Having lived alone for about 30 years now, hugs are valuable currency. It’s been 15 years since I chose to have a partner. I take any and all hugs, even the short, stingy ones. But the three best huggers are my friend D’s ex-wife, my friend J, and my cousin, M. Those are long hugs, so close I can feel their heartbeat, and in M’s case, he somehow seems to hug you with his entire body. You can just feel the love radiating into your body with all three. Now that’s good for the soul!
I’m a hugger but my hubs not so much so his aren’t the best hugs. My friends are all huggers as well so that’s very helpful. But my friend Ted was the very best of huggers. He passed five years ago and I still miss him and those hugs all the time! In fact I often tell him so out loud in empty spaces. 😁
I ran into my friend Nick last week. We know each other through the cafe I used to get my coffee from (he would take my order) and Instagram. He gave me a hug afterwards, and I realised the last hug I’d had was also from him when we ran into each other over six months ago! He wouldn’t know it, but his hugs mean a lot! I’m definitely going to offer hugs more freely now after this and all your comments.
Part of being autistic, I don't much like hugs of the frontal-approach-then-squeeze - from a human. My husband is the same way. But we give each other verbal hugs all day long. Maybe that's part of my addiction to cats; I've had some intense little cuddlers. We have 3 cats now, a pair of sisters who love being brushed and scritched and conversing - but not held, and an old gent whom I rescued at 3 weeks who firmly believes that cuddling takes place between 10pm and 6am or any time a human is under a soft warm blanket. Lately, during my contemplations of my end-stage life, I have been sorting out some of the cat plushies that will accompany me to whatever institution gets to see me across the rainbow bridge, so to speak. Even now they provide some comfort.
I'm a hugger. And on a more humorous note, years ago I got in the habit of signing my emails, "Big hugs." One day my husband asked me to respond to an email from a new business associate. I'd only ever met the man once. In the body of the email I gave him the information that he'd requested, and then without thinking, I signed off with "Big hugs." Except that I mistyped hugs so my sign off read "Big jugs." Fortunately I'd emailed someone with a sense of humor who responded to me with an "LOL," to which I replied, "Well a girl can dream." We're all still friends, but most of the time I don't sign my emails the way I used to -- and if I do, I remember to proof.
Hugs are vital to me, and I am known for my great hugs, so the Pandemic was harsh. I'm back now to hugging close friends. With new friends, I hold out my arms and ask, "May I hug you?" Usually, I've scoped out their eyes and know bit about them or have some connection already. I've found most non-huggers will thrust out an elbow right away. That's my partner with most other folks.
When I taught middle school I hugged students. But that was in the 1970s - 1999. During those years, some rules against hugging students came into effect. But I was older and a woman. AND, I'd announce to the parents at back-to-school night: "I will treat your children like they are mine. I will hug them. If they come home and tell you I did, they are correct." I never had a parent tell me I couldn't hug their kid.
Yes, human touch is vital to our well-being. It sure is to mine. Thanks for this post, Sue. xoA <3
It’s been a long time since I’ve written about touch hunger. Probably around the time of Covid shutdown as it was a very real issue many of my clients had never dealt with. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. My profession is about combatting touch hunger. Although most of my clients don’t ask for a hug, some do and they’re free because I have good/safe clients. I have a few clients who are elderly and single who benefit most from the safe touch provided during a therapeutic massage. Touch is so important to physical and mental health. I hope you find enough hugs to sustain yourself.
I spend months without hugs. I'm definitely a hugs person. Physical touch is heaven for me, but living alone and having no one around to ask is.... Well... Heavy. I also live in a country where people do not do physical touch much. I rarely even see it happen. It's one of those things that worries me at times. Can't wait to fly back home for two weeks and hug my parents.
I sympathize. I live in the woods. Not too many houses. I am lucky to have one neighbor who gives lots of hugs. The rest, not so much. We need to be touched in safe, comforting ways.
Dear Sue! It’s all good. A good cry. A cathartic “#ItMe” cry. It’s always good when feeling alone to realize I am definitely not alone! This is the reason I will try to remember to do self care and book myself therapeutic massage more than once a year. Okay it’s been a couple of years now but it’s a reminder to me to go do that. Because touch is healing and matters for humanity. And platonic, healing touch us so vital (especially for survivors of any past trauma. I’m a survivor.) Big hugs and solidarity! 💗
My two year-old great granddaughter gives me special hugs these days, but one of the things I miss most are the hugs my husband use to give when he was alive. They were the best.
It is not so easy to gauge the nature of a hug in terms of sexual or non sexual but one thing is settled
it sooths a person miraculously. So we may not indulge in its nature but accept it with pleasure.
We do not have any mechanism to change minds of people so keep up hugging as much as it can be.
Having lived alone for about 30 years now, hugs are valuable currency. It’s been 15 years since I chose to have a partner. I take any and all hugs, even the short, stingy ones. But the three best huggers are my friend D’s ex-wife, my friend J, and my cousin, M. Those are long hugs, so close I can feel their heartbeat, and in M’s case, he somehow seems to hug you with his entire body. You can just feel the love radiating into your body with all three. Now that’s good for the soul!
I believe in the hug!
I’m a hugger but my hubs not so much so his aren’t the best hugs. My friends are all huggers as well so that’s very helpful. But my friend Ted was the very best of huggers. He passed five years ago and I still miss him and those hugs all the time! In fact I often tell him so out loud in empty spaces. 😁
I ran into my friend Nick last week. We know each other through the cafe I used to get my coffee from (he would take my order) and Instagram. He gave me a hug afterwards, and I realised the last hug I’d had was also from him when we ran into each other over six months ago! He wouldn’t know it, but his hugs mean a lot! I’m definitely going to offer hugs more freely now after this and all your comments.
Part of being autistic, I don't much like hugs of the frontal-approach-then-squeeze - from a human. My husband is the same way. But we give each other verbal hugs all day long. Maybe that's part of my addiction to cats; I've had some intense little cuddlers. We have 3 cats now, a pair of sisters who love being brushed and scritched and conversing - but not held, and an old gent whom I rescued at 3 weeks who firmly believes that cuddling takes place between 10pm and 6am or any time a human is under a soft warm blanket. Lately, during my contemplations of my end-stage life, I have been sorting out some of the cat plushies that will accompany me to whatever institution gets to see me across the rainbow bridge, so to speak. Even now they provide some comfort.
I'm a hugger. And on a more humorous note, years ago I got in the habit of signing my emails, "Big hugs." One day my husband asked me to respond to an email from a new business associate. I'd only ever met the man once. In the body of the email I gave him the information that he'd requested, and then without thinking, I signed off with "Big hugs." Except that I mistyped hugs so my sign off read "Big jugs." Fortunately I'd emailed someone with a sense of humor who responded to me with an "LOL," to which I replied, "Well a girl can dream." We're all still friends, but most of the time I don't sign my emails the way I used to -- and if I do, I remember to proof.
Thanks for the laugh, Stephanie. I sometimes sign with "Hugs," too, but only to people I would actually hug in real life. Hugs to you.
I come from a family of huggers.
I’m sending hugs to you.
Thanks!
Hugs are vital to me, and I am known for my great hugs, so the Pandemic was harsh. I'm back now to hugging close friends. With new friends, I hold out my arms and ask, "May I hug you?" Usually, I've scoped out their eyes and know bit about them or have some connection already. I've found most non-huggers will thrust out an elbow right away. That's my partner with most other folks.
When I taught middle school I hugged students. But that was in the 1970s - 1999. During those years, some rules against hugging students came into effect. But I was older and a woman. AND, I'd announce to the parents at back-to-school night: "I will treat your children like they are mine. I will hug them. If they come home and tell you I did, they are correct." I never had a parent tell me I couldn't hug their kid.
Yes, human touch is vital to our well-being. It sure is to mine. Thanks for this post, Sue. xoA <3
Thank you, Annis. Virtual hug: ((( )))
It’s been a long time since I’ve written about touch hunger. Probably around the time of Covid shutdown as it was a very real issue many of my clients had never dealt with. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. My profession is about combatting touch hunger. Although most of my clients don’t ask for a hug, some do and they’re free because I have good/safe clients. I have a few clients who are elderly and single who benefit most from the safe touch provided during a therapeutic massage. Touch is so important to physical and mental health. I hope you find enough hugs to sustain yourself.
Thank you.
I spend months without hugs. I'm definitely a hugs person. Physical touch is heaven for me, but living alone and having no one around to ask is.... Well... Heavy. I also live in a country where people do not do physical touch much. I rarely even see it happen. It's one of those things that worries me at times. Can't wait to fly back home for two weeks and hug my parents.
Ari,
I sympathize. I live in the woods. Not too many houses. I am lucky to have one neighbor who gives lots of hugs. The rest, not so much. We need to be touched in safe, comforting ways.
bawling my eyes out in recognition thank you for writing this!
Nancy, I'm sorry I made you cry. I was bawling yesterday. Sometimes it just hurts, and I'm not sure other people realize it. Hang in there.
Dear Sue! It’s all good. A good cry. A cathartic “#ItMe” cry. It’s always good when feeling alone to realize I am definitely not alone! This is the reason I will try to remember to do self care and book myself therapeutic massage more than once a year. Okay it’s been a couple of years now but it’s a reminder to me to go do that. Because touch is healing and matters for humanity. And platonic, healing touch us so vital (especially for survivors of any past trauma. I’m a survivor.) Big hugs and solidarity! 💗
My two year-old great granddaughter gives me special hugs these days, but one of the things I miss most are the hugs my husband use to give when he was alive. They were the best.
Oh yes, I know what you mean. I'm sorry he's gone.
We must be on the same wavelength...or we saw the same article. I put something about hugs on Medium yesterday https://medium.com/@sdwheelock/hugs-heal-9804dda4f5cd
*BigHug*
Beautiful. Great minds in sync. Everybody needs hugs.