Thank you for this topic. It's something I've been reflecting on for a few years. It's been over 8 years since I suddenly lost my husband to a heart attack and then all the subsequent grief and intense upheaval. I'm so grateful for the growing peace and time to finally become myself and immerse myself in my thoughts without blame or guilt.
Conversation is very important, even most important. It occurred to me that I've been deprived of it my whole life with dysfunctional family life then feeling isolated in relationships and marriages (because my low self worth had become normalised). The men in my life weren't interested in what I had to say (did they feel threatened ?) and were poor converationalists and TBH ... gaslighters. All of them. There , I've said it !
Moving on... I am really enjoy time spent with female friends. Either long deep conversations or a catch up with a group. A real confidence builder to find people are interested in what I have to say and that I can actually help people. That's a great feeling !
I agree, we need to work on it though. Time can fly by when we have all this stuff we need to attend to when we're on our own.
I am with you on this connection with friends or relatives thing. After my parents passed away, also I don’t have siblings, and I am childless as well. So the situation sets me to a journey of looking for some soul friends or cousins I would like to have a conversation. I am fortunate to have a couple but not necessarily talk often. I try to reach out to people I do care to see what I can help. On the other hand, I am like you, I’d like to connect with friends or cousins to laugh out loud. We need it. We are human beings. It’s just so natural we have this need. Thank you for writing this up. You speak to the core of my heart. Hug hug.🤗
Agree! I am now happily back in Portland but during my stay in Yachats I tended to grocery shop at the Waldport Ray's. I had a wonderful conversation or two in the produce department there. One time while squeezing avocados another lady and I started talking about, well, avocados and her stay in Japan and the produce guy gave us an great lesson on avocados! It was magical! This lady then told me about his wonderful hair. It's long and curly...think 70s rock n roll style.
So, I am a talker. Often in trouble at school for it. However, I'm also an introvert. In social situations I can't come up with small talk around strangers. At 69, not sure I'll ever learn. It seems when my social cup is full I am very happy alone at home (actually, hubs is here, but you know what I mean) reading or sewing. When I get enough of that I email a long-distance friend. Very occasionally, I call. Or they call. Those calls last more than an hour! Recently, a book club member and I have been having lunch once a month. We don't have a lot in common, but it's pretty great! Since relocating two and a half years ago, making new friends has not really been happening. Neighbors wave, that's about it. For now I'm ok with what I have. Sue, I appreciate your views!
In my life, the power of friendships is incredible. Sue, your comment that friendships take time and nurturing is so true. Those who do not spend time working on those relationships will loose them. You described several different friendships and groups you maintain and enjoy with A lovely mix of people and groups truly do cover lots of territory in your book of needs. Candy and I met in a work place nearly 50 years ago as young single professionals. We text nearly every day touching base on concerns and health and supporting one another as needed. Another group of ladies and I who have been friends since kindergarten bring me the joy of a long history of shared experiences for nearly our life times. In September, we will travel to a location, stay two nights, and laugh and giggle like school girl, to celebrate our seventieth birthdays. Having spent the past three years fully engaged in caregiving, I cannot describe how much I am looking forward to this event!
I send you my love and hugs for such a nice article. How can you be lonely when you so many well wishers and friends on internet and elsewhere? We all love and admire you whole heartedly!!
Thank you for this topic. It's something I've been reflecting on for a few years. It's been over 8 years since I suddenly lost my husband to a heart attack and then all the subsequent grief and intense upheaval. I'm so grateful for the growing peace and time to finally become myself and immerse myself in my thoughts without blame or guilt.
Conversation is very important, even most important. It occurred to me that I've been deprived of it my whole life with dysfunctional family life then feeling isolated in relationships and marriages (because my low self worth had become normalised). The men in my life weren't interested in what I had to say (did they feel threatened ?) and were poor converationalists and TBH ... gaslighters. All of them. There , I've said it !
Moving on... I am really enjoy time spent with female friends. Either long deep conversations or a catch up with a group. A real confidence builder to find people are interested in what I have to say and that I can actually help people. That's a great feeling !
I agree, we need to work on it though. Time can fly by when we have all this stuff we need to attend to when we're on our own.
I am with you on this connection with friends or relatives thing. After my parents passed away, also I don’t have siblings, and I am childless as well. So the situation sets me to a journey of looking for some soul friends or cousins I would like to have a conversation. I am fortunate to have a couple but not necessarily talk often. I try to reach out to people I do care to see what I can help. On the other hand, I am like you, I’d like to connect with friends or cousins to laugh out loud. We need it. We are human beings. It’s just so natural we have this need. Thank you for writing this up. You speak to the core of my heart. Hug hug.🤗
Thanks for the hugs!
Agree! I am now happily back in Portland but during my stay in Yachats I tended to grocery shop at the Waldport Ray's. I had a wonderful conversation or two in the produce department there. One time while squeezing avocados another lady and I started talking about, well, avocados and her stay in Japan and the produce guy gave us an great lesson on avocados! It was magical! This lady then told me about his wonderful hair. It's long and curly...think 70s rock n roll style.
I agree, I think friend community is very important and while it takes some effort it is always worth it.
So, I am a talker. Often in trouble at school for it. However, I'm also an introvert. In social situations I can't come up with small talk around strangers. At 69, not sure I'll ever learn. It seems when my social cup is full I am very happy alone at home (actually, hubs is here, but you know what I mean) reading or sewing. When I get enough of that I email a long-distance friend. Very occasionally, I call. Or they call. Those calls last more than an hour! Recently, a book club member and I have been having lunch once a month. We don't have a lot in common, but it's pretty great! Since relocating two and a half years ago, making new friends has not really been happening. Neighbors wave, that's about it. For now I'm ok with what I have. Sue, I appreciate your views!
In my life, the power of friendships is incredible. Sue, your comment that friendships take time and nurturing is so true. Those who do not spend time working on those relationships will loose them. You described several different friendships and groups you maintain and enjoy with A lovely mix of people and groups truly do cover lots of territory in your book of needs. Candy and I met in a work place nearly 50 years ago as young single professionals. We text nearly every day touching base on concerns and health and supporting one another as needed. Another group of ladies and I who have been friends since kindergarten bring me the joy of a long history of shared experiences for nearly our life times. In September, we will travel to a location, stay two nights, and laugh and giggle like school girl, to celebrate our seventieth birthdays. Having spent the past three years fully engaged in caregiving, I cannot describe how much I am looking forward to this event!
I love this. Thank you.
I send you my love and hugs for such a nice article. How can you be lonely when you so many well wishers and friends on internet and elsewhere? We all love and admire you whole heartedly!!