touch me !! Heaven's sake ! ... I'm 73. The self entitlement is breathtaking!
Thank you as always for such a frank, insightful and warm piece Sue. Really enjoy reading your articles/stories/experiences/observations and can relate to so many of them. ❤️
I too live in a big house in the woods with my two dogs. My first marriege ended in divorce and my second husband passed from pancreatic cancer. I have many girlfriends who come and join me to knit or stitch or just chat...they are usually getting away from their husbands for a bit. I love my alone time and don't want to be a purse or nurse to another. I doubt I would ever be willing to ask a man to coffee or anything else. Too much of an introvert. At 81 I'm pretty fit, meet many people during classes I take and am pretty secure. I like myself and how I've evolved over the years and don't regret much.
Hi Susan, like you, I was divorced and then widowed. The stitching and chatting sounds great. You're doing a good job. Keep it up.
Just chiming in to say I highly recommend open mics as a place to hang out and be with people, especially if you’re an introvert. If you want to make conversation, the topics are right there! The music, who just played, who’s up next, local gigs, etc. If you just want to be in a third space and not alone but not necessarily interact, well you’re there to listen to the music and you’re not expected to talk all the time. No one will think you’re weird and awkward if you just sit sit and enjoy. I’ve made a lot of friends by being a regular at an open mic (not performing, just listening), it’s a great low/no pressure reason to get out of the house and socialize. And it’s a way to support a local small bar or café. And the artists are happy to have an audience!
Yes, yes, yes, to all of it. Thank you, Nic. You do not have to be a performer to go to an open mic, music, poetry, comedy, whatever. Audiences are needed, and yes, you can focus on the stage.
Great topic about sitting alone yet, when courage or need overwhelms, we can remember to reach out. Me? Though 59, I still have uncomfortable memories of where and with whom to sit in the high school cafeteria. It was ALWAYS awkward. I hated every lunch period.
School lunches are tough. Thank God we survived.
Sue, you are speaking directly to me - thank you! And I'm saying that as a married woman who lives with a (very nice) husband. There are still plenty of occasions where I could reach out more and invite someone to join me. Interestingly, my husband seems to have gotten better at this than me; he asks everyone their name and remembers stuff about them. Anyway, you've inspired me.
Thank you, Debbie. Sometimes we have to nudge each other. I'm impressed that your husband remembers their names.
Waldorf? We're not in Kansas anymore!
Seriously celebrate a little closer to iowa next time!
Waldport - Next Sunday as in March 16th? Or this Sunday, March 9th? I am interested but would need to plan ahead (driving from PDX).
March 9. Would you really drive that far? Amazing.
Yes I would but need to plan ahead and this Sunday, 3/9 I’m taking care of my Dad. But I’d love to plan on meeting you at an event someday. We have a lot in common.
Hi Sue, depending on my mood in these me-time respites, I'm either extrovert engaging or hermitting into my comfort zone. It helps that in both circumstances, I relish the good food and wine I don't get to do otherwise, so the enjoyment level is already above-norm and I don't feel obliged or pressured to do more. These days there are just some people I don't have the energy for. I've become more discerning. BUT the 'ol extrovert in me loves a good conversation and exchange of experience. (we need to organise a girls day with you and Jody. FYI I'm partway through your book xo)
Hi Victoria. That sounds right. Engage when you want to and not if you don't. I'd love a girls' day with you and Jody. Thank you for reading my book.