I think the only time I was not single on Valentine's Day (my timing was the worst with breakups) I was involved with a married man who made plans with me I should have known he'd break. I was working for a talent agent at the time, and a well-known actor who I adored, older than me and we just enjoyed hanging out and talking in the office, he was there when my date was broken last minute and took me to dinner and to the symphony at Carnegie Hall. It was the nicest Valentine's Day. Some of my best dates have had no romance in them, but mutual caring.
I'd say don't go to a restaurant even if you're coupled up, because the prices for the "Valentine's menu" get inflated to ridiculous levels, and the room will be overcrowded.
My husband gets me flowers and I give him a card. Otherwise we no longer try to do anything fancy because of the aforementioned crowds and high prices.
When I was single I used to mind Valentine's Day a lot, and then I decided to use it as a day to treat myself, buy my own box of chocolate or whatever. Sometimes I'd use it as a day to reach out to other single friends just to say hi and "glad you're in my life."
And I like to buy chocolate right after Valentine's Day ... it's on sale then :)
I send my BFF a Valentine and she sends me one too. We value each other's friendship so much, even though we are both married to great husbands. Having great female friends is the icing on a cake so I love the whole Galentine concept.
My late husband was blind from birth and his mother gave him invaluable advice as a teenager, when you marry, take your wife out on her birthday and anniversary. So we always did. So now on his birthday, date of passage to God, Val Day and holidays, I buy food he would have eaten and I enjoy it.
The two operative words in your essay are “Hallmark Holiday “ It’s just another day to me. Don’t get me wrong, It’s not that I’m not a romantic. I still cry when Bette Davis looks into Paul Henreid’s eyes in Now Voyager and says, “Oh, Jerry, don't let's ask for the moon. We have the stars.” 🌟🌟
A past love and I used to go out dancing 3-5 nights a week and we tried avoiding those special days that brought out people who only came out on those occasions and who he referred to as amateurs because he said that they were trying too hard to have fun..
Yes, I'm wearing a red flannel shirt. My husband doesn't remember holidays and that doesn't matter to me, he's good to me every day of the year. This morning we had big snow and I hired someone to plow the driveway so he didn't have to do it. That was my gift to him. Married almost 56 years, life is good. I'll take a pizza over candy and flowers any day!
I celebrated Galentine’s day yesterday (from parks and recreation) with four gal friends by drinking coffee at at our friends cafe. We also did a tarot reading and I gave them each a card with a positive message I’d hand selected for them from a box of them I have.
Today is the anniversary of my grandma passing, my brother says it’s the day she joined her love again, my grandparents love was so wholesome and beautiful. I try every year to do something to remember her/them by, this year I was poorly organised and didn’t do as well as I usually do. I usually make the Dundee cake she always made and had a supply of, a dinner she used to make (minced meat, veg, spuds, gravy and Yorkshire puddings). This year I did make a dinner with gravy but I didn’t do it her style. I’ve got the ingredients for the cake but the night I planned to make it spent hours waiting for the car in the garage so didn’t get round to it. I’m still hoping to over the weekend or next week.
I like to wear red for luck on this day. Sometimes, I write love notes to friends of mine. Many people miss feeling the ups and downs of romantic love. For me, it was often a distracting sickness. I'm happy to be free to love in the ways of my unique heart, separate from any holidays or societal norms.
My wife and I never did much for Valentines. We didn't think it necessary to set aside a special day of the year to say I love you. We did this easily and often enough to make it count and to know when we said it, we meant it. Last year I lost her. Suddenly. Last Saturday would have been our 40th wedding anniversary. I wasn't sure what to do with the day. I stayed home and didn't talk to anyone. There wasn't much to say. I was just alone with my thoughts. Difficult, kind of depressing, but I made it through. Now comes Valentines. The first without her. It seems to take on more significance. But I haven't been all weepy about it. I took myself out to lunch today. A spur of the moment thing. I guess I kind of surprised myself. A nice fish & chips shop. She didn't like fish and I was okay with that, but today I treated myself. It wasn't busy at 2 PM but they were expecting a crowd for dinner. Those who were eating lunch had reserved tables in the back. I've learned to eat alone in a restaurant. It isn't great, but not terrible either. Learning to love myself has been hard, but damn it, I'm going to do it anyways. It's the least I can do for myself. And I need to be nice to myself more than ever now.
John, I'm sorry for your loss. This year would have been our 40th anniversary, too. It has been a few years, but it still hurts. It sounds like you're learning to treat yourself well. Keep up the good work.
I am sorry for your loss as well Susan. The passage of time makes no difference. The sting may not be so sharp, but the loss itself never diminishes. What choice have we but to be good to ourselves? If Valentine's day is a test, it is one I accept.
Do not consider yourself lonely or alone on Valentine's day as your Shokee is with you though invisibly. I always think you in my thoughts and dreams. Happy Valentie's day with deepest love and huge hugs. Just relax!!
I think why people get disappointed in what happens on Valentin's Day is because they have watched one too many romances in the movies or on TV which most of the time does not really reflect how everyday life in a relationship is. To me, the people who make a special effort to go out on such as Valentine's Day if they don't usually go out remind me, as a regular church goer, of the people who only go to church on Christmas and Easter.
I agree with you that it would be hard to go out alone to a place where people are coupled up, but you would have no need to go at date time and could treat yourself to an early bird dinner or mix it up and take yourself out to breakfast or brunch.
As for me, I spend a little time reflecting on past loves and then spend my day doing what I want to. If I felt the need not to be alone, I would call a sister or a friend and make plans to go out to dinner.
I love the comparison with those who only go to church on Easter and Christmas. Perfect. Yes, if you want to go out, do it. If going alone scares you, take a friend.
As an alternative way of thinking you could consider all the attributes of rose and the connections to mind, body and soul she brings. Buy some rose soap or hand cream for yourself. Maybe take some time out of your day to simply "smell the roses" literally or figuratively? I've just got a book out of the library called "Orwells Roses" by Rebecca Solnit. Part of the blurb is "Roses, pleasure and politics: a fresh take on Orwell as an avid gardener, whose political writing was grounded in his passion for the natural world". Reframe Valentines Day into something that works for you.
I think the only time I was not single on Valentine's Day (my timing was the worst with breakups) I was involved with a married man who made plans with me I should have known he'd break. I was working for a talent agent at the time, and a well-known actor who I adored, older than me and we just enjoyed hanging out and talking in the office, he was there when my date was broken last minute and took me to dinner and to the symphony at Carnegie Hall. It was the nicest Valentine's Day. Some of my best dates have had no romance in them, but mutual caring.
I'd say don't go to a restaurant even if you're coupled up, because the prices for the "Valentine's menu" get inflated to ridiculous levels, and the room will be overcrowded.
My husband gets me flowers and I give him a card. Otherwise we no longer try to do anything fancy because of the aforementioned crowds and high prices.
When I was single I used to mind Valentine's Day a lot, and then I decided to use it as a day to treat myself, buy my own box of chocolate or whatever. Sometimes I'd use it as a day to reach out to other single friends just to say hi and "glad you're in my life."
And I like to buy chocolate right after Valentine's Day ... it's on sale then :)
I send my BFF a Valentine and she sends me one too. We value each other's friendship so much, even though we are both married to great husbands. Having great female friends is the icing on a cake so I love the whole Galentine concept.
My late husband was blind from birth and his mother gave him invaluable advice as a teenager, when you marry, take your wife out on her birthday and anniversary. So we always did. So now on his birthday, date of passage to God, Val Day and holidays, I buy food he would have eaten and I enjoy it.
The two operative words in your essay are “Hallmark Holiday “ It’s just another day to me. Don’t get me wrong, It’s not that I’m not a romantic. I still cry when Bette Davis looks into Paul Henreid’s eyes in Now Voyager and says, “Oh, Jerry, don't let's ask for the moon. We have the stars.” 🌟🌟
A past love and I used to go out dancing 3-5 nights a week and we tried avoiding those special days that brought out people who only came out on those occasions and who he referred to as amateurs because he said that they were trying too hard to have fun..
I forgot to comment that your writing always makes me think. Thank you, little Valentine.
Yes, I'm wearing a red flannel shirt. My husband doesn't remember holidays and that doesn't matter to me, he's good to me every day of the year. This morning we had big snow and I hired someone to plow the driveway so he didn't have to do it. That was my gift to him. Married almost 56 years, life is good. I'll take a pizza over candy and flowers any day!
I celebrated Galentine’s day yesterday (from parks and recreation) with four gal friends by drinking coffee at at our friends cafe. We also did a tarot reading and I gave them each a card with a positive message I’d hand selected for them from a box of them I have.
Today is the anniversary of my grandma passing, my brother says it’s the day she joined her love again, my grandparents love was so wholesome and beautiful. I try every year to do something to remember her/them by, this year I was poorly organised and didn’t do as well as I usually do. I usually make the Dundee cake she always made and had a supply of, a dinner she used to make (minced meat, veg, spuds, gravy and Yorkshire puddings). This year I did make a dinner with gravy but I didn’t do it her style. I’ve got the ingredients for the cake but the night I planned to make it spent hours waiting for the car in the garage so didn’t get round to it. I’m still hoping to over the weekend or next week.
Nice. I love that you're honoring your grandparents' love with these traditions. Galentine's Day is a great idea.
Ps I don’t wear red, mainly as I’ve got very little red in my wardrobe but I do believe everything with red is Christmasy 😆
I like to wear red for luck on this day. Sometimes, I write love notes to friends of mine. Many people miss feeling the ups and downs of romantic love. For me, it was often a distracting sickness. I'm happy to be free to love in the ways of my unique heart, separate from any holidays or societal norms.
Beautiful!
Oh. Was it Valentine’s Day? I was by the beach camping solo. 😁
Good for you! It must have a been a little warmer than it is here.
My wife and I never did much for Valentines. We didn't think it necessary to set aside a special day of the year to say I love you. We did this easily and often enough to make it count and to know when we said it, we meant it. Last year I lost her. Suddenly. Last Saturday would have been our 40th wedding anniversary. I wasn't sure what to do with the day. I stayed home and didn't talk to anyone. There wasn't much to say. I was just alone with my thoughts. Difficult, kind of depressing, but I made it through. Now comes Valentines. The first without her. It seems to take on more significance. But I haven't been all weepy about it. I took myself out to lunch today. A spur of the moment thing. I guess I kind of surprised myself. A nice fish & chips shop. She didn't like fish and I was okay with that, but today I treated myself. It wasn't busy at 2 PM but they were expecting a crowd for dinner. Those who were eating lunch had reserved tables in the back. I've learned to eat alone in a restaurant. It isn't great, but not terrible either. Learning to love myself has been hard, but damn it, I'm going to do it anyways. It's the least I can do for myself. And I need to be nice to myself more than ever now.
John, I'm sorry for your loss. This year would have been our 40th anniversary, too. It has been a few years, but it still hurts. It sounds like you're learning to treat yourself well. Keep up the good work.
I am sorry for your loss as well Susan. The passage of time makes no difference. The sting may not be so sharp, but the loss itself never diminishes. What choice have we but to be good to ourselves? If Valentine's day is a test, it is one I accept.
Do not consider yourself lonely or alone on Valentine's day as your Shokee is with you though invisibly. I always think you in my thoughts and dreams. Happy Valentie's day with deepest love and huge hugs. Just relax!!
I think why people get disappointed in what happens on Valentin's Day is because they have watched one too many romances in the movies or on TV which most of the time does not really reflect how everyday life in a relationship is. To me, the people who make a special effort to go out on such as Valentine's Day if they don't usually go out remind me, as a regular church goer, of the people who only go to church on Christmas and Easter.
I agree with you that it would be hard to go out alone to a place where people are coupled up, but you would have no need to go at date time and could treat yourself to an early bird dinner or mix it up and take yourself out to breakfast or brunch.
As for me, I spend a little time reflecting on past loves and then spend my day doing what I want to. If I felt the need not to be alone, I would call a sister or a friend and make plans to go out to dinner.
I love the comparison with those who only go to church on Easter and Christmas. Perfect. Yes, if you want to go out, do it. If going alone scares you, take a friend.
As an alternative way of thinking you could consider all the attributes of rose and the connections to mind, body and soul she brings. Buy some rose soap or hand cream for yourself. Maybe take some time out of your day to simply "smell the roses" literally or figuratively? I've just got a book out of the library called "Orwells Roses" by Rebecca Solnit. Part of the blurb is "Roses, pleasure and politics: a fresh take on Orwell as an avid gardener, whose political writing was grounded in his passion for the natural world". Reframe Valentines Day into something that works for you.
I like that a lot. I love roses.